[Skell]

You don't want the drippings off the nose of this grub.
Stop worrying about him and what he is doing.

Who cares.
Stuff him.

It is about you and your kids.

[K_3]

I just so hate it when my daughter comes back full of her weekend with her Dad.
So now he has a new four bed house in the country and his girlfriend really wants a hot tub in the garden so he's going to surprise her with one! Good God, we're his family and we didn't even get the drippings off his nose!!!
What I wouldn't give to never hear about him again.

It would be nice not to hear of him again. My mother told me never to sleep with someone I did not want to know for the rest of my life. Children will always tie you together,so that is not going to be an option. Now, you have wasted for too much time and energy on this man. Put on your best and get out there and find someone who loves you and the two of you can have a nice house in the country and he will love you enough to give you your whim. Do not waste another thought for this man. His new girlfriend and he marry and she gets pregnant and he does not want it, she gets house and hot tub. He gets more child support and little apartment. No one knows the future. When someone uses others eventually it all comes tumbling home. Do not wish ill on someone, that is not good. Just wait.

[kay13]

Thanks K_3, I've wasted a lot of time and emotion. I like the bit about her getting the hot tub:) it's so true! I've realised that slowly things are improving, I don't think about him as much, it seems insignificant now as I don't actually think I have any feelings which is good.
Thanks skell, it's about me & the kids and we're OK and that's all that matters, he surely is a grub! X

[chuff]

Next time you start to get angry at what he has materially you should look at a photo of your son and think how lucky you are that you have a child who loves and repects you and sees right through your ex. That would have to make you feel better than a new bathtub anyday.

[kay13]

Point taken Chuff, it works too! :D

[bizygurl]

Hi kay.. its time that you have move on. This man is no good for you and apparently never was. If you let people use you then they will. This isn't love. No man that truly loves and respects a woman would ever do this to them. And although you say that you still love him are you sure that you really do? Or are you "loving" him in case that he does decide to come back. Im sorry that he wasn't there for you during your pregnancy with your daughter no man should make a woman choose between them and a child its not right and its not fair. For that mere fact would have made me forget him a long time ago. He is using you and does not love you. At least not enough to stay faithful. You're an attractive woman and you could do so much better sweetheart. Don't waste another minute on a man like this he doesn't deserve you.

[kay13]

Hi bizygurl,
It is time I truly believe that now. If I probe deep maybe after he gave me that choice it was dead and buried, I guess I kept it alive because I was scared.
No, he didn't love me or he would never have hurt me in such a cruel way.
It's time for me and my lovely little family to move on and find happiness without him. I'm now more at peace with myself and don't feel as tortured as a few months ago. My demons are leaving me slowly but surely and I hope there is a better life for me.
Everyone here has helped me find my path and put the past and him firmly where it belongs and I will always be grateful for that. X

[bizygurl]

That's wonderful Kay. Im happy that myself and others have been a help to you. That's what were here for. There is a better life for you and your on the right track. Good luck with everything.

[gansada]

You need to move on.

He was mean enough to make you choose between an

UNBORN CHILD

AND

A REALATIONSHIP with HIM.

Think wisely.

Move on, Forget him.

Find someone else, remember there are more than 1 guy in your state.

Peace!

Hoped i helped!

[kay13]

Hi gansada, I'm moving on and forgetting him and I must admit it is getting easier. It's great that there is no contact, and the fact that he's found that so easy just about proves what his feelings were for me. I think I'll give the dating game a miss for a while and concentrate on me.

[Wildcat21]

Please do - and forget this guy, Ughhhhhhh!!

There are a lot of great guys out there - but take it SLOW - look for red flags. If you take your time you will find a great guy. Just be smarter about the situation - get stronger. Heal.

[kay13]

Hi WC,

Funnily enough your comment 'get smarter - get stronger' is precicely what my counsellor told me last week. I need to listen to my feelings instead of choosing to ignore them as I did when I met my husband. So although I knew what he was cabable of I chose not to listen to myself. A harsh lesson and a mistake that won't happen again. It's a matter of trusting myself.

[wap]

Your situation is very difficult, I would say you should probably try to forget him too. I as you know, know that this is easier said than done. He has another woman though, that's horrible.

[kay13]

Hi wap, I think sometimes the fact that he has another woman helps me. It has meant that for the first time in 10 years I have had to let go. I look on it, as do my family, that he has done me a massive favour. It honestly is getting better. My daughter and I go on holiday on Tuesday and that is truly a massive step forward for me. Wish me luck!

[pegsue42]

Someone please help! I divorced my husband 10 years ago because he made me choose between my marriage and our unborn child. I choose our child and had a beautiful baby girl alone. Since then my ex has kept me on the back burner with promises that one day we will be together. Last weekend I discovered that another woman had been staying with him at weekends and he introduced her to our daughter, I'm devestated and don't know how to get through this. Our 18 year old son hasn't spoken to him for 3 years because of how he treats me, and he is giving this as the excuse for not being a family. We had a very bitter divorce and I went through pregnancy and birth alone just hoping that once he saw the baby he would change his mind but he has been dangling the carrot ever since. Trouble is I love him and can't see a future without him, but I also know I can't go on like this.
On my request we've not had contact for two months because it's worse when I see him, so he's picking up or daughter from my moms house. Help, I don't know where to go from here.:confused:

Why would you want to love someone who treats you like dirt?? He made his choice when he did not want your "beautify baby girl". It's been 10 years, he has moved on. Now it's your turn! Find someone who will love you and your children. Your x is not the guy.

[kay13]

Hi pegsue, I promise I will find someone who cherishes me and my kids, because we deserve the best, no more putting up with a man who treats me like dirt.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Why would you want to love someone who treats you like dirt??? He made his choice when he did not want your "beautify baby girl". It's been 10 years, he has moved on. Now it's your turn! Find someone who will love you and your children. Your x is not the guy.

Yes, he is obviously not worth your time and effort.. You will find someone who can appreciate you for who you are...

[kay13]

Thanks Geofferson, I hope so too.

[wap]

I agree too, it is going to take time to get over the whole situation. There are various stages as you know. It sounds like this guy just keeps messing about. It seems that age doesn't make guys grow up and be responsible! Not all guys are the same though : ) I am trying to see all the positive things now, things in your life will be easier for you without him.

[valinors_sorrow]

I found it easier to allow myself to feel the continued love I have for them but silmultaneously remember that the one I love is dysfunctional--meaning not capable of returning love in a healthy manner. That also requires (if I love myself, which I do) that I protect myself, usually by discontinuing the relationship or minimizing it as much as possible. I let go of the dream that they will change. I "distance myself with love", as they say in Al-Anon, so there is no bitterness on my part to sour my future relationships. It's a kind of strange forgiveness that is very freeing while not signing me up again for stuff like that-- from them or anyone else. Very worth the pain, that lesson, but it took time to see that in hindsight, Kay.