[valinors_sorrow]

Safire, I am wondering how often do you let your feelings take a backseat to his choices? In little stuff? In the bigger stuff? I think this warrants a really frank conversation about how you feel. Your boyfriend needs to know that he is pushing this into the discomfort zone with you. And you need to see what he does with that too ---- BEFORE you buy a house which is a big commitment. People who love us take that stuff seriously and respond with concern. If he isn't going to do that then you need to make other plans as that sort of selfishness only compounds with time-- you only need to read some of the threads here to see that too. There is a reason stuff is done in a certain order in relationships and I understand you virtually have everything except the marriage and mortgage. But please Safire, make it marriage first, mortgage second?

[safire923]

it's been a while since i've been on the site... i can't beileve all the response and advise i recieved. thank you to all of you who took the time to read my question and those who actually answered. well, so far, i've been able to express to him how i felt about the situation. we aren't gonna buy a house just yet and it looks like we might be making our relationship and commitment to one another sometime in the spring of 2007 which is when he graduates from college. apparently that is what he was waiting for and that is what he meant when he said when he was ready. graduating from college was what he wanted to do first and get his career to a jump start.
we are doing great...i must say better than ever. i had alot of bottled up emotion and i guess i was able in some way to vent through this site. i took into consideration everyone's advise and concerns. thank you so much for the help. i really do appreciate it.

i hope everyone had a great holiday and i wish you all a wonderful new year!!

[jonjons1girl]

I have to disagree about cutting him off or moving out. I was in the same situation! If you both are doing great in the relationship then it is OK to wait. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 yrs. He wanted to wait because he wasn't ready either. He was in college and all and really was set in waiting. I felt impaitient and like he was "getting the milk for free" sometimes. But as is graduation approached in Aug of 06, I noticed that when marriage came up things were more positive, like doing it soon. And I just tried to remind myself that I would wait because I did love him. Well he graduated and now we are getting married in April. Sometimes guy and girls can be set in their ways or ideas of how it should be. He was set in his view on Marriage. He thought it would be best after school. So I just sat back and waited. Now it is finally here! So be patient if you love him. Love is about putting each other first.