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Mdcunningham · Jul 29, 2009, 08:03 AM

No , I purchased them on her behalf. And yes , I don't trust her very much.

It was why my family suggested the permision slip thing , but if need be I will go through the court. I don't know how that will sit with her and I don't want to damage any chances I have of seeing him next week . Yes , I walk on egg shells around her just to be able to talk to him.

excon · Jul 29, 2009, 08:05 AM

Hello M:

Absent a court ordered custody and visitation plan, EITHER parent is entitled to their children... Therefore, you could't be charged with kidnapping your children - EVER.

I've been reading about notes. You don't need a NOTE either to be with your own children.

excon

Justwantfair · Jul 29, 2009, 08:08 AM

Personally, filing for joint custody may stop her from wanting your visit to take place. It may make her feel threatened because you haven't partcipated with visitation often previous to this. I would file for a Visitation order and get regular visitation established. It will help to build a bond without a huge change for the child and it will help ensure that the two week visit takes place. Talk to her about what you would like, see if you can get in writing something that you both can agree on, then take it into court together and have a judge legally enforce it. That will be the most cost effective way to have things taken care of for now. Contact an attorney locally, some will do an initial consultation free of charge and you can find out if they know of a legal way to have the two week visitation enforced since it is agreed, so that you can protect yourself.

N0help4u · Jul 29, 2009, 08:10 AM

I think that her sending him on the plane would prove that it was her intention for him to be with you but I am not sure what all problems she may want to start with you if any

I think to get a court order joint custody thing you would have to go through her court. I do think there is an electronic thing that you can do so that you wouldn't have to actually be there for the filing or hearing.

Right now the visitation paper sounds like the best way to go.

I would definitely get a custody order for future protection on everything.
With such short notice I am not even sure it would go through by the time he is here with you.

Mdcunningham · Jul 29, 2009, 11:11 AM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

I think that her sending him on the plane would prove that it was her intention for him to be with you but I am not sure what all problems she may want to start with you if any

Basically I don't want her saying " he kidnapped my son" 3 days into his stay ( example) even though we both agreed to this visit both on the phone and through email. I booked the flight ( round trip) on the dates that she agreed with and sent her all the information regarding the flight departures and arrivals.

N0help4u · Jul 29, 2009, 11:16 AM

Yeah I understand. I think as excon said that he is your son your name is on the birth certificate, plus you have the emails and stuff.

So hopefully for now that may be good enough especially if it is only a two week thing

Mdcunningham · Jul 29, 2009, 11:37 AM

Again , thank you all for the responses. It was very informative and made me realize that I need to have a "contract" of some sort with her on visitation that can be legitimized by the courts. I will be talking to her to work up a schedule that we can get a judge to sign off on so as to protect both of us. But for now I am giddy with excitement once again at the prospect of seeing him again after all these years. Again , thank you very much.

N0help4u · Jul 29, 2009, 11:39 AM

I hope you have a really nice visit with him and can have him as a part of your life now to some degree. Lacking a relationship with his dad may even be why he is rebellious.

Justwantfair · Jul 29, 2009, 11:39 AM

Good luck to you, please continue to use your visitation rights.

As a young man, your son needs you in his life.

cdad · Jul 29, 2009, 01:09 PM

This is getting a little too complicated for what it really seems to be to me. If your worried about her charging you with kidnapping then have her drop you a note that has been noterized at her end that you have the child for this 2 week period that your talking about. If later you want something on a reguler basis then that's the time to ask for a modification. As of right now you should still have joint legal custody of the child and its just a matter of clearing the visitation aspect is all.

Often times when child support is calculated there must be a order for visitation so you can calculate support. Now it can be 0% physical custody for the one paying but it's a base to determine the custodial parent.

Justwantfair · Jul 29, 2009, 01:15 PM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

This is getting alittle too complicated for what it really seems to be to me. If your worried about her charging you with kidnapping then have her drop you a note that has been noterized at her end that you have the child for this 2 week period that your talking about. If later you want something on a reguler basis then thats the time to ask for a modification. As of right now you should still have joint legal custody of the child and its just a matter of clearing the visitation aspect is all.

Often times when child support is calculated there must be a order for visitation so you can calculate support. Now it can be 0% physical custody for the one paying but its a base to determine the custodial parent.

Without anything other than a child support order, how are you determining he has joint legal custody. He has not seen the child in nearly twelve years and has only had telephone communication with the out of state child.

ScottGem · Jul 29, 2009, 01:18 PM

Originally Posted by Mdcunningham

Basicaly i dont want her saying " he kidnapped my son" 3 days into his stay ( example) even though we both agreed to this visit both on the phone and through email. I booked the flight ( round trip) on the dates that she agreed with and sent her all the information regarding the flight departures and arrivals.

This cannot happen. The ONLY way you might be charged with kidnapping is if you took the child and did not inform the custodial parent where you too the child. Since he is going to be living at your residence, which I assume the mother knows the address of, then there can be no charge of kidnapping. So stop worrying about that.

The waiver of DNA testing you signed was liklely an acknowledgement of paternity. When the court accepted that you were acknowledged as the legal parent and you probably have joint LEGAL custody.

Now, as to not seeing your son for 12 years, that will work against you if you go to court for any sort of visitation schedule. The court will wonder why you waited so long.

But, if the mother voluntarily allows the child to visit you have no worries. You do not need a signed permission slip or anything like that. Though proof that you gave the mother the plane tickets would be good to keep.

cdad · Jul 29, 2009, 01:23 PM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Without anything other than a child support order, how are you determining he has joint legal custody. He has not seen the child in nearly twelve years and has only had telephone communication with the out of state child.

Its an assumption Im making because he didn't say his rights were taken away. He may not have visitation as far as set periods but if he were to lose legal custody then he would have nothing to stand on with this child. I think you can see the logic in this line of thinking.

ScottGem · Jul 29, 2009, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Without anything other than a child support order, how are you determining he has joint legal custody. He has not seen the child in nearly twelve years and has only had telephone communication with the out of state child.

I agree with Califdad. The courts are not going to order child support unless a person has been established as the legal parent. Unless the court specifically removes legal custody from one parent there is a logical and reasonable assumption they they have joint LEGAL custody.