[Tando]

I must always remember that her breaking up with me doesn't make her a bad person...

Really good point, my man.

That is exactly the same way of thinking I am turning into...
It was her decision, but the pain is yours and you own it.

[ainest]

Merged thread

So, unfortunately during NC, I was at a party and my ex showed up. I was well into the process of getting over her. I was no longer very unhappy and I hadn't thought about her much. I was moving on with my life, as much as could be given the short time frame. When she showed up, at first I felt indifferent. However, she gave me a big hug and told me she missed me (a couple of times). Before departing, she did the same again, and then said "we should do this more, hang out more". Unfortunately, this has brought back hope and killed some of the closure I got from NC. Am I seeing to far into it? I can't figure out if I have a shot again and I should contact her more, or if she's just interested in friendship. One thing I can say unmistakably, and without doubt: the look in her eyes showed longing.

[88sunflower]

Well what's her story? Does she have a boyfriend? Why did you split up? I think since you were finally moving on and starting to live again you should keep it that way. You split for a reason and it might creep back up on you again if you start to date again. Maybe she saw you moved on and she didn't like it. Maybe she wanted you to be hung up on her still and you were not. Stick with it.

[dreamingartist]

With my X it's the same way... we can be apart forever and if we see each other and hang out, we end up hooking up. The reality is that no matter how much we lust for each other, we still don't work well together. You can hook back up with her, but will it ever change the true reasons you don't work out? For me I know that my X and I will never work out... ever... so it just confuses you and puts hope in your mind. Of COURSE she longs for you... most X's wish they didn't have to break up.. I mean who wants to break up! But it doesn't change the incompatibility...

[Justwantfair]

Whether she is interested in friendship or not, doesn't matter.
You aren't ready, and that is OK.
There was a spark before or you wouldn't have been together in the first place.
That spark doesn't die.

[CrazyThumper]

Just reading this boils my blood as I feel for you. Are you looking to far into it? Absolutely. Because if she MISSED YOU and WANTED to hang out with you more often- she would not have waited until seeing you at a party to start that bs. She would have made a phone call, sent an email, or found you- not RAN into you.

One thing I am finally learning about females is.. if they want to be in your life, NOTHING will stop them from being in your life. Keep on with the no contact man.. it's a minor hicup. I have ran into my ex about 7 times in the last 2 months and it's destroyed me.. even after not being with her for 8 months.. it's not always something we can control.

Keep your head up.
Thumper

[kctiger]

Women are foul beasts sent to suck the life out of men... it is the way of the world man. This kind of garbage happens... don't let it mess you up! Let her actions do the talking, not her little BS words!

(No offense intended to the nice ladies out there)

[roxypox]

Of course I don't know you, or her or the break-up and everyone is different.

After a break up (as you know) its not uncommon to miss the other person. And of course she might miss your company, but that's not to say that she misses the actual relationship.

As for NC it really is regrettable that your process was disrupted in this way an d that false hope came back.

B/c it is very likely that she meant what she said in a friendly manner (that is, she wants to be friends and hang out as friends, but nothing more).

You should continue the NC for your sake, unless you are willing to live with false hope and the frustration of unrequited feelings (which is a possible outcome).

I hope this was of some help!

Best of luck

Roxy

[talaniman]

Forget the false hope and deal with your feelings, and stick with NC. This is but a glitch, that will pass if you let it. It's a gage of where you are at, and you are still healing. No big deal!! Just stay on your path.

[Romefalls19]

Just like swine flu, this too shall pass. Stick to NC, also advise highly against hanging out with her or even speaking with her. You have come too far to turn back

[ainest]

I should clarify, she called me a couple of days before the meeting, and left me a voicemail indicating she'd like to hang out. That also contributes to the false hope. I think it all just indicates that I really miss her and want to be with her again. It just sucks because a couple of days before this, I was doing great. Thanks for all the great advice on this so far.

[ainest]

I hate to drag this out, but there is something I'm dwelling on that I can't seem to shake... and I guess this is the place to vent it. All the way back on the day that we broke up, weeks and weeks ago, when she told me I said that "i'd feel cold and loney if she left me". I know this is dramatic (I was basically begging her not to do it at the time), but her response was "see, THAT dependence scares me!". Should I take this as a sign that I am to needy and should change?

I don't know if I really think that or not... but I can't stop wondering if it won't come back and botch my future relationships. But on the other hand, shouldn't I feel that way about someone I love and don't want to lose? Should I take her words to heart?

[kctiger]

Ainest, you have to learn to be your own person, without dependence on someone else for happiness. Relationships are about sharing, and if you love yourself someone will come along that wants to SHARE that love with you.

Never doubt that you are good enough, with, or without someone in your life.

[ainest]

Well, its been a few months since the breakup and around a month since my last post. Things have gone to hell, for sure. Against the wonderful advice I received here, I continued hanging out with her. We became physical for a couple of days, before I put a stop to that because it was hurtful. It was revealed (when I asked her) that she has been with multiple other guys since the breakup, which stings pretty badly. She has also been behaving self destructively with alcohol. I continued to hang out with her after discovering this, however, which has built some genuine anger and resentment.

I know what I must do now; NC is the only way to go. What I would like some input on, however, is how to handle the hurt that her actions with other men have caused me. Her first endeavor was only days after our breakup. I can't help but feel like complete garbage. I feel like during our long relationship, I was simply in the way of her doing what she does now. I feel like all my time and effort spent on the relationship meant nothing to her. It is really very devastating to have this knowledge.

[vanheart]

Im going through a similar thing. 2mo. Of NC though.

I have had & still have many of those thoughts, but you can't or ever will get inside her head. There's really now point now, that's torture and, in a way doesn't help you one bit.

What Im learning is that every ounce of pain Ive felt since the breakup is self-inflicted. May sound weird, but I realized that once she dropped the bomb, I had to deal with it.

That's why NC is so important, to heal & understand yourself, to grow. And also to remove the drama and any future pain that the ex will inflict.

Not easy by any means, and Im still thinking about this BS. But, only time, strength and self-awareness will help ease the pain.

There's ups & downs & relapses, but if you truly work at healing yourself, everyday becomes a step forward.

Good luck man, you can do it...

[amicon]

I like this very much vanheart.I m about four weeks down the road and it takes time. But we ll work on it. All the best.