[kristina4495]

I agree, sometimes people are at different 'levels' and places in their life and what they are feeling or hearing can be totally different from what you are saying or feeling.

Another point, if he is not ready but wants the benefits of togetherness and HAS IT....why would he (or she for that matter) want to give more....for what....a legal commitment? Especially if they are not ready to do that....but would rather just 'coast' along.

I do not feel that he will budge unless you shove him, then you will find out what's real.

Stringer

Stringer: So do you mean that he already has what HE wants, so there is no point for him to make any further moves? Is that a good or a bad thing in your perspective? Where does that leave me?

Are you saying I should or shouldn't shove him to find out the truth?

[Stringer]

Stringer: So do you mean that he already has what HE wants, so there is no point for him to make any further moves? Is that a good or a bad thing in your perspective? Where does that leave me?

Are you saying I should or shouldn't shove him to find out the truth?

While I agree that six months is not a long time, issues have developed that seem to concern you a lot. If they go unattended to, they will show up in another form that will not be productive and will undermine the relationship. The difference is that you and he are apparently not seeing it in the same way.

Although personally I like 'clearing the table' in relationships, I can see his position as I said prior. For some reason, he has a different posture/position.

I know that it is easier to offer an opinion when not emotionally involved however I know that if physical and emotional needs are being met then one may just say to themselves why would I want change? Commitment happens when you want it.

In my opinion, if he truly was 'committed' he would want to move this forward also, he doesn't appear to want that. Sorry, I know that you love him.

After my divorce and before I met my lovely wife, I dated for many years. Some of these relationships were somewhat 'committed' in that I dated no one else, but honestly even after a year or so with any of these women I would ask myself 'is this the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with?' And even though I believed that I loved them and that we 'worked' my answer was always... 'no.' And then I/we decided to end it (some are still friends).

When I was introduced to my wife I knew it would be something real and very special. How? Lord, I don't really know how to put that in a short sentence, but I knew she was it.

So maybe what I am saying is... does he feel this way? I think that you need to find out.

Stringer

[kristina4495]

Hey Stinger-

Thanks for your words of wisdom. I think you really understand where I am coming from.

Here's the thing: I have been in a few long term relationships as well, and just like you said, I always loved the person and we got along just fine, but I knew I didn't want to be with them for the rest of my life. Its completely different with this guy, I just KNOW. That doesn't mean I want to shove marriage and family down his throat, hell, I 'm not even sure if I want kids. But I'm like you where I just want things out on the table, plain and simple. If he doesn't feel the same way about me, then fine, but allow me to move on and meet someone who does.

I guess the easiest thing to do would just be to suck it up and ASK. Like you said, it seems like he doesn't feel this way and that sucks, but at least I will know. I just don't want to push him away.

[Stringer]

Hey Stinger-

Thanks for your words of wisdom. I think you really understand where I am coming from.

Here's the thing: I have been in a few long term relationships as well, and just like you said, I always loved the person and we got along just fine, but I knew I didn't want to be with them for the rest of my life. Its completely different with this guy, I just KNOW. That doesn't mean I want to shove marriage and family down his throat, hell, I 'm not even sure if I want kids. But I'm like you where I just want things out on the table, plain and simple. (1.) If he doesn't feel the same way about me, then fine, but allow me to move on and meet someone who does.

I guess the easiest thing to do would just be to suck it up and ASK. Like you said, it seems like he doesn't feel this way and that sucks, but at least I will know. (2.) I just don't want to push him away.

The two 'bolded' sentences above in your post;

1. Under the present circumstances, he won't.

2. Don't ask, he will stay, it's that simple hon.

But your situation may never change. Sorry, this is how I feel, but I wish you the best.

Stringer

[talaniman]

Your expectations are way to high for someone you have only known for 8 or nine months.

To much to fast, crash and burn.

The thing is your original posts are all about assumptions, and expectations, that you have, that you have pushed, and even though you have talked for hours, you must not of been listening, or not paying attention when he said he isn't ready for what you want.

Maybe not in words, but certainly not in actions. His history according to what you have written bears that out, but as long as you see things from just your perspective, you will never see his, so its best to slow down, way down, as a matter of fact, stop pushing, and either leave him alone, or let him catch up, at his own pace.

You do this by balancing your life with a lot of other things besides him, and don't get caught up, or carried away by just your own feelings, or the romantic things you do together.

If nothing else, this inability to work together to resolve your issues is a pure lack of communications. Unfortunately, neither of you are mind readers, but are strangers, who have some work to do.

You can't do it by yourself. He has to be willing to do his part, if he is ready. So back off, and give him space to process, and understand what each of you is really saying.

Let him chase you a bit. That means not being so easily available. Communications is what your lacking though. Why??? One of you doesn't listen, and the other doesn't talk.

[kristina4495]

You're right. I've backed off. And been proven what I thought all along. So thank you for telling me I haven't been listening. Because I am now.