[valinors_sorrow]

You have just demonstrated how esteem works--that in order to feel good self esteem one must do esteemable acts. It is real, the good thing you feel and I just wanted to say.. . Well done!

[Skell]

Well done sword. Good for you. Great post! I'm glad you are happy. And yes you will feel many many emotions in the next period of your life but you have showed a great strength here that will help you overcome anything I'm sure!

[Wildcat21]

Good for you Dude - keep it up.

It's time to work on yOU!!

[YeloDasy]

I am a little late in reading these posts, but I do want to say that you should listen when she says that you deserve better... yeah its an excuse, but she is right! And good for you to pray for faith! It always works for me... :)
And about worrying about her... she is a big girl who needs to make some mistakes to see her way through life... so let her do that... and about being friends... it is really really difficult to have a friendship soon after a break up, especially one that is so emotional. I would say the easy road is not to be friends... it is a lot of work to be friends with someone you were that close to... but maybe later down the road you can be good friends... now isn't the time... and it can prevent you from working on you! Hope this helps... you should like you are making a lot of progress. Yeah it will take some time to go through the grieving process, some anger, sadness, denial, and many more stages... so go through them, nurture yourself... feel sad, hurt, anger... and work through them, so your new relationships will be healthy!! :) Good luck!

[Sword32]

Man some days are hard to deal with... I know what I want where I'm going I know it's the right thing and I know its just pride etc... but you know its all very well telling yourself that stuff but you don't really take any notice till sum1 else says summit..

As you know we have been together 6 years, and now she is with another bloke at work but we are still living together (I have found sumwhere else to go end of the month) we are living with her family (her dad ) at the moment who I get on really well with he recently got out of hospital with a quad heart bypas, genuine bloke one of the few good uns in the world. He dotes on her and is forever making plans for her and I, its really nice.

We haven't told him because I have asked her not to, I don't want things to be too dificult for living the next 2 weeks or so but sometimes it is dificult, especially at times like tonight when she phones me to tell me she is going out for dinner with her new bloke and I have to then make excuses to her dad as to where she is, lying and telling him she is working late while myself I don't even know if she will be home...

I know she is using me want me to buy her stuff still which I have stopped doing which has really upset her.. She comes home gets undressed (naked) in front of me then tries to get into bed with me, which I have enough self respect to say whoa NO.. But damn its hard, I just need you guys to remind me of what I already know..

I know damn well she doesn't love me, you just would never do that to anyone you loved EVER..

Please forgive my moment of weakness I can keep my mind focused and myself driven 99% of the times sometimes though I need a kick just to remind myself.. I am 99% certain she would come back to me if I asked her too, I just need to be stopped ^^ MAN I need to move and get her completely out my life..

[valinors_sorrow]

Wow-- how very difficult that situation is Sword! Do you not have any friends who would offer a couch for two weeks? I would love to see you get the flock out of there NOW! You are being abused, guy.

[Sword32]

lol, your post actually made me laugh thanks..

I know but I have always got on well with her family they are like a 2nd family to me and I know it would break their hearts if I told them the truth, also with her dads weakend state after the bypass I don't want to put any more stress on him although I know the ex doesn't really care if he lives or dies (deep down despite what she says I think she does she must, no one can be that calous towards their family)

Ive been kind of breaking things to him gently about things not being right and stuff, making out that its me that's changing and its me that's moving on purely because she needs her family and what she is doing now is only going to end up leaving her alone with no where to go.. He would be devastated if he found out she is doing exactly what her mum did a few years ago..

I don't think she is evil calous or nasty I just think she is confused hurt vulnerable and in need of a lot of help I know deep down there is a good part to her, hell 6 years there had to be summit other than a cute ***..

I would love to be out of here tomorrow if I could but I can't do that to her family, hell I think I will miss them more than her... god damn this is her home town with her family who have been my family for 6 years... Im losing a lot more than just my partner...

Always complicated would be so easy to take her back and do the easy thing at times but honestly I now realise she needs to be single for a while to find out who she is, she will never allow that to happen she can't survive without sum1 in her life..

Being her friend I can see will only bring me pain I know this I will never get a true friend in return, just someone who will use me for what she can get with a veiled promise of a friendship in return..

just hard at times to tell your heart to be quiet and listen to every other sense warning and emotion in your body saying RUN forest RUN...

I also know that if I take her back, I am only going to end up hurting her, and myself because the woman I want to be with whoever it may be is still out there. And my ex will never respect me and continue to take advantage..

I just need a good slap sometimes.. All my friends are forever telling me I need to stop seeing the potential for good in people and see them for what they really are evil manipulating daughters of hell.. (well 2 out of the last 3 anyhow ^^ ) Bah who am I kidding I will never give up on humanity I'm an old romantic and believe in people.. though I do need to stop making excuses for them .

[talaniman]

You don't need a slap just time away from... her. It will get better when you can get away. Stay strong till then.

[YeloDasy]

You are in a really tough situation, but it sounds like you know what you think is best..,. make a plan, stick to it, and don't look back until you accomplish your goal.. . then you can start the grieving process... but make a plan and begin to work on it... that will help!