[smoothy]

Smoothy,
Yes we do not where you stand on this issue. Not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic and not everyone who gambles is addicted to gambling, but people can show obsessive behaviors around almost anything, including computers or porn. No one is saying that everyone who looks at porn has porn addiction. But one characteristic of addiction is that the behavior interfers with normal relationships. I think that in this case, it's not an unreasonable thing to consider. This guy's preference for masturbation (using porn) is not healthy or normal, as you stated.

Perfering to masturbate with or without porn rather than have sex with a woman is a separate issue ( and I won't argue its NOT an issue)... but its not related to porn.

Too many people here have this fixation with porn and I find it irritating.

If there is a single copy of Playboy involved to them its porn addiction...

[smoothy]

You know what...I know where you stand Smoothy. Guy's that can manage both sex drives are hard to find but Porn Addiction | Masturbation Addiction | Sexual Addiction Help. There is what is called sexual addictions...just like gaming, gambling, alcohol, drugs...etc. It is the most misunderstood addiction but can become an addiction. The only thing differentiating it from other addictions is that it is a SYMPTOM of a CAUSE...non the less still an addiction. The cause as you mentioned can be numerous things but I would have to disagree when you say that the woman should take some ownership over it...it has nothing to do with the other partner (sexually) maybe emotionally (communication) or issues (family/work/physical insecurity) with intimicy (neglect, sexual neglect, promiscuous etc) in general.

Sure porn was around for a long time so was being gay in the Roman Army so what? Try to find every reason to justify the fact but women all around the globe have this issue, why? Most people who get addicted already have addictive personalities...need to put it all in retrospect. Not everyone is like you, unfortunately.

I'm not saying the woman should ALWAYS take ownership of the situation. I'll be the first guy to admit its not always her fault, but some times it is. I've dated some real PITA women before I married... and trust me... they fit the bill for the ones who should have taken ownership. And I've known some others who were married to friends who were close enough friends that they confided in me enough to know these things.

There actually are women who beg for sex then belittle the man during it in one manner or other. Now there might be some guys that get off on that sort of thing most don't.

There there are those who quite frankly don't give a damn what they look like and are total slobs... I'm not referring to women who weren't fortunate enough to be born with the right genes. Women who try and make the most of what god gave them and have a positive attitude can be far more appealing to a man than a woman who is better looking but throws it away or is incessantly negative.. Yeah that applies to guys as well.

[Choux]

After four years of sexual relating, most people get a little bored with their partner, both men and women.

Don't use this issue as a make or break it of your relationship. Time to talk honestly and see what common ground you have and what you can do to rejuvenate the whole relationship including your sex life.

[xoxaprilwine]

Perfering to masturbate with or without porn rather than have sex with a woman is a seperate issue ( and I won't argue its NOT an issue).....but its not related to porn.
Too many people here have this fixation with porn and I find it irritating.
If there is a single copy of Playboy involved to them its porn addiction.....

I think you missed Asking's point of...

Not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic and not everyone who gambles is addicted to gambling, but people can show obsessive behaviors around almost anything, including computers or porn.

And...

No one is saying that everyone who looks at porn has porn addiction. But one characteristic of addiction is that the behavior interfers with normal relationships.

Which supports what you said and no one disagrees with your point on finding one little thing and blowing it out of proportion... I think if this was the case then the female has to take ownership over "her" insecure feelings. If it is ABUSED or EXCESSIVE then this is a different situation... especially if neglect is present.

I'm not saying the woman should ALWAYS take ownership of the situation. I'll be the first guy to admit its not always her fault, but some times it is. I've dated some real PITA women before I married...and trust me...they fit the bill for the ones who should have taken ownership. And I've known some others who were married to friends who were close enough friends that they confided in me enough to know these things.
There actually are women who beg for sex then belittle the man during it in one manner or other. Now there might be some guys that get off on that sort of thing most don't.
There there are those who quite frankly don't give a damn what they look like and are total slobs... I'm not reffering to women who weren't fortunate enough to be born with the right genes. Women who try and make the most of what god gave them and have a positive attitude can be far more appealing to a man than a woman who is better looking but throws it away or is incessantly negative.. Yeah that applies to guys as well.

It is never the woman's fault for porn addiction BUT AGAIN... this is not a CAUSE but a SYMPTOM OF A CAUSE... which also supports your idea of some ownership should be taken. Not on the basis of his use of xxx rated material (he does that on his own) but intimacy issues... meaning emotional issues... meaning communication issues... meaning relationship issues... incompatibility. It also isn't her fault if "he" is bored... if that is the case there is always a better lover out there. Regardless if the woman is beautiful or not when a guy starts dabbling into this... she is the last thing on his mind right? He is doing his own thing... it has nothing to do with the female's physical appearance.

As it goes for women begging for sex... not always the case... most try to initiate and if no success then they start to hold resentments. Once that starts it builds... belittling happens when the woman emotions are not in check and she isn't educated about it nor prepared to deal with what's happening - lashes out in other ways... or performs neglect and verbal attacks to the male. If you consider that belittling then so be it... but I get upset too... especially if the guy isn't taking his time to please her... some spark is gone here but I think most stay reserved. If that isn't the case then it is a good point to bring up to the OP.

But I do agree with this "Women who try and make the most of what god gave them and have a positive attitude can be far more appealing to a man than a woman who is better looking but throws it away or is incessantly negative". Even in friendships with the same sex this is also appealing as it is a positive trait to carry.

As it goes for porn, most guys DO get off on it and most women DO too... not to say that either/or get off on it ALL THE TIME. Some do make the association with that and masturbation and it is majority... visual helps right? NOT all men or women ARE addicted... what we are implying is that for someone to become addicted to ANYTHING... a person has to have an addictive behavior.

After four years of sexual relating, most people get a little bored with their partner, both men and women.

Don't use this issue as a make or break it of your relationship. Time to talk honestly and see what common ground you have and what you can do to rejuvenate the whole relationship including your sex life.

I am sorry but for me... I don't agree at all. If you are in love then you should be falling more in love most have absolutely wonderful sex lives as well... ask some successful couples after 20 years. If there is bordom involved in a 4 year relationship when the woman is 19... I think there is an issue... considering her youth I don't recommend that she stay for that... one door closes and another opens.

[HKitty]

I am one of the many women who suffer from this problem... My husband is the same way. He will rather masturbate to porn than to have sex with me. I have been married to him for almost 2 years and honestly I do not know if I will make it to the 3rd year. I hate the fact that he wants to go solo all the time. For the past 4 months he has not even touch me.

[smoothy]

I am one of the many women who suffer from this problem.....My husband is the same way. He will rather masturbate to porn than to have sex with me. I have been married to him for almost 2 years and honestly I do not know if I will make it to the 3rd year. I hate the fact that he wants to go solo all the time. For the past 4 months he has not even touch me.

Have you even talked to him about what he percieves you are doing wrong. I'm not saying you are doing anything wrong... but what he percieves as wrong. It is poosible either person can be at fault here.

I say this because I have actually dated a divorced woman the was so horrificly bad in bed I once got up at 3 am to sneek out of her house and spent months dodging her rather than tell her she was as lively and as much fun as a dead corpse in bed... except she smelled better. And she did not have a clue what she was doing wrong.

True that's a worst case scenareo. But its one I have personally experienced. Perfectly fine and pleasant woman OUTSIDE of bed. Not unattractive either... but after that there was no doubting why she was divorced.

[Labello]

In my experience and I'm much older than you, I would really think about moving on. You are young and this type of thing only gets worse. Say you waste your 20's on him and then what? If he doesn't want sex with you now he won't want it later. Internet crap is a means to the end, he's substituting "real" sex with internet fantasy. You need to think about your own self esteem, you are so young. Please don't waste your time..

[HKitty]

Have you even talked to him about what he percieves you are doing wrong. I'm not saying you are doing anything wrong....but what he percieves as wrong. It is poosible either person can be at fault here.

I say this because I have actually dated a divorced woman the was so horrificly bad in bed I once got up at 3 am to sneek out of her house and spent months dodging her rather than tell her she was as lively and as much fun as a dead corpse in bed.....except she smelled better. And she did not have a clue what she was doing wrong.

True thats a worst case scenareo. But its one I have personally experienced. Perfectly fine and pleasant woman OUTSIDE of bed. Not unattractive either.....but after that there was no doubting why she was divorced.

I know for a fact, it is not me with the problem. I have had several long relationships never been married/ not kids/ no complains they all keep coming back for more... Honestly, I have never ran into this problem. None of my X needed porn, I am very out there and aim to please...
When I meet him He had spend many years alone... with his porn and the hand. In 2 years he has never been able to release iside of me... He needs to pull out and I have to do the hand thing... Now tell me something is this a problem or not?

[smoothy]

I know for a fact, it is not me with the problem. I have had several long relationships never been married/ not kids/ no complains they all keep coming back for more.......... Honestly, I have never ran into this problem. None of my X needed porn, I am very out there and aim to please.................
When I meet him He had spend many years alone..........with his porn and the hand. In 2 years he has never been able to release iside of me.........He needs to pull out and I have to do the hand thing...........Now tell me something is this a problem or not?

If he can't release inside... but has to finish by hand, he most definitely has some sort of a mental block... because to be blunt... a hand does NOT feel better than a coochie.

Its not at all porn related but some issues he might have that predate knowing you. A councelor might help find what it is and work towards a resolution, I like porn, but I can not see how a guy can preffer his hand to a woman's cooter, not in a normal situation anyway. Not when a willing woman is available.

[slbrown]

I know this is a bit late, but I was searching for something like this to find my own answer. I have been going through this for about a year now and it is the most painful thing in the world! I moved in with my fiancé almost a year ago, little did I know that I was his "social relationship", not his soon to be wife. Come to find out he was masterbating to women in tight skirts and various porn sites, and downloads. A year later we are still together (not sure why) and he is not masterbating as far as I know. He claims that masterbating was just something he did and was use to, that a relationship is not just for sex, but for the social aspect of life. When he needs sex, he can simply go to the computer. I still do not fully get it, when I am around, LIVING with him, easily accessible, why not me? Almost a year later, I cannot go to bed unless I know he is in the bed, I cannot leave the computer room without watching what he is doing,etc. I have become a nutcase worried that he is jerking off. It is not normal for a man to want to release himself when your accessible!! I do not get these men! He is 27 years old, I am 24, what is wrong here??

[CravenMorhead]

You should really start a thread with your own question.

[Dragon4518]

Especially in the slightly overweight males- its not about refusing to sleep with others, sometimes its about not wanting to just pass out after the sex, You try having sex with a sandbag on and see how well it goes constantly. Though on the other hand, I also live with my fiancé and I'm in a similar position to the guy. I enjoy my masturbation just like I enjoy my sex with her, and she's fine with it. Its an entirely different feeling, and even between the masturbation we still have sex about once a week, maybe a little more when the mood strikes us.

Its NOT an insult to you that the guy enjoys touching himself, >.> Relax, take a breath, and once in a while when you want sex, you might have to initiate it. Trust me, I doubt he'll turn you down.

[JudyKayTee]

With respect - this was asked in June 2010, almost 2 years ago.

She HAS tried to initiate sex. It didn't work.