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amicon · Dec 20, 2009, 05:54 AM

So your job's OK for the time being,that's good. You know what I can't read people's minds either,most times we have to play it by ear. Honest communication and a willingness to work together to find a solution to problems is a must in any relationship that much I know.

valkman98 · Dec 20, 2009, 05:35 PM

All, I am going to let her have any time she needs if she wants to talk then she must call me. 0yrs ago I went through this same thing with my now x wife. She dropped the bomb a week after my birthday. Just a We're done and you can't fix it. I feel almost the same now but not as bad. She said today she missed me but I haven't herd from her since @9am. Went over to dig her out ,big snow here. Told her I am giving her time and that I want us back to how we were when we got together,the lifestyle we had. She said she couldn't remember how we were. I guess she is so disappionted in me its over. I don't want to go NC 100% I feel if she wants to talk it can't hurt,even if to make the breakup 100%. I really need a time table but that is unrealistic. She was with me just a couple of weeks after the breakup of my now xbest friend, we have know each other over 20yrs. Boy did my house got acleaning this weekend.LOL got a lot done that had been put off,lazy by me. Things are achanging.Told my kids not to look for her tobe around as much, will wait to tell them its over when I hear it from her. I would like to share some of the relationship help I have found but that would be soooo crazy I wouldn't do it. Can't force love. If she wasn't such a good fit form me I wouldn't care we didn't fight at all, got along great. Just the stress of this past yr has worn on me and I let it somehow get in the way, she feels I isn't worth it any more. Sucks, you can't be perfect for the other 100% of the time and if you slip its over. Back to work in the am and a new out look on this mess. Doug.

amicon · Dec 20, 2009, 05:49 PM

Doug,just don't hang around in limbo too long. Sooner rather than later some decisions are going to have to be made. You're handing over your power to her,you have rights too and I would go NC if I were you. There is too much confusion and too much stress,and you don't need that.

valkman98 · Dec 20, 2009, 06:33 PM

Nope I don't and I am changing my outlook on things. I have learned over the years that if you push they will hate you. I was a super wuss when my marriage failed and am NOT going down that road again. She called and we chated, small talk nothing about the US thing, senced she wanted to know what I was feeling we talked about the days things we did. She was in a lazy way today, unlike her. She is a doer. I was busy all day.Was a few bits of sillence,? I will let her ask me what next. I think by this weekend, I will know if she is playing me till Jan or wants to work on it. She,I think doesn't know how to comm at the level we need. I am a talker,a Libra, if you go that way. Talk too much and want to balance things and to work stuff out if it will. LOL. I have put it in my head this evening to be OK with this if it does go bust. I can't stay in limbo, and won't. Ball is in her court,if she does want it she must ask. I have done the Why does this happen all weekend and am done. Hand hurts from beating myself up.LOL. Thanks and have a good week. Doug.

Jake2008 · Dec 20, 2009, 08:36 PM

I think you are putting it together, thinking things through, not obsessing about it, not going to put up with it too long. I don't think, personally, that NC is the way to go, until you are certain within yourself, that you've covered all your bases, and you're comfortable with the idea.

Keep up the good work!

amicon · Dec 21, 2009, 03:15 AM

Hey Doug stop beating yourself up. The ball is in her court I think you've done your bit and had your say.
There's very little balance here my fellow Libra and not a lot of fairness either.
Have the best possible week.

valkman98 · Dec 23, 2009, 05:10 PM

An update of sorts, We saw each other the other night for a little bit ,I had to check out her car ,it is broke. She came to me,kiss,hug,and was glad to see me. I did well not to show how crushed I am for this mess, time off is good. Gets your mind right. We talked a bit planned the weekend. Got tickets to the ballet,something wanted to do,hasn't. Went well, parted real nice. Man I miss her. Look everybody, you must keep the lines of comm OPEN at all cost, without it and added time your love will fail. I feel real lucky to have this chance to rebuild, others didn't get the shot. It will be my 1st time at fixing what I let go, wish me luck. I am realilistic about this and know things can go wrong at any time. I feel she is being honest with me and not just getting past the holidays. I have given her any time and not rushed her but will want to have a heart to heart when we are together this weekend. I wish I could tell every detail,not really needed. Just a story about how if you let life get in the way and forget what to do you will loose your love. Keepping a stiff upper lip, Doug.

amicon · Dec 24, 2009, 02:45 AM

Here's wishing you luck Doug.
Merry Christmas!

valkman98 · Dec 24, 2009, 11:26 AM

Merry Christmas to all.

valkman98 · Dec 27, 2009, 05:35 PM

Well I hope everybody had a, good/got through alrite, holiday.Mine went very well to my surprise. I don't know why I had so much dread, fear of the unknown I guess. We talked a bit, not wanting to force it too much. Things were sorted and wants expressed. I don't know why I can't be myself right now, am on top of things most of the time but this love thing has got me .I guess I am thinking too much "what if" crap and not taking what I am given and letting go. Am giving her a lot more time to herself as she needs, she says we are OK. We gave and got nice stuff, not big $$ but nice. I feel for those on here and have been there many times in the past. This being the 1st time at repairing a rip, is very hard, you just don't want to mess up the chance. Have changed myself for the better, set goals and am on tract. Seams it's the best way to keep my mind right. LOL. Sure am getting a lot of things fixed around the house now.LOL . Be well all. Doug.

amicon · Dec 27, 2009, 05:41 PM

Keeping busy is always good!Setting goals is great.
You take care and keep updating.

valkman98 · Jan 24, 2010, 03:34 PM

Well its been a couple of months now since the wakeup call, and things are going good. We talk more and openly,not as much as I would like but enough for now. If we did I would make a mess anyway.LOL. Anyhow, I still have the doubts thing going on though I have no reason to have these feelings. I do see small "signs" that things aren't as they were,i.e. less hand holding and some closeness. But we kiss more, and things. I guess my head is still waiting for the ball to drop or some dumbass thing on that line. I now after seeing her in a different light,I have falling so deep into her it is making me crazy. I need some way of stopping my brain from thinking crazy thoughts. I know I need to relax abit and let it grow but my "need to know" is doing it. I haven't found a way to stop these thoughts. She has told me things are OK loves me and seams happy.? I am a nut I guess. Love will make you nuts. I don't mant to mess this up and know if I go over board it will. I need some input all. Thanks.

none12345 · Jan 24, 2010, 07:18 PM

Please keep all updates on the same thread as the original. Its hard for people to give you advice when you just write something like what you wrote her out of no where without knowing the whole situation.

none12345 · Jan 24, 2010, 07:47 PM

Sometimes it is best not to think too much but at the same time follow your heart. Sounds like you need to sit down with her and talk about all your feelings and see if you guys can come to a mutual understanding.

valkman98 · Jan 24, 2010, 07:52 PM

She says the same, stopping thinking so much, which is what I am trying. Just got to get the idea that the house is made of cards instead of bricks that it really is made of. Thanks. It helps to bounce this stuff off others.!

none12345 · Jan 24, 2010, 07:59 PM

Originally Posted by valkman98

She says the same, stopping thinking so much, which is what I am trying. Just got to get the idea that the house is made of cards instead of bricks that it realy is made of. Thanks. It helps to bounce this stuff off others.!!

Lol I tend to over think things too but its all in your head. At the same time I don't ignore those thoughts so perhaps you need to find a way to come to a compromise with your thoughts.

amicon · Jan 24, 2010, 11:54 PM

Doug,don't let your own insecurities play games with you-enjoy being happy,and moving forward.
As you are.

valkman98 · Jan 25, 2010, 06:09 AM

Thanks all, woke up today with a new outlook opn things. I do value this site for the great insite you all give. Does help.

amicon · Jan 25, 2010, 06:14 AM

Good!
Keep posting-have a continuously insightful day. :-)

valkman98 · Jun 20, 2010, 06:31 AM

Hi All, been awhile. Just an update of sorts. Thing are great now, she has her free time and we are All Good, her words. My problem is I have doubts. I know its all in my head and is all me. She is a great person, I love her to death and she says it to me too. So.. why am I worring?She gives me no reason to doubt her, this is killing me. I don't want her to think I don't trust her,I do but my head and heart are out of synic. Give me some of that great voodoo that you guys do. Please. Happy Fathers Day to all the dads.Thanks.