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jalene11 · Jun 16, 2009, 09:18 AM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

How nice of your brother to step in like that!

I would encourage her to go, no strings attached. It may seem out of balance to allow her a nice trip to NY without really earning it, or necessarily deserving it, but more importantly is the relationship with another adult, and she may just have an opportunity to talk to him. You never know in the future where she may not be able to come to you with something, and your brother will be there for her.

I also think that certain things shouldn't be left for negotiation. If you deny her family visits with him, or your parents, you are really punishing them too. There is such a richness in fostering these relationships; she's a very lucky girl, everybody cares so much for her.

I would make an exception, and consider it not so much him rewarding bad behaviour, but encouraging good behaviour so that she isn't denied his time and support. I know it would be easy to not allow the trip, to make a point, but maybe negotiate a substitute to show her you are flexible too.

Remember that they don't see or experience what you do. Not that they don't understand or support you, but for your sake, and his, and your daughter, it sounds like a good idea to me.

Thank you so much

Jake2008 · Jun 16, 2009, 09:43 AM

You are most welcome. That's the beauty of AMHD, you'll get different ideas and suggestions; you are not alone that's for sure.

Hope that if you decide to let her go to NY that you take some time for yourself. Maybe a bottle of wine, chocolate, and a couple of good movies! :D

MsMewiththat · Jun 16, 2009, 09:54 AM

Jake2008 I have to spread the REP but you are the best. You have a very compassionate way of expressing the truth. It's not always just what you say it's how it's presented and you are a blessing.
I must add that yesterday I was suffereing from a little PMS... sorry I was so brash about how to treat your daughter jalene... I was in my B mode... pardon me. Please.

jalene11 · Jun 16, 2009, 10:08 AM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

You are most welcome. That's the beauty of AMHD, you'll get different ideas and suggestions; you are not alone that's for sure.

Hope that if you decide to let her go to NY that you take some time for yourself. Maybe a bottle of wine, chocolate, and a couple of good movies! :D

Yes definitely I think I will do that. It will be fun for her to go. She is soorrounded by lots of love and she is very fortunate. I make sure she understand how much love she has from all of us and how fortunate she is because not every kid in the world can have that or are able to have that in their lives! So God Bless you for all of your advice and hope to keep in touch!