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aa2803 · Jun 22, 2009, 04:48 PM

Thanks for all the advice guys. I think I will stick to my guns and continue NC till at least the end of next week - god its so hard though! The only other thing is that her brother did tell me that she's not going to call me unless I call her first. So confusing? I hate all these games we have to play in life. Is there such a thing as eternal love? These events have really shaken my entire belief system. I used to believe that our love could never end. Now I don't think I can ever look at another relationship like that again and its really disheartening because what's the point if that is the case? It feels like a big part of my soul has just died, and I'm empty inside. Oh my, how ignorance was bliss!

paxe · Jun 22, 2009, 07:42 PM

We understand your pain and it seems first time break up are the hardest ( I can tell from experience ). First of all, it is normal to have a breakup and it is very rare that first time love stay together. I just recently went out of my first break up after 3 years of dating.
I think you are asking yourself the wrong question and you are clinging to false hope. Usually when a girl breaks up it is finished and she is only trying to make herself feel better if she wants some contact.
I don't think there is anything as eternal love, there is only great love that you work very hard to keep it. Once you get yourself better and you get a sense of your OWN life you will see things clearer and when you will fall in love with someone else you will forget all the pain. For now, we are here for you.

talaniman · Jun 22, 2009, 09:25 PM

Let the dust settle, and make a decision with a few days to yourself, but sending messages like this through her brother is a bit immature, like in high school. That's a game for kids.

aa2803 · Jun 22, 2009, 09:30 PM

Yea her brother just messaged me on the internet to see if I had something of his, and after I said bye, just couildn't help myself and asked how my ex was going and that's when he told me all the above. Kind of regret breaking NC now, but he promised me not to tell his sister that he talked to me though. Hopefully he will keep his word

RUBEN SANCHE · Jun 22, 2009, 09:45 PM

In the book back in the very old days of 1970. Emotional problems like breakup and how to handle them. That help me tremendously, not to get my back but to understand the breakup situation in life till now 40 yrs later. The question is not whether you might get back but because you do care for her and love her, than try to show in a different approach what that means. No contact is never good although it doesn't have to be direct communication because it can be through love notes or just a card once or twice a week . A reminder to her that you care. When there is no communication that your relying on others to influence her on your account. Others to tell her you do love her or don't love her or others to tell her you're a jerk for jerking her around with games and arguments. If she has someone smart influencing her than it might work out well for you, but if she doesn't you might lose her forever. And have regrets of never knowing what caused her to change her mind and leave you forever. In the book the breakup process either last 1 month 1 to 2 yrs or forever and you will never forget her. Like I have 40 yrs although married with children and wouldn't change the circumstance but regret not being able to communicate with her because of many others that influence her to leave me. Don't make the same mistakes if she means alt to you.

paxe · Jun 23, 2009, 07:11 AM

Did you ask yourself why she makes you own life happy? It seems that your happiness is based on whether she is there or not. I say you have to learn to let go and love yourself...

aa2803 · Jun 23, 2009, 07:20 AM

Originally Posted by paxe

Did you ask yourself why she makes you own life happy? It seems that your happiness is based on whether she is there or not. I say you have to learn to let go and love yourself...

Yep, she does make me happy. I enjoy being around her. Is this not normal for any relationship? Why else would you be in a relationship with someone? I know that I can be happy again eventually if this break up is for good, but I honestly feel deep inside that what we had is worth fighting for.

Anyway, caved in and gave her a call tonight and had a really good chat. I kept extremely calm and was just honest to her, which I think she appreciated. Basically told her that I understand what she is feeling and why she did what she did, and that if I didn't call her for a while, it was because I wanted to give her space and not because I was avoiding her or angry at her. She told me she misses me heaps and loves me, but basically just wants time. So now I am feeling a bit better, but trying to keep my hopes down so I don't get burned as bad if things don't work out again. Plan now is to take it one day at a time and see what happens.

talaniman · Jun 23, 2009, 08:00 AM

So much for going NC for a month.

So your back to square one trying to wait for her to change her mind. Are we seeing a pattern here? You should. This is where you started at with your first post.

Just a question, why didn't you ask her how much time she is talking about she needs?? You made a point to tell her you wouldn't call her, and would respect her space, why would you not ask her that question??

So go ahead, and hold your breath, until the next nice chat. She is making decisions for you both, and you allow that.

Make a decision that works for you, and that takes you out of your holding pattern.

paxe · Jun 23, 2009, 11:44 AM

Originally Posted by aa2803

Yep, she does make me happy. I enjoy being around her. Is this not normal for any relationship? Why else would you be in a relationship with someone? I know that I can be happy again eventually if this break up is for good, but I honestly feel deep inside that what we had is worth fighting for.

Anyway, caved in and gave her a call tonight and had a really good chat. I kept extremely calm and was just honest to her, which I think she appreciated. Basically told her that I understand what she is feeling and why she did what she did, and that if I didn't call her for a while, it was because I wanted to give her space and not because I was avoiding her or angry at her. She told me she misses me heaps and loves me, but basically just wants time. So now I am feeling a bit better, but trying to keep my hopes down so I don't get burned as bad if things don't work out again. Plan now is to take it one day at a time and see what happens.

What I meant is that can you be happy on yourself or is your happiness dependent on her? Anyhow I think I can translate what she is saying: "I want some time"="I want to look around and I want to string you along". There is millions of situation that are exactly like that (mine also). It is just trouble, just get out of it and start healing. Tell her you have taken a decision and that you will start healing by yourself. Only then will you feel better.

buntrockj · Oct 9, 2012, 08:26 AM

Agreed, I'm am trying to read a whole bunch of forums right now as well, my GF of 4.5 yrs just decided to break it off. I am in the same boat as you my friend, the want to reach out to her, but the need to wait, and the feeling like she doesn't want any part of you anymore. The feeling like everything inside that made you who you are has died, and you will never feel emotion like that again, I feel you. I still don't know what to do... and am looking for advice. Meet at the same age as well, I was 19, she was 18.

sillyme1978als · Oct 9, 2012, 11:43 AM

It is hard to understand the rules of how to fight in an argument.. but one of the things I read on the first page of your thread is that you would RUN to your parents house and not face the argument... If that is what you did.. that is a big problem.. I am with my husband, we have been together 6 1/2 yrs and married almost 6.. (Short engagement lol).. anyway.. he did the same thing.. ran to his parents house every time we fight.. he'd pack what little items he considered his in our home.. and leave.. it drove me NUTS!!! That is a HUGE HUGE issue.. but as far as the chances of getting back together.. yes you have a chance.. after that much time invested in the relationship, I think you have a good chance.. but to add to a lot of the same opinions and advice you have been given.. you have to work on that communication.. I would call / email whatever you feel is appropriate in that month's time and be ready to hear some things you aren't going to like to hear... Hope it all works out.. I got my own bee's nest to contend with!