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Wildcat21 · Jul 17, 2006, 02:54 PM

Is it me - or is EVERYONE who is hurt/lost/crushed who comes here destroyed by the liars, cheats, leads-on, users etc.?

I see a HUGE patern here... that's why the last FEW months I have REALLY been advocating taking it tremendously SLOW!!

Things like - only see them once a week in the beginning or less - hold off on the sex - don't call ever day... we all REALLY need to learn to get to know people...

I wouldn't have even said this last year - but friends first to build a relationship really is sinking in. I've been doing it more with the current gal - there are things I didn't know about her in the beginning... that I know now.

Blazingsun · Jul 17, 2006, 04:24 PM

This sounds all painfully familiar.

All I can say, is don't bother him. Don't contact him. Move on with your life without him. If he wants you, he will realise it in the time you are apart without contact.

If not, well. Like I said, move on. It's hard as hell I KNOW... but try.

talaniman · Jul 18, 2006, 09:08 PM

Why do you female insist on falling for these loser? Why do you take the abuse from them? Wouldn't you rather have a real man? Then take your time and find one and let these losers abuse somebody else.

talaniman · Jul 18, 2006, 09:11 PM

Don't you know a woman who loves a loser is a... LOSER
NOW what would you like to be?

dkh4863 · Jul 19, 2006, 01:59 AM

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
One min I am so angery yet the next I'm sad.. et I smile when I think about things we use to do?
Is this a normal;prosess? If it is its rough . I feel like a rollercoaster of emotions.

Krs · Jul 19, 2006, 02:54 AM

Nothing is wrong with you.

Anyone dealing with emotional issues, such a loss, grief, etc pass through the same emotional rollercoster as you said.

Just keep strong

dkh4863 · Jul 19, 2006, 06:02 AM

I am so ashamed of myself! I couldn't sleep all night last night and I text messaged him telling him how am I going to ever get over him. How dumb am I.. I know better..
He keeps telling me I did nothing worng but if I did nothing wrong why doesn't he want me. I gave my all my everything in us. WHY WHY WHY??
I just don't understand how he could be when were together yet he says he is scared?? I'm think or what? I guess you have to see and hear what I have to be so stuck. Heck the last time we talked he said I guess we both need each other?
My ex wants me back... He loves me maybe I should just hag up the towle and go back to the same crap I left. Just because I know he loves me.
I know Im soundng like a demented woman...
Really JUST CONFUSED.!
You see I me my husband at age 15 and we were together till last dec. I took a lot of abuse through the years and stayed for my kids.. They were happy when I left. Then when I met Dale it was like WOW!! There really is a nice man in the world who isn't controlling and lets me dicide where we go and eat. Doesn't tell me what I can and can't wear... Do you understand? Or am I making this more confusing.
I guess what I'm saying he treated me like I hadn't ever been.. I think that's why I fell so for him??
SO SO MANT EMOTIONS!!
HUGS

Krs · Jul 19, 2006, 06:11 AM

Why don't u try concrate on you alone. ONLY YOU.

You met your husband at the age of 15 and where together till last dec, and it seemed like you jumped from 1 relationship to another, are you scared of being single for a while? Coz you are just so used to being with someone?

Your husband abused you, so you must have suffered in all these years to stick with him due to your kids, which by the way is such an honouring strong thing to do.

Now that you can, enjoy life, live for YOU and no one else.
BE FREE.

I think you deserve that :)

Krs · Jul 19, 2006, 06:45 AM

[QUOTE=dkh4863]
You see I me my husband at age 15 and we were together till last dec. I took a lot of abuse throught the years and stayed for my kids.. They were happy when I left.

Think, just think how strong you are for putting up with an abusive husband for so many years.

Then you are definitley strong enough to be single for a while.
Im sure you have lots of friends and family to support you.
Have fun ;)

Cassie · Jul 19, 2006, 06:55 AM

It seems as though you have not had time in your life to get to know you or what you want. You have identified with your X and your kids and now this guy. You feel you cannot live without someone, because you have always been with someone even if it was an abusive someone. Your life has been to please others just to survive and probably felt you were worthless and should be happy for any amount of kindness because you deserved none.

You deserve so much, because you have given so much. You have given your life. Start doing things for yourself. Take a walk when you are feeling sad, do some exercise, that helps you mentally and physically. Read some books that will help you build yourself esteem. You are looking for someone to make you feel good, no one can do that. You have to feel good about yourself and learn to love yourself and then you will be amazed at how others will see you in a different light. I feel so bad for you, I know you are hurting, but we can all support you, but you have to great strong and take back your power. You can not allow others to control you. When you do that, they will abuse and use you. If you do not respect yourself and set boundries, no one else will. Take control of your life, do not give it away.

Listening to you, I know you have a heart of gold, and much love to give. Take that love and give it to yourself, do for yourself what you would do for someone else. Pamper yourself, it is not selfishness. Do know, My heart goes do you and I wish you strength to get through this.

talaniman · Jul 19, 2006, 07:46 AM

Originally Posted by Cassie

It seems as tho you have not had time in your life to get to know you or what you want. You have identified with your X and your kids and now this guy. You feel you cannot live without someone, because you have always been with someone even if it was an abusive someone. Your life has been to please others just to survive and probably felt you were worthless and should be happy for any amount of kindness because you deserved none.

You deserve so much, because you have given so much. You have given your life. Start doing things for yourself. Take a walk when you are feeling sad, do some exercise, that helps you mentally and physically. Read some books that will help you build your self esteem. You are looking for someone to make you feel good, no one can do that. You have to feel good about yourself and learn to love yourself and then you will be amazed at how others will see you in a different light. I feel so bad for you, I know you are hurting, but we can all support you, but you have to great strong and take back your power. You can not allow others to control you. When you do that, they will abuse and use you. If you do not respect yourself and set boundries, no one else will. Take control of your life, do not give it away.

Listening to you, I know you have a heart of gold, and much love to give. Take that love and give it to yourself, do for yourself what you would do for someone else. Pamper yourself, it is not selfishness. Do know, My heart goes do you and I wish you strength to get thru this.

Cassie you are absolutely right and I stand behind you and say to this young lady LOVE yourself just because you deserve it!

Wildcat21 · Jul 19, 2006, 07:57 AM

Yes - Cassie - that was great - I'd spread the love... but can't.

dkh4863 · Jul 19, 2006, 09:06 AM

;) thanks so much all my new friends.
God bless you all!!
Oxoxoxoxox deb

dancingtwins · Jul 19, 2006, 01:34 PM

I too feel in love with a loser and it was very hard for me to let go but thanks to the advice of everyone on this site I have been able to move and I feel like the wait of the world has been lift. You can't make someone love you or be with you... You deserve better than that... He is proably lying about not sleeping with someone else.
Food for thought when something doesn't feel right it usually isn't...

Move on and find someone that deserves you.

Jay_Jay · Jul 19, 2006, 02:11 PM

Originally Posted by dkh4863

;) thanks so much all my new friends.
god bless ya all!!!
oxoxoxoxox deb

:) God Bless you too ! :)

I hope that you can keep strong and enjoy your life.

dkh4863 · Jul 20, 2006, 04:04 AM

He called me last night... I ignored all 3 calls.. I knew f I answerd them I would melt rithgt back into his arms for the night and then not hear from him for a week again. He left 2 messages wanting to know why I wouldn't talk to him and please call. He said we belong together etc. same ole thing. Iam proud ofmyself because it was so so hard. I wanted to pick up that phone so so bad.
I wanted to talk to him so much I started crying and telling myself NO NO NO!! :D
I think all my stregnth came from alal of you here. THANKS!
HAVE A GREAT DAY
HUGS Deb+

Krs · Jul 20, 2006, 04:59 AM

There you go you see :)
You proved my point. The point I stated earlier about how strong you are.

You passed the first challenge and doesn't it feel good?

Skell · Jul 20, 2006, 03:53 PM

WOW. What an awesome effort. 90% of people would have buckled and answered.

That took amazing stength. Now you have done that you should feel as you can do anything.

Please stay strong. You have passed the hardest test. Don't let yourself down now!!

momincali · Jul 20, 2006, 11:07 PM

Keep listening to your common sense when it comes to this guy and not your heart, and you will succeed in putting him in your past, where he belongs.

Be ready, he will only try harder to lure you back, don't fall for it. He's Mr. Wrong and you don't have anymore time for that, otherwise, you are only stealing time away from meeting Mr. Right.

dkh4863 · Jul 21, 2006, 05:00 AM

I got up ths morning and had a message on my cell phone from him. "Hunny...I was wrong, PLease please know I love you and I now realize it.." Please call me asap. I need you I want you I got to have you.Your my sexy little angel love. That's what he use to call me. His angel love. Oh wow! I am so so tempted to call him and run to him. Imiss his smile his touch his kind words,but how many of them were true?
Right after I listend to it I came here and read all your posts and it gave me the strength not to call him. Its like my own big coaching team here.
I WILL NOT CALL HIM!! OH HOW I WANT TO BUT IM NOT GIVING IN.
Im sitting here crying but I keep telling myself I have cryed too many tears for a man who doesn't love me.
THANKS SO SO MUCH TO YOU ALL!! I KNOW I HAVE FOUND A WINNING TEAM OF SUPPORT HERE!
HUGS DEB