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worried me · Nov 8, 2006, 06:16 PM

Isay just tryand stay away from this man he is MARRIESD with CHILDREN you can not just fall in love with a man who is married and think that it is going to be happy, and this man is a disgrace. You both say his wife is wounderfull and you don't want to hurt her but your willing to risk breaking her heart by taken her husband, and if him and his wife ever part then you can both have all the time tospend together until then STAY away

sizetack · Nov 8, 2006, 06:25 PM

Thank you all for your advice. As for family, I lost both parents two years ago. I do not have any family that I can talk to. I know this may be hard to understand, but my ex-husband kept me isolated from others, so I really don't have close friends. My parents were my rock. As far as his wife goes, I have called his wife and apologized to her for having these feelings, not recently but several years ago. I did what you all said to do. I had no contact with him and I stayed away. My mother and father knew that we had feelings for each other, but they also knew I would never act on them. If I have learned one thing in my life it is to never say never. Some of you said you would NEVER do anything like this because you don't believe in it. I don't either! We are all human and make mistakes. I was a faithful wife to my husband and I told him about this man. He knew that I cared about him, but that I chose to stay with him. I stayed because I had small children. I would have left because of my abuse. He never was abusive to anyone but me. I am a christian, but I also am truthful and honest about my feelings and faults. I know this is wrong and I am trying to make this right, but by making me look like a bad woman or the antichrist isn't helping. This really happens to good people and that is why it is hard to understand and explain. I posted because I have no one to talk to. None of you needed to tell me it is wrong, I already knew that. I guess I was wanting to see how other "good" people deal with this. Instead I have been hurt. I apologize for posting.

J_9 · Nov 8, 2006, 07:34 PM

Originally Posted by sizetack

Thank you all for your advice. As for family, I lost both parents two years ago. I do not have any family that I can talk to. I know this may be hard to understand, but my ex-husband kept me isolated from others, so I really don't have close friends. My parents were my rock. As far as his wife goes, I have called his wife and apologized to her for having these feelings, not recently but several years ago. I did what you all said to do. I had no contact with him and I stayed away. My mother and father knew that we had feelings for each other, but they also knew I would never act on them. If I have learned one thing in my life it is to never say never. Some of you said you would NEVER do anything like this because you don't believe in it. I don't either! We are all human and make mistakes. I was a faithful wife to my husband and I told him about this man. He knew that I cared about him, but that I chose to stay with him. I stayed because I had small children. I would have left because of my abuse. He never was abusive to anyone but me. I am a christian, but I also am truthful and honest about my feelings and faults. I know this is wrong and I am trying to make this right, but by making me look like a bad woman or the antichrist isn't helping. This really happens to good people and that is why it is hard to understand and explain. I posted because I have no one to talk to. None of you needed to tell me it is wrong, I already knew that. I guess I was wanting to see how other "good" people deal with this. Instead I have been hurt. I apologize for posting.

I must ask how you know that we have never been through this.

There is no need to apologize for posting. Some of us have been in your shoes and are posting from the lessons we have learned.

I was the wife who was cheated on, both emotionally and sexually. So, yes, I sound like a woman scorned, and I am.

However, sometimes the truth hurts. There is no reason to make excuses like you are. I understand feelings run deep, and yours are. Feelings are normal, natural, and necessary for life.

It is not hard for me to understand isolation, since I have lived it up until recently, and am now, after 15 years beginning to develop friendships. However, I have learned to be my own rock. That is necessary in survival of the fittest.

I truly feel for your situation, really I do. But you do have to do what we all have said and break all ties. NO CONTACT.

It seems as though you may need to get a new support system, new friends... You are out of that abusive situation now... you can do better for yourself now.

You are "friends" with a married man... not good.. you know that and we know that.

Please do not fall into that category of "the other woman." It is worse than you can imagine!!

cotton_c4ndy · Nov 9, 2006, 08:46 AM

You can do it...

We all feel your pain.. its not easy and it needs lots of courage and sacrifices..
But u know.. one day when this is all over... u may look back and smiled... that u are able to get through this...

SINGLE4 · Nov 9, 2006, 09:24 AM

Originally Posted by sizetack

Thank you all for your advice. As for family, I lost both parents two years ago. I do not have any family that I can talk to. I know this may be hard to understand, but my ex-husband kept me isolated from others, so I really don't have close friends. My parents were my rock. As far as his wife goes, I have called his wife and apologized to her for having these feelings, not recently but several years ago. I did what you all said to do. I had no contact with him and I stayed away. My mother and father knew that we had feelings for each other, but they also knew I would never act on them. If I have learned one thing in my life it is to never say never. Some of you said you would NEVER do anything like this because you don't believe in it. I don't either! We are all human and make mistakes. I was a faithful wife to my husband and I told him about this man. He knew that I cared about him, but that I chose to stay with him. I stayed because I had small children. I would have left because of my abuse. He never was abusive to anyone but me. I am a christian, but I also am truthful and honest about my feelings and faults. I know this is wrong and I am trying to make this right, but by making me look like a bad woman or the antichrist isn't helping. This really happens to good people and that is why it is hard to understand and explain. I posted because I have no one to talk to. None of you needed to tell me it is wrong, I already knew that. I guess I was wanting to see how other "good" people deal with this. Instead I have been hurt. I apologize for posting.

First off, I am sorry to hear that you have no close friends and family to turn to. I know that I or anyone else here knows what your life has been like. I am sorry if I have come off too strong about people. I left my husband of 5 years because he was having an affair so like J9... I am a woman scorned also. Maybe I was just taking my anger out on you!

Now you know what to do and I hope you stick with it and move on and find a healthy relationship. I truly am sorry for coming off as "too aggressive" and I hope you don't think I insinuated that you are "anti-christ". I know everyone makes mistakes, we just need to learn from them.

Good Luck to you and finding a healthy relationship! Please keep us posted!

worried me · Nov 9, 2006, 10:26 AM

I am so sorry if my message hurt you in anyway I never new the exstent of how your feeling, as a married woman with a child I assumed you was one of these woman that just take peoples husband's without thinking of concoquices but I can see this sistuation is a lot deeper I see you are very low at the moment so I appoligize for my message before please KEEP strong there is allways someone out there for someone

Wildcat21 · Nov 9, 2006, 10:30 AM

Find a nice available man - they are out there - give him a chance to create those sparks.

This guy is totally unavaialble, and most likely would like you to be his mistress.

And don't tell you have this great connection - I've seen this a million times before. You LIKE him because he's a huge challenge. He likes the fact he can like and cheat with some one totally willing!

lana63 · Nov 10, 2006, 06:33 AM

Dear Sizetack
My heart goes out to you
I am in a similar position. Life is short and when you meet your soulmate I feel this may morally override marriage, as so many people marry for the wrong reason. While it is important to honour other people's commitments, especially when there are children involved, it is also important to honour yourself, your soul and this man's soul. Some say that nothing happens by chance. When one soul is strongy drawn to another, it happens so we can love one another and grow spiritually. It is a positive force and needs to be treasured. No one owns another person, even in marriage. If the two of you are so profoundy drawn to each other then you are already 'married' spiritually. This needs to be balanced by respect, love and kindness to the other peope involved, i.e. his wife and chidren, but remember they do not own him. Remember his children will in the future become married and may face similar dilemmas. People need to be free to make decisions and be themseves, but this needs to be balanced with kindness and love to all.
The answer is not easy and there is right answer, only different consequnces. Also remember that this man needs to make his own decisions about who he will love. YOu are not responsibe for him being drawn to you.
Love Lana:

kimmy_jacob · Nov 10, 2006, 11:00 AM

I have been in this position as "the other women" and I will tell you hunny, its not a nice place to be... To find out that your husband has "fallen" in love with another women is heartbreaking...

If their marriage is over then they will get a divorce, but their marriage doesn't seem to be over, and I think you should respect that...

Move on... Tell him that you will be there if and when he ever leaves his wife, but never give him an ultimatum or make him think that you want him to leave her.

diamond girl · Nov 15, 2006, 07:12 AM

I have similar situation in my life, so I can relate to what you're going through. I met a man 21 years ago, when I was single and just out of college. When we first laid eyes on each other, my heart felt like it burst out of my chest and I felt like I had known this man forever, even though I'd never seen him before. (He had just gotten back with his wife after a mutual separation back then.) Well in the past 21 years, I've been married and divorced, he separated and got back together again with his wife, and we've been there for each other to support and help each other through life's problems. I still feel that same "soul connection" with him that I felt 21 years ago and I believe he does too. Up until to now, we are just friends and have discussed many times that leaving a marriage for someone else never works. I've dated a lot since my divorce 10 years ago, but still haven't found someone who I feel that "soul connection" with like with this man. We've gone years without speaking to each other but always somehow seem to literally run into each other around town. It just reunites that feeling again that I had 21 years ago and I just have to let it go, which is so hard. However, I know that if we ever did wind up together, I'd want him to be 100% sure that his marriage was over and that he spent enough time on his own to grieve the end of his marriage. I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone, but for some reason this man was put into my life, so I have to work through this and figure out how it can contribute to my growth as a person.

talaniman · Apr 1, 2007, 06:13 PM

disagrees: hateful

It seems to me that since you are the one making bad decisions and doing the wrong things that you are the one that is hateful, and until you get healthy, as I have suggested, you will never move on to a hearthier lifestyle. Make better decisions.

talaniman · Apr 1, 2007, 06:19 PM

disagrees: too judgemental- and easier said than done... You don't CHOOSE who you love, that why it's called an emotion.

Your right you cannot choose who you love, but you can choose your actions. You have made a bad choice, but it is up to you to listen to a liar and a cheater or not!!

Blueyezz · Apr 14, 2007, 09:12 PM

Sizetack I have sent you a PM if you're still about. Hope it helps!

To everyone that has posted a helpful reply - its great that you care.

To those who haven’t, please understand that this woman is in pain and needs help, that’s why she has posted!

She doesn’t need a moral lecture, as I’m sure she has and is giving herself plenty of those already.

She is emotionally vulnerable and even though you may have strong opinions – why not offer her helpful words to try and help her heal.. and not hurtful words which will continue making her hurt!

talaniman · Apr 14, 2007, 10:08 PM

She is supposed to hurt. She made a choice that has brought her misery and pain, and this is the consequenses of her actions. She will suffer until she empowers herself to make healthier choices.

justthinking · May 6, 2007, 04:35 PM

Ask him this... Does he love his wife? Not love her because she is his wife, but love her for the persoon she is? Is she the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with? If you weren't in the picture, would he be happy with her? If he is with her because she is "nice" and he "doesn't want to hurt her", is he really doing her any favors by staying? Is that why you would want your spouse to stay with you? And if in fact he does love her, then you two need to end your relationship because YOU are the one who will be hurt.

fialochka · Oct 28, 2007, 06:29 AM

I just want to say - that if I was your child- I would really care for you to be happy. I would rather see my mum with another man , may be not even my dad- but happy and loved.
My parents lived together for 20 years, my mum has never cheated and never even looked at other men, but all this time I felt she was unhappy, because she was in love with another man- someone she met before my dad, but they were never together. My mum had no contact with him, so there was no emotional adultery- or what so ever. But there was just some emptiness in her marriage with my dad. I love my dad madly and I love my mum, but I felt it all my life- that something was missing there. I guess that sometimes life puts you in relationships, in which you are supposed to stay- for children, for somebody else, for somebody else's children and somebody else's feelings- but it's true- life is soooo short- and we shouldn't forget about ourselves too. Its just as painful and damaging to lie to yourself all your life.
I do think though that this married man should be honest about your love if he really loves you. If he wanted to see you and not his wonderful wife when he was very sick- its also for him to decide who he wants to be with the rest of his life.
I don't think you are a bad person, I think you are someone who has suffered a lot and I wish you so much strength and wisdom to get out of this situation somehow and I am so sure that one day you will be rewarded for your unconditional love and for all your pain and you will find a relief!
All my best wishes to you

heartbrokinbama · Oct 28, 2007, 09:00 PM

Originally Posted by Krs

The best thing to do is STOP talking to him until he is divorced. Its not fair on his wife, he needs to sort himself out.

Why should she stop doing what makes her happy... It must make him happy too. His marriage isn't so great if he is leading her on. I say fight for what you want. I too have been seeing a married man for 7 months. I am also married. It is very hard to be in this place. Real life "Fairy Tales" rarely happen. I think we should live each day as it was the last.

chuff · Oct 29, 2007, 05:22 PM