She still doesn't know what she wants.

I wish · Nov 19, 2009, 01:27 PM

It's just part of the healing process. So don't worry too much.

Here are the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

Don't pick up her calls anymore, so that she can't mess with your mind anymore.

By keeping in touch, you will prolong the pain and suffering.

There's no magic potion to heal, but no contact definitely helps.

Fight the urge to break the no contact rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

lonelyman123 · Nov 19, 2009, 01:30 PM

I don't think I can do no contact right now... for some reason I just feel like we are close to getting back together... I know it sounds crazy

jmw0713 · Nov 19, 2009, 01:30 PM

You may not. Everyone heals differently, but the fact is you will heal. It just takes time.

Start rebuilding your life by contacting old friends, starting new hobbies, going to the gym, planning trips, and meeting new people. Most of all do something that is fun, although not much will seem fun right now, but eventually it will.

jmw0713 · Nov 19, 2009, 01:31 PM

Do what you want. Just be prepared!

lonelyman123 · Nov 19, 2009, 01:31 PM

That's the thing I don't have a lot of friends to hang out with we pretty much spent all of our time together and most of my old friends have moved away

I wish · Nov 19, 2009, 01:32 PM

Originally Posted by lonelyman123

I don't think I can do no contact right now...for some reason i just feel like we are close to getting back together...i know it sounds crazy

You mean you want her to keep dragging you around and leading you on? (i.e. fall for the demon of false hope)

I know it's tough. So grieve as long as you need. Go at your pace. Just be prepared to continue to suffer more heartbreak.

When you're done wanting to suffer, then you can go into no contact and heal properly.

lonelyman123 · Nov 19, 2009, 01:35 PM

Yea.. im not ready for no contact yet.. ill keep suffering for awhile:(

jmw0713 · Nov 19, 2009, 01:36 PM

I did the same thing you are about to do. I ended up getting my heart broken a second time when I found out she was seeing someone else. I thought we were "meant to be". I treated her like gold and got sh-- in return.

It took me about a year to get over my 3.5 year relationship. Of course I got weak over that period and talked to her. I woke up 3 weeks ago and finally walked away for good.

lonelyman123 · Nov 19, 2009, 01:37 PM

What happened three weeks ago that made u realize this?

lonelyman123 · Nov 19, 2009, 01:40 PM

I really only plan to hold on for about another month... I'm setting a hard date of the first of the year and then giving up for good... she's told me that she won't keep me waiting past this point because it isn't fair to me... so if she hasn't decided by then then ill know in my mind its over

lonelyman123 · Nov 19, 2009, 01:41 PM

I've got to go for now but I'll check back in later

jmw0713 · Nov 19, 2009, 01:43 PM

We started talking again back in August, after her new ex-bf dumped her. We would talk a few times a week. It was going pretty well. I started getting what is known as false hope.

I actually brought up possibly working things out between us. She told me she didn't want to have a boyfriend right now. (Tip #1)

I thought whatever. Then as we kept talking daily, she ended up telling me she hooked up with some other looser she was hanging around with recently. (Tip #2) That made me red in the face, but I didn't say anything. I just laughed.

Then we made plans to go out on Halloween. I went out with her and her friend to basically watch her flirt, hit on, and dance with other guys. (Tip #3) I told myself later that evening I shouldn't put myself through this anymore. I dropped her and her friend at the house they were staying at and told her never to call, text, or email me again. It still hurt, but I knew it had to be done. I left and didn't look back.

My whole saga is documented here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...re-261536.html

amicon · Nov 19, 2009, 01:48 PM

Don't put your life on hold-and don't allow somebody else's confusion to stop you from getting your life back on track.
Keep busy-do things you like to do and that make you feel better.

lonelyman123 · Nov 19, 2009, 04:30 PM

She isn't the type that would be out flirting or hooking up with guys that's not who she was before we started dating and its not who she is now so that's not what I'm worried about I know her well enough to figure out if there was someone else... I really believe in my heart we will be one of those 3% that get back together

jmw0713 · Nov 20, 2009, 12:30 PM

^^ I thought this same thing right after my ex put me on a "break"... Boy was I wrong. She is completely different now... I was stuck seeing the way she used to be. Now, it's almost like my ex is lost and on some kind of soul searching mission... It's weird!

People in the 18-25 year age group change immensely from year to year.

lonelyman123 · Nov 21, 2009, 05:12 PM

Seeing some progress I think... thanks for the support guys

lonelyman123 · Nov 24, 2009, 03:37 PM

I need a pick me up guys I'm feeling a little down today :(

I wish · Nov 24, 2009, 03:45 PM

What happened to make you feel so down?

Remember, it was your choice to drag out the pain and suffering.

lonelyman123 · Nov 24, 2009, 03:49 PM

I know its my choice... its just hard because I want things to work out between us and truly believe that she wants to work things out she has told me that she does... even told me that she loves me... she's just not ready yet... but she wants it to work out... just having a hard time accepting her not being totally committed yet and just waiting until that point

talaniman · Nov 24, 2009, 06:05 PM

Waiting for someone to be ready for what you want is a big downer, so stop waiting and get out into the real world and take advantage of better options and opportunities.

Her actions don't match her words, so what is it your waiting on?

Add your answer here.