[N0help4u]

You DID all you can now all you can do is let him know you love him and have a very serious conversation about what he is doing to himself. The dangers of the pill combination. How they can and do cause seizures leading to early death. Ask him why he wants to self destruct himself. I knew a guy that mixed pills and started with strokes, had a few heart attacks by the time he was in his mid 30's and was dead by 40.
Pill combinations are serious but your hands are pretty much tied if he is persistent in doing what he is going to do. He has to want help. He doesn't see he has a problem to want help.
I don't know if tough love of kicking him out and selling your house would work or drive him further into his ways.
He needs help but he has to WANT help.
Is he being drug tested by his PO?

[ANB428]

You said that he was on probation, right? If it were my child, I would tell his probation officer. He might get in trouble for violation of probation, but at least he won't be dead.

Like Nohelp4u stated, he is 18, you can't really put him in a rehab. No matter what you say or do, it is up to him to make the correct decision.

Good luck.

[Jake2008]

There does reach a point in any parent/child relationship where each has to let go of the other.

Yes, you are perfectly entitled to a happy life, without the burden of your sons continued drug use, and lifestyle.

He is old enough to call his own shots, and he does.

I think that should you decide to keep living for him, and providing for him, and trying against all odds, then you are throwing away your own happiness.

I say this with the understanding that you have done everything you absolutely could, and he has even moved his drugs into your home, right under your nose.

Please speak to his probation officer. Then speak to him. Be prepared to tell him that your life is changing direction, and you will be getting married, and moving away to start a new life.

If he gets his act together you will consider seeing him again. Make it clear he is on his own financially and otherwise. He has to learn the hard way, obviously, but he has to learn without handouts and a warm bed and meals on the table.

And you must make that break with a clear conscience. You aren't shutting him out of your life, you are forcing him to realize that you won't be available at his beck and call. You need to live your life.

[0rphan]

Hi Kayemak,

What a difficult situation, on the one hand I can see what everyone is saying : leave him live your life and he can sort himself out,but somehow there's this nagging in the back of my mind saying... no he can't.

I think he's so far adrift with reality,what with the drugs and everything that he wouldn't know where to start.

I know the other posts are saying he'll soon learn to stand on his own two feet... sink or swim... and yes up to a point they are correct,perhaps if he wasn't on drugs and was in his right mind I might agree,. but he's not.

I deal with drug users every day, they paint their own world which is far away from the real one, a place that they choose to be in because reality is to hard to cope with what ever their reasons.
There is absolutely no point in talking or trying to reason with a person who takes drugs, one, they'll agree to anything and two, half the time they won't remember anyway.

I think the drugs have to be sorted first, get him in a stable and realistic frame of mind then the rest can be sorted out with his head being clear.

Now I know your saying " easier said than done" yes it is,sadly I don't know how your system works in the states, but in the uk if proven you have drugs about your person, you would be imprisoned and dried out, giving you a fresh start on your release,this does work with a medication given as a replacement should you require further help.

There is no way he will ever keep a job or even be given a chance if the drugs are not sorted, I believe this is the root which has to be dealt with before everything else falls into place.

You sound a lovely lady and yes you deserve happiness but I can also see that in my opinion you would not leave your son no matter how many people tell you to, you would worry yourself silly, thinking what if he does something stupid etc...

At the end of the day he is only 18 and although self inflicted has been through a lot at such a young age... there are so many influences out in the world of today which prey on the likes of the young.

Although you say you are the provider etc I don't think your son really takes that on board, one thing for sure is,he knows you are the only solid thing in his life that he knows he can depend on who will always be there.

To help this situation he needs to go into rehab, using what ever means is necessary to get him there,then start his healing process,it will take a while but in the long term will be a new beginning for you both.

In my heart of hearts I truly feel that you as a mum would feel much happier knowing that you haven't just walked out but have made some necessary progress in the recovery of your son's drug habit .

I don't think it's so much the marriage as you've been together 28 years, although it would be lovely for you both,I think it's more the moving away from everything, perhaps in your mind some kind of escape from it all.

However I do think you have to sort one chapter in your life to ensure happiness in the next.

My sincere apologies if I have offended you it's my opinion only.

Takecare