[kctiger]

RB: Almost every break up ends without full closure. I'm not sure there ever is "full" closure and that is what makes it hard.

You're doing a great job so just try and continue to vent, exercise and do other things to occupy your mind, otherwise you'll drive yourself nuts.

[RobinBoston]

Thanks KC - I have also read many of your posts in various threads and your story. You have been a great help to countless people on this forum and I thank you for any of your support with me through my situation.

[kctiger]

Thanks KC - I have also read many of your posts in various threads and your story. You have been a great help to countless people on this forum and I thank you for any of your support with me through my situation.

No problem. I'm always here for you, we all are! :)

[RobinBoston]

Update - Hi, I need some quick advice.

I haven't talked to my ex in a week including the 3 days since she returned to town. However, this morning I wake up to a text asking me if we can hang out this week.

I obviously know I should probably ignore it, but I want to see her so bad. I have not seen her in 2 weeks and we both have no idea how each other has felt during our time apart. The few times we talked we never discussed our feelings at all. What should I do?

[kctiger]

I would politely decline, especially if you aren't comfortable ignoring her, otherwise you can choose that option as well.

It is never a good idea to "hang out" with an ex when you are so emotional, it sets you up for failure and leads to confusion. Be strong and explain to her that right now it just isn't a good idea.

[RobinBoston]

Thanks, I know that is probably the smart move. Question KC, do you think there is a possibility that any good could come from meeting up again (like maybe her feelings are different), or it is 99% a surefire setup for more hurt on my end?

[kctiger]

Feelings change often so there is always a chance she could be feeling different at the moment but that is clearly not a guarantee it will stay like that. When it comes to these "meetings" it is just best to take the high road and politely decline. It will also show her you are strong and mature about this.

If she wants you badly enough, she'll find a way to get you, trust me. Keep your heart protected for now.

[RobinBoston]

This is very hard to send the message, because I really do want to see her so bad obviously. But I am about to man up and write - "I would like to but I don't think that would be the best thing for me right now"

What do you think?

[amicon]

Just be polite but tell her you are busy.
Remember your thread says you're finally ready to move on.
Don't fall into the trap of more drama or gameplaying.

[RobinBoston]

You guys are such a great help. Without this forum I would have definitely caved in and accepted the invitation to hang out - which probably would have led to more pain in the long run.

Instead, I took the advice and told her I don't think it's a good idea. She obviously ignored me and did not respond. I feel miserable right now (my heart can't believe I passed up the chance to see her, make things better... blah blah) but my head knows this was probably smart.

Words of encouragement please as I sit here puzzled and look at my phone :)

[kctiger]

You did awesome! Much better than I did at your stage. You are strong and deserve a pat on the back man! Seriously, well done. I am really proud of you!! Way to stay strong.

[amicon]

Well done.
Now get busy doing something other than sit and stare at your phone!:-)

[RobinBoston]

Haha, thanks! I am going to get busy now - Have school in a little while anyway. It's just very difficult right now, I will obviously be thinking about this for a while. Every day I wish that she would want me back and call me, then she finally does call me, and I blow her off. Smart: probably yes; but insanely hard: yes!!

Btw, if we are meant to be together (I'm not being a dreamer just questioning) was this still the right move


BTW - I know I am major venting right now, but I figure better here than in any other medium (aka to her)

[amicon]

Your moves now should be for YOU,not for some future that no one can foretell!
Have a good day.

[kctiger]

You can't force life. If it was meant to be, it will be, no matter what. Just go have fun and experience life, and vent all you want.

[RobinBoston]

Another Update - I just received this message back a few hours after I told my ex we shouldn't "hang out" (above):

"Hi, well it's up to you. I would really like to hang out but if you can't I will have to understand. I just miss hanging out with you"

I have ignored it for the last hour. What does this mean and does this merit a response?

[amicon]

Don't worry about what it means and don't reply.

Doing NC means you ignore all texts and stop worrying whatever they might mean.

[RobinBoston]

I know I know - just very hard because this is the first time she has made any contact in a while and it weirded me out - I am venting here instead of replying to her.

Clearly a big part of me wants to hang out with her and it kills to say no and ignore her - that's why I am here for support

[amicon]

Vent on,I know it's tough,but you'll benefit from it in the long run.
You are doing very well,trust me.

[I wish]

I'm suggest you take NC a step further. If you see a message from her, avoid the urge to read it and just deleted. That will prevent you from analyzing what she says.

You can even ask someone you trust to help you delete the message so that you don't get tempted.