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    zippit's Avatar
    zippit Posts: 693, Reputation: 117
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    #21

    Nov 13, 2009, 10:15 AM

    You have to keep the point in front of your mind "She broke up with me" that SHOULD stop you from doing things like asking her back, spilling your guts etc. I would look at this meeting as her chance to try to work things out and it didn't come out so you gave her a chance the deed is done she may regret it but it doesn't sounbd like she wants to go back to the way things were I would get the stuff quickly if you have to turn around and sell it,store it give it to a friend because if the lease is soon to be up your stuff might come up missing and there won't be much you can do it will have been abandoned.
    buckley11's Avatar
    buckley11 Posts: 8, Reputation: 2
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    #22

    Nov 13, 2009, 06:42 PM

    Thanks for the help everybody.. I feel like I did the right thing now. I went to her a house a couple days ago to grab most of my stuff (she was at work, and I have to go back 1 more time next week to get the rest). Anyway, the house was all decorated for a party they're having this weekend for one of the roommates. This sucks, I had to move back in with my parents after this breakup, and she's living it up with her girls, throwing parties, etc. I'm basically an emotional wreck (even though I'm trying as hard as I can to not let her know), and she seems like she's completely over me.. even celebrating my absence. We were together for over 2 years, and it was an amazing relationship up until about the 2 year point, when things started unraveling. I don't know how she can't be thinking about those good times, and missing me a little, but I guess I'll never know. How can somebody shut down feelings so fast? Anyway, does anybody have any advice on how to get over these feelings of utter abandonment? I just need to find a way to not love her anymore, but it's seems impossible. I have stayed with NO contact though.. no texts, calls, emails. That's about the only thing I'm proud of right now.
    jmjoseph's Avatar
    jmjoseph Posts: 2,727, Reputation: 1244
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    #23

    Nov 13, 2009, 07:21 PM
    "This too shall pass" You'll be just fine. Life will go on, and you will find someone who will make you happy. You will look back on this one day and say " WOW, I'm glad that worked out the way it did".

    Love gives us our highest highs, and lowest lows. You're just at a low point right now.

    I know it feels like a kick in the stomach, but you will get over her, and find the right one .

    Good luck to you.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #24

    Nov 14, 2009, 01:57 AM
    Keep superbusy and try not to ask yourself questions that won't ever get answered.
    You re doing well with the NC kudos to you.
    zippit's Avatar
    zippit Posts: 693, Reputation: 117
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    #25

    Nov 14, 2009, 07:45 AM

    Instead of looking at this like
    "this sucks im back at my parents"
    Try to take this opportunity to connect with your parents,help with a project around the house there's always something that needs to be done,that way you will stay busy,show them you appreciate the hospitality its win win.
    I was going through this 12 yrs. Ago moved back with my Dad and went with them to Bingo I was basically in HELL in my eyes,yet there sitting right across from my Dad was this lovely lady we started talking and BINGO! Been married 11yrs now.Things happen for a reason look for them in your case.
    I wish's Avatar
    I wish Posts: 5,296, Reputation: 2030
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    #26

    Nov 14, 2009, 07:49 AM
    This is exactly why you need to go 100% no contact, so that you don't know what's going on in her life. The less you know, the easier it will be for you to move on. Don't compare what she's doing with you anymore.

    You're single now. It's time for you to do things for yourself. Go hang out with your own friends and have fun with them.
    buckley11's Avatar
    buckley11 Posts: 8, Reputation: 2
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    #27

    Nov 18, 2009, 10:31 PM

    Thanks everybody, I appreciate the advice and insights.. So, I went back to pick up the rest of my stuff today. I've had no contact with my ex in the last week, just a text about when I was getting the rest of my stuff. The house was still all decked out from a party that the girls threw over the weekend. Anyway, I had to go into her (our) room to get my TV, and there were a bunch of 'L' Word Dvds (which a show about lesbians on showtime or something) by the TV that she had been watching. Let me share a little history: Before my ex dated me, she had a girlfriend, but she insisted it was kind of an experiment, and that it didn't get too serious. Also, right after we started dating, we had a threesome with a lesbian friend of hers. After that experience, my ex refused to ever hang out with that girl again, and shut her out of her life. Anyway, after this happened, she never expressed any interest in having another threesome ever again, and as time passed, I assumed this "bi-curious" side of her just kind of faded into nothing, as we started talking about marriage, etc. When we started looking for a place together, she kept asking me if her best friend could move in with us, which I finally agreed to, but just couldn't understand, and never got over. Once we all moved in together, I kept asking her why she wouldn't live with just me, and she could never really give a straight answer, and now I feel so stupid because we broke up 3 months after I moved in, and she's happy as can be because she still has her place and her precious roommate.

    I know this is a lot of information to unload here, but maybe I've been blind to what the hell is really going on. After seeing those L word dvds, I can just imagine her and her girl friend cuddling up and watching them together. I don't know, the roommate girl has always had boyfriends, and has never seemed like she had lesbian tendencies, but what do I know? I just know that my ex just seemed super into the roommate (they work together too, and just seem generally inseparable). Please help, I feel so stupid and naïve, but if my ex left me because of feelings for this girl, at least I could stop blaming myself for what I did wrong in the relationship, and believe me I've been beating myself up. Anyway, I know all the signs are there, but it still seems like it would be too easy of an explanation for why she left me. I'm so confused...
    buckley11's Avatar
    buckley11 Posts: 8, Reputation: 2
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    #28

    Nov 18, 2009, 10:38 PM
    This just really hurts because I've never felt so "disposed" of by a person. I've been through several breakups before, and they always hurt, but I just can't believe how quickly she seemed to be over me. I'm a good guy, d**n it, and I feel like I deserve better treatment than this.
    amicon's Avatar
    amicon Posts: 6,066, Reputation: 1911
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    #29

    Nov 19, 2009, 12:35 AM
    Most often the so called dumper has been thinking about breaking up for some time and have already started to distance themselves from the relationship which is probably why they seem to move on quickly.
    Your ex rejected the relationship but you are still you-trust in the future and in eventually meeting someone you'll find real happiness with.
    boblawblaw's Avatar
    boblawblaw Posts: 21, Reputation: 2
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    #30

    Nov 19, 2009, 06:31 AM

    Damn I feel for you as I'm going through the same thing same thing 8 yrs with the ex gone also had to move back to rents until I find a place its hard but there really are worse things in life keep your head up, keep busy and good luck

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