Check out some similar questions!

Candy2109 · Feb 9, 2010, 01:52 PM

Well guys he did actually change we haven't fought or screamed or yelled as long as I can remember. I might seem dumb for not getting away from him when you told me but he did get like a million times better

Candy2109 · Feb 9, 2010, 02:04 PM

Well I still care a little about my ex. Its been awhile now that we have broken up and we haven't talked to each other in months but I still care about the dude. I loved him with everything and he broke me like nothing. Many memories have dissappeared and my heart has repaired it self when I met another dude that I have fallen in love with. But my ex still finds a way to link inside my memory. Its hard to love sumone when your not giving it all to him because I think my ex will contact me somehow. But then I relize that I'm sooo wrong. I have given up on him threw everything away that remines me of us . But like I said he still finds his way in my head. What do I do to leave the past in the past and try to move on? I think in doing good due to time its been like 6 months now that we haven't talked but I still wonder how he is and why did he do that to me. Am I wrong for still wanting to know , when I have a new boyfriend that I really care about ?:confused:

neverme · Feb 9, 2010, 02:38 PM

I don't think your ready for a relationship. The only thing that will fix your heart is time. No one can tell you how long or when it is going to happen.

I don't really think it's fair to be in a relationship when you still aren't over your ex.

talaniman · Feb 9, 2010, 03:26 PM

Let me get this straight, you jumped from the abusive guy, who has changed for the better to another guy whom you "love" in a few short months?

What am I missing here, please clarify.

Candy2109 · Feb 16, 2010, 01:10 PM

OK OK OK well my ex the one that broke up with me happened first before my use to be phsyco guy. Like I love the dude I'm with but will I always have the memories of my ex.( the one I just posted was suppose to come first before the abusive dude)

dynocompe · Feb 16, 2010, 01:28 PM

I just read this thread now, but how everyone was saying he is a monster waiting to rail over you with his big train. I disagree, some people do actually change! And you can change without therapy. He could have took a step back and seen what he did to you, how scary it really was.
I admit a lot of people can't change there controlling ways, but there is exceptions. Was your ex one of them?
I would have tested his so called changes, starting talking to other guys, going out with your friends, and not letting him know your where abouts. How did he react?
But him being so excited that you were pregnant, is a bit scary, because I think he was excited because he thought he had you trapped with him!
So good on you to get out! I don't think this guy really changed.
How did he react when you broke up with him? Did you have friends with you? I am curious to know if he lost it on you again
Hope your doing well!

Romefalls19 · Feb 16, 2010, 01:38 PM

Dyno, the problem with that is that controlling behavior seldom changes without therapy. And if she was to "test" his new changes, she could end up getting hurt because his anger shows through. Jealousy, possessiveness and controlling behavior are the first big step towards domestic violence. I wouldn't risk it with my well being, and I was one of those jealous people. I thought I could change on my own too, until I found myself changing into a worse person with my jealously and controlling behavior. It wasn't until I went and saw a therapist that I was able to identify the problem and take steps to rectify it

dynocompe · Feb 16, 2010, 01:40 PM

That is why I say it can change without therapy because I was that type once

talaniman · Feb 16, 2010, 01:55 PM

I think what we all forget, especially with exes is that what counts is how we cope with, and manage our feelings, is what really counts, not that we have them.

I have been married faithfully for over 30 years, and to say I don't think about an ex every now and then, would be a big fat lie, even after all this time. (Yes I have many exes to be haunted by). I have also felt the temptations of being attracted to many females before, and since being married.

Those are normal feelings to have for us humans I think, but that doesn't mean I have to act on them, because they are there, does it?

Even during bad times, we have good, and sad memories, that's human, but I never let them get me down to far, or up to high, that I question what I should do about them, nor do I let them distract me in my daily life, and interactions. They are normal human feelings, that are triggered by times, and events beyond our control.

Its what we do about them that counts.

So Candy, don't be too distracted by your normal human feelings, and don't let past memories bring you down for even a day, as all you have to do is see what you have now, and be grateful you have it. In truth, you have come a long way.

That's what works for me, just being glad at what I have now, not what I had yesterday.

That's why I wear this silly grin on my face.

Romefalls19 · Feb 16, 2010, 01:58 PM

I knew Tal smiled! And now I have this thread as proof!

I agree completely with Tal, we ALL think about past memories, even exes. You will think about good times and the bad, it doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human.

dynocompe · Feb 16, 2010, 02:03 PM

And usually when you think of the past you think of the good things first and a lot of times forget the bad! So this makes you miss some of your past, but in reality, if you really think about it with the bad, you wouldn't be missing it so much!