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Arianna26 · Apr 2, 2009, 08:49 PM

Hey I'm not against anyone... it's a free country do what you want... just be smart about it...

teastalk · Apr 2, 2009, 11:37 PM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

I have to say, I think you ask very mundane questions.

They don't really make sense, they aren't how people think and they never seem to have any relationship to actual advise needed.

You have 120 posts and 35-40 questions that you have asked that do not help with any relationship direction.

Please stop asking these silly, what if's, when they are so unlikely.

If you have a question about your relationship, then give us the facts and ask.

I'm sorry about that everyone! A lot of the questions I ask actually pertain to my relationship. I'm not sure if I posted the background of my relationship anywhere. I felt as if I had and I didn't want to re-post because then I would have been repeating an old thread. A lot of my old threads got merged, so I'm not exactly sure where the history of my relationship is located. I wanted to put the history of my relationship in this thread just now, but I can't edit the opening question any more.

Anyway, I also wanted to say that although you don't believe that my question has anything to do with reality, and it's a "what if" question... it's actually a true situation. A large quantity of my questions actually have to do with my relationship. I keep feeling down about my relationship and wondering if there's anything that I could have done differently. I kept thinking that there was something wrong with the relationship but at the same time felt paranoid that I was over analyzing what he said. But, when he told me the title of this thread "If you find someone better, I won't fight for you," it really stuck in my craw and even to this day I remember it. Therefore, I just wanted to ask for some opinions. Thank you everyone!

talaniman · Apr 3, 2009, 06:05 AM

They only way to learn is to ask, but that doesn't mean you will hear what you want, as people here are looking in to your problem, and not going through them at this time, some are, but not all.

I was wondering about combing your threads, but held off because of not being sure they were about you and your situation.

You have so many questions, but I THINK this is your story,

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results

As you see its quite extensive, and hard to combine at this time, but will try if it helps. Let me know.

kctiger · Apr 3, 2009, 06:05 AM

Teas: You have got to pick yourself up off the ground and get on. I know you are having these questions pop into your head, but guess what, hindsight is always 20/20 and things are the way they are. You are a good person, and only you refuse to see that!

My outlook is simple in life (and granted, it has taken me awhile to get to this point): If someone doesn't want YOU anymore, then BYE! I refuse to dumb myself down or lower myself to the point of degradation because someone doesn't like who I am. Does that mean I am perfect? NO! What that means is that I am proud of who I am and NO ONE will take that away from me. If I make a mistake, I will own up to it, but life is too short to sit here and wonder why the past is what it is and forget that the future is out there waiting for you.

talaniman · Apr 3, 2009, 07:03 AM

Give this guy a greenie, because what he said is so very true. ^

teastalk · Apr 11, 2009, 09:14 PM

Actually, I'm pretty naïve. I thought that this statement was interesting when I first heard it. I wasn't sure what to make of it. It sounds like all of the veteran daters knew what it mean (red flag), but I did not. I actually probably thought of it as a self-less statement which meant what he said: he would let me go so that I could be happy even if it meant that he wouldn't be. I do believe, though, that love is selfish and in theory people say such a statement, but the statement isn't a true reflection of how people really feel or act when they are in love.

So I was just asking others' opinions so I could get a clearer perspective on the situation: How would you react if someone you were dating/in a relationship for about a month told you this.

makapuu · Apr 14, 2009, 03:04 PM

I had such a serious conversation. In my early discussion, I told my boyfriend that I would be happy for him if he found someone else that made him happier. He told me that he would fight for me. For a moment, I was paranoid thinking that he'd be a stalker or something. But now I realize that we are really happy together, and all I can think about is how lucky I am to have him as my boyfriend.

teastalk · May 20, 2009, 12:04 AM

Warning: mostly a vent.

Dear Ex,

I know that nothing I say or do can ever get you back. I just miss all the great conversations, cuddling, and caring we had for each other.

The saddest thing of all is that I still miss you. Even when you were slowly becoming more and more distant, I still loved you.

I can only blame myself for not seeing that maybe we weren't meant to be. When you said that you weren't good for me, that you would make me do things that I wouldn't want to do, to not go to the birthday parties together, you wouldn't have any increased time than we were already meeting to see me when school was out, that if I found someone better then you wouldn't fight for me... all before the first month was over.

I'm sorry I didn't realize something was wrong. I asked you if there was, and you said no, that everything was fine. I believed you. I should have realized that there was something wrong anyway. I told you that I heard a strange noise coming from the car that night. You told me you didn't hear anything. I'm still not sure whether to believe that you couldn't hear that the flat tire was making a loud noise.

Then when you would never tell me anything. I asked you where your sisters were, and you said you didn't know. I asked you when you were going to graduate, and you said that you didn't know. I asked you what classes you were going to take next semester and you said you didn't know... this was after a few months of dating.

I can only hope that I can find someone who loves me as much as I loved you.

kctiger · May 20, 2009, 05:44 AM

You will eventually be in another relationship, and another, and probably another. Falling in love is a big step in your life, as it isn't easy to let yourself become attached and vulnerable to someone else's behavior and emotions. Getting your heart broken is equally as important, as it shows us that sometimes things just end, and there is NOTHING we can do about it.

Hope your vent helped! Just enjoy things. The more you enjoy, the happier you will be.

teastalk · May 24, 2009, 02:35 PM

Hi everyone,

I am having a problem. My best friend/cousin/roommate keeps telling me that the longer I wait to contact my ex and try to regain a friendship, the longer he will be out there for other girls to start flirting with. This is completely opposite to what the mantra is on here "no contact, no contact, no contact." I've been resisting, but also at the same time I can't help but wonder if I should call him to regain the friendship. Help!

Thanks,
T

none12345 · May 24, 2009, 02:43 PM

You have misunderstood the concept of no contact. It is not used to get back an ex. It is used to move on with your life and forget about them. I understand you still want him in your life, but he's not with you anymore and he has the right to date other people and you can't stop him. You have that right too. If he truly loved you he will come back for you and by that time you will have to make the decision to take him back or not.

talaniman · May 24, 2009, 04:45 PM

Forcing a friendship shouldn't be necessary should it?? What's your hurry? Sorry your friends are very wrong. Tell them I said so.

teastalk · May 26, 2009, 07:03 PM

My cousin started up again this afternoon. I was minding my own business on the computer. She comes into my room and then starts talking to me about my ex. She said that there's probably some girl in his class that started flirting with him while we were in a relationship. She said, "all those girls have to do is turn the flirt on. I bet all a girl in his class had to do was ask him if he had a girlfriend and then he started turning off on you."

Then, when I called this other guy to talk to him, she started listening in on the conversation. She could hear some other girl in the background on the telephone. After I got off the phone she said, "See, other girls know how to talk. They are non-stop chatterers. You can't compete with them. They have a better face than you and they talk a lot."

none12345 · May 26, 2009, 07:20 PM

Originally Posted by teastalk

My cousin started up again this afternoon. I was minding my own business on the computer. She comes into my room and then starts talking to me about my ex. She said that there's probably some girl in his class that started flirting with him while we were in a relationship. She said, "all those girls have to do is turn the flirt on. I bet all a girl in his class had to do was ask him if he had a girlfriend and then he started turning off on you."

Then, when I called this other guy to talk to him, she started listening in on the conversation. She could hear some other girl in the background on the telephone. After I got off of the phone she said, "See, other girls know how to talk. They are non-stop chatterers. You can't compete with them. They have a better face than you and they talk a lot."

Speaking for most guys, us guys believe that a beautiful inside no matter if you talk a lot or not, is what that is attractive. If a guy doesn't take the time to get to know you, he isn't worth it.

Romefalls19 · May 27, 2009, 05:43 AM

Your cousin is wrong, I'm engaged and have been hit on numerous times. When I was just bf/gf, I got hit on when I was out with my friends, all I had to say was "I am with someone". Sure they said things like "she won't know" and I simply reply with "But I would" and walk away. Not all guys get turned on because a girl "turns the flirt on"

Guys do the same thing to girls, there are tons of guys that simply go after girls, if they are in a relationship, they try harder. Point for this, my fiancé got hit on a work the other day, he knows she's engaged and even came up and introduced himself to me when I came in to see her. He said an inappropriate comment to her about taking her out to dinner. She just showed him the ring I put on her finger. He then proceeded to ask again, and she told him "what part of i'm engaged do you have a problem understanding" and walked away.

Point, both sexes have people trying to give in to temptation. Fact, not everyone wants your boyfriend/girlfriend, and even if they did. If you have a good guy/girl, they can't be stolen.

teastalk · Jun 5, 2009, 06:38 PM

I'm feeling very very alone right now.

My cousin and I carpool home every day. She tells me that I don't know how to talk and I probably wasn't spunky enough for my exboyfriend. She says that her boyfriend loves the way she talks like a rollercoaster "up and down, up and down... high pitch and low pitch, high pitch and low pitch." She says that I need to take personality classes at the local community college.

I feel like I'll be single for the rest of my life. It's not a bad thing to be single for the rest of your life.

anewday · Jun 7, 2009, 10:03 AM

Originally Posted by teastalk

She tells me that I don't know how to talk and I probably wasn't spunky enough for my exboyfriend. She says that her boyfriend loves the way she talks like a rollercoaster "up and down, up and down... high pitch and low pitch, high pitch and low pitch."

Personally speaking, that would drive me mad. It would give me a splitting headache and I'd worry about why they need to alter themselves so much "like a rollercoaster" in their attempts to appeal to me.
Being spunky may mean that certain types of people may not be attracted to you, but do you really want those people to be attracted to you anyway?

Originally Posted by teastalk

She says that I need to take personality classes at the local community college.

I don't really think that you can be taught personality. Self-esteem & confidence; yes. Personality comes from within and from your experiences, not from what someone tells you to be.

Originally Posted by teastalk

I feel like I'll be single for the rest of my life.

I strongly disagree.

talaniman · Jun 7, 2009, 10:44 AM

Are you giving off vibes your still sad about a break up? Maybe that's why your cousin is so persistent.

I doubt she would say such things if you were glad its over, and looking forward to other things besides having a guy to define you.

Originally Posted by teastalk

I feel like I'll be single for the rest of my life.

Lousy attitude!!

teastalk · May 30, 2010, 07:25 PM

Okay, so this is about my ex. Since this post is about my ex, it might give everyone perspective on my question.

I like to make new posts because then the title would be a more accurate reflection of my question. Also, I don't know if people will read the first post and think I'm still asking about that. However, it may be better to use old threads to keep similar topics/boyfriend situations together.

Anyway, my ex recently messaged me to tell me that he's completed his degree. I messaged him back to just say "congrats" and that was it. Then, he messaged me to say some more about his life. I messaged back to say "great, that's awesome." Then he mentioned that if I want to meet up before he leaves town, we could. What should I do?

talaniman · May 30, 2010, 09:57 PM

Tell him no of course. What are you expecting to accomplish? Why even open up that can of worms again?