[lazzyboyy313]

So like I said we're going ice skating and such on Wed and I've also decided I'm going to talk to her to let her know how I feel about the situation and maybe that it's best if we just don't talk at all anymore until some time has passed and then I can maybe be friends with her. It's almost like my last ditch effort to show her I'm that close to being out of her life and again I'm hoping she gets the picture and reconsiders how she treats me and possibly her decision. I've given her exactly what she's asked for and I'm just now seeing how much of a dog I've become to her. It's hard to accept that I've given her all the power when it should be the other way around. She broke up with me and I should be the one not wanting to come back AT ALL. I'll always believe in happy endings whether mine comes sooner rather than later I'll just have to wait and see. I'll update this again after Wed with everything that happened. Thanks everyone for your advice, really helps me out.

[lazzyboyy313]

Well to update for anyone that may still be reading this, we went ice skating and everything today and I must say that it went pretty well. I hadn't talked to her at all for a couple of days and let her know before hand that I was going to start giving her space and not going to talk to her as often... however I think I've had a change of heart in that category. Tonight showed me that I really do like being in her company whether it be as a "friend" or a partner. She just has something about her that I can't let go of so easily. I know I'm probably pathetic and now deserve any hurt I get from this but I'm not willing to just cut her out of my life completely. I understand that I was dependent on her and maybe to a point I still am, I still want some attention from her I think that feeling is reciprocated on her part. I know that she has better things to do in her mind and quite frankly so do I. What hurt does it cause to see her every once in a while, especially now around the holidays? As long as I get it in my head that she's not my girlfriend anymore and I'm not her boyfriend I think I can handle it. Maybe after some time she'll come around or maybe we'll end up not talking anyway, who knows but I'm not going to cut her out of my life because she wants some her time. I'm sure this will receive some flack from everyone giving me advice or maybe no one will care enough to give me advice anymore. Whatever the case, I got this off my chest and I feel good to put what's in head on here. I'm going to work on my life first and if there's time for her in there than I'm going to go with it. We started as friends before we "went out" and Im going to get myself back to that point. To the point when she wanted me most and was the one coming to me, not me coming to her. I think when I get to that point she'll see the guy she fell in love with and really start to consider her decision to throw that away. She said it to me herself "If we're meant to be it will happen, if not then we can't change that". This is so true and I'm starting to believe this. I can't make her love me again, all I can do is get me back together and let what happens happen. Again I say thanks for the advice but I got to do what I believe in my heart. More of a gamble I know, but what's life without a little risk?

[Dare81]

well to update for anyone that may still be reading this, we went ice skating and everything today and I must say that it went pretty well. I hadn't talked to her at all for a couple of days and let her know before hand that I was going to start giving her space and not going to talk to her as often...however I think I've had a change of heart in that category. Tonight showed me that I really do like being in her company whether it be as a "friend" or a partner. She just has something about her that I can't let go of so easily. I know I'm probably pathetic and now deserve any hurt I get from this but I'm not willing to just cut her out of my life completely. I understand that I was dependent on her and maybe to a point I still am, I still want some attention from her I think that feeling is reciprocated on her part. I know that she has better things to do in her mind and quite frankly so do I. What hurt does it cause to see her every once in a while, especially now around the holidays? As long as I get it in my head that she's not my girlfriend anymore and I'm not her boyfriend I think I can handle it. Maybe after some time she'll come around or maybe we'll end up not talking anyway, who knows but I'm not going to cut her out of my life because she wants some her time. I'm sure this will receive some flack from everyone giving me advice or maybe no one will care enough to give me advice anymore. Whatever the case, I got this off my chest and I feel good to put what's in head on here. I'm going to work on my life first and if there's time for her in there than I'm going to go with it. We started as friends before we "went out" and Im going to get myself back to that point. To the point when she wanted me most and was the one coming to me, not me coming to her. I think when I get to that point she'll see the guy she fell in love with and really start to consider her decision to throw that away. She said it to me herself "If we're meant to be it will happen, if not then we can't change that". This is so true and I'm starting to believe this. I can't make her love me again, all I can do is get me back together and let what happens happen. Again I say thanks for the advice but I gotta do what I believe in my heart. More of a gamble I know, but what's life without a little risk?

You are just setting yourself up for more pain and hurt.
Goodluck

[talaniman]

To the point when she wanted me most and was the one coming to me, not me coming to her. I think when I get to that point she'll see the guy she fell in love with and really start to consider her decision to throw that away.

Good luck with that.

Again I say thanks for the advice but I got to do what I believe in my heart. More of a gamble I know, but what's life without a little risk?

Your right, just be realistic and prepared. Keep us updated, as we will comment whether we agree with you or not. I hope it works out the way you want it to.

[lazzyboyy313]

You are just setting yourself up for more pain and hurt.
Goodluck

I thin I'm only setting myself up fore more hurt if I have expectations. As long as I can suppress the expectation or want for her to get back with me I can survive. When I think about it, I didn't expect her to become my girlfriend. I had to feel out the situation and see if I really wanted to settle down with this girl. I'm going to try and go back to that perspective and just let her enjoy her life. I don't hold as prominent a position in it but at least I hold some position in it. Maybe this will also give me some closure on the relationship and maybe it won't. I can say I don't mind putting my relationship life on hold, for now. If things change then obviously I'll throw myself back into the sea and see what's out there for me. All I can say is I regret the actions I had during the relationship and know that I too need to work on some things. I'm not trying to make myself the skapegoat or anything like that but I did contribute to the breakup for sure. This place is such a release for me even if no one else reads this. I like being able to get all of this off my mind and out there to someone. For all these sad stories of girls leaving their guys or vice versa I say don't lose all hope. Not all breakups are the end, most of the time they are, but NOT ALL end. I'm not trying to promote false hope or anything like that, you got to follow your heart and make sure you have a clear mind when you make your decision.
It's only been 6 weeks, haha only 6 weeks, but I know I'm coming around and accepting we're not together anymore and I can't stop her from seeing other guys or meeting them. She's a friend for the time being and yes I hope that somewhere down the future she reconsiders but I have no control over her feelings. I still love the girl very much and she still loves me, just not to the same degree. Hopefully I'm doing the right thing here and I don't regret this decision in the future.

[kctiger]

I still love the girl very much and she still loves me, just not to the same degree. Hopefully I'm doing the right thing here and I don't regret this decision in the future.

This is my problem with your outlook. You are still in love with her, she is NOT IN LOVE with you. She loves you as a person and thus cares about your feelings, but does not see you as a romantic partner. I cannot see how you being in love with her and continuing to hang out with her can help you in the slightest... how do you EVER expect to move on if you continue to be around her? I cannot remember the entire story here, so I apologize if this has been covered, but do you honestly think you two will be friends if/when she gets another boyfriend? I highly doubt it. Can you handle seeing her with another guy, holding hands, kissing... We are here to guide you away from dishing out pain to yourself, and you keep saying you can handle it. I have NEVER seen someone handle this stuff well. I hope, for your sake, you realize quickly that you are making some extremely dangerous decisions that can have a huge impact on your heart and your emotions. Please protect yourself.

P.S. If she was still in love with you, you two would be together, period.

[lazzyboyy313]

P.S. If she was still in love with you, you two would be together, period.

I agree with that. I talked to her about it a little and she said she was still in love with me but because of my jealous actions even after we broke up and the way I've voiced my feelings to her she doesn't see me the same anymore. That's why I'm trying to get myself back to the person she fell in love with. I've given myself a time table of our Xmas break to see where things go or don't go. It's a whole 5 weeks and by the time it's over we will have been broken up for 3 months. If nothing happens then I'll let her go and I will move on.

A little back story. After her last ex didn't work out she ended up doing the same thing, wanting to party and just be with her friends. She said he tried to control her life and always wanted her to be with him and not go hang with her friends. I kind of started to act the same way and maybe that pushed her away from me. I would get upset if she didn't want to spend time with me or she maybe wanted to stay at school for an extra day. I know I sound like I'm making excuses here but would you guys agree I became a little too dependent on her to be with me?? Back to the larger story, she told me she rejected going out with this one guy she was talking to because she really didn't want a boyfriend at the time. It was only two months after her breakup that we started to communicate and eventually lead us to get serious.

Another little added tidbit is that we went to high school together for 4 years but we didn't speak but 10 words to each other through all 4 years. We knew who the other was and that was all. Our whole relationship started because she had a crush on me our senior year. At the time we started "talking" both of us were unhappy with who we were already "talking" to, if that makes sense to you guys. I think if it were any other guy but me she wouldn't have wasted her time with them and just stayed single. I mean, a crush can only take you so far, she still had to actually like the guy I was and want to be with me. I'm not planning to sit on my and wait for her to change her mind. If the right person comes into my life then hopefully I can explore a new relationship and in turn forget about this one. She hasn't forgot about me and I know it's because she too is struggling to let me go. I know the NC is to help me out and heal myself faster and maybe give her the idea that I have moved on from her. I'm a naïve person in that I take what people say to the heart. I've been learning to not take what she says so personally as sometimes she speaks her feelings at the wrong time and to a wrong hopeful person aka ME.

From what everyone here and around me has said I need to take the power she has over me back. I'm trying to make her come to me and not always me coming to her when she calls or throws me a bone. Am I at least right in taking this approach? I'll be updating this a lot I'm sure because I've been going through ups and downs like this the whole breakup. I've gone through a similar situation like this and yeah it hurt me to see the girl with another guy but I had no control over it. After that girl had broken up with the guy after a year and a half she came right back to me. Too bad for her I had already moved on and didn't see her the same way I had in the past. So to end this long input. Xmas break is my decider, her going back to college after could be both a godsend or be the ultimate disrupting factor, we will see in the upcoming weeks.

[P_Ewing33]

Hey man college is a very important time in a young woman's life (men too). Think about it... she has tons of friends on campus, male and female, there are parties all the time. She just wants to experience it all without the guilt of hurting you.

[artlady]

It is time to move on and that *friendship* thing is a fantasy that sounds good in theory but rarely works in practice.

Down the road ,when you have moved on emotionally.then yes a friendship may be possible but she has made it clear that she is not up for anything else right now so you need to stop hurting yourself and walk away... a clean break.

Sorry for your suffering ,breaking up is never easy to do ,just feel glad you had the time you did together and learn from the experience.

Best of luck!

[snowleopard]

If you really love her then I guess you should wait, but if she's not that dear to you, you can try finding someone else.If you can't find a person you like then just wait for her. I recommand trying to find someone else. If you find that person you can get more close or just wait for her.

[liz28]

Know that most breaks are permanent so you really need to let go and not live on false hope. Emotionally, it will only ruin you. If you two was meant to be then she will come back to you in the future. Being friends with her at this time isn't good because you still have feelings for her.

I know it isn't easy but let go and start the healing process.

[lazzyboyy313]

Question pertinent to the timing of this break up. I like to think of myself as a nice person and since this girl played a large role in my life this year I decided to get her a little something for Xmas. I was wondering how I should go about giving it to her as I've now fully gone to NC. I was thinking of wrapping it and then just leaving it on her porch with a nice hand written note. Good plan or bad?

[TrueFaith]

I should say bad. As you can not buy love
I know you are doing this.. for your so called..
Thanking her for being there for you.

But really I think if you look deep down you want this gift.. to make her come back to you.

I say don't bother.

Really. I do wish you all the best.
But I just don't think this is worth the risk

Stay on no contact.
And don't buy her anything

You can not buy love
You can not control others feelings

Regards

[Dare81]

The answer to all your questions is NO CONTACT.Find something else to do.Get your mind off her.She is not thinking about you, so quit wasting your time thinking about her

[lazzyboyy313]

stay on no contact.
and dont buy her anything



Regards

I already bought the shirt. I haven't contacted her at all but she still texts me day to day. I don't see anything wrong with talking to her if she initiates it, that to me shows that I'm still on her mind enough to care about me a little bit regardless if it may be as a friend in her eyes. I'd agree that deep down I want the gift to remind her of what we had but as I said I already bought it and it has a no return policy as it's a custom t-shirt.

[kctiger]

Seems to me lazzy that you are just trying to find ways to rebuttal everyone's advice because you think your situation is different and this cannot be happening to you. Do you honestly think a gift will make her remember what she had? Come on man... it is time to buck up and start the healing process. Nothing has changed, just your mindset, that's all. And right now, your mind is addicted to what ever little hope you get by her contacting you every other day. Once that drug runs its course, the real pain sets in. Emotional detox man!! Let it happen.

[talaniman]

I don't see anything wrong with talking to her if she initiates it, that to me shows that I'm still on her mind enough to care about me a little bit regardless if it may be as a friend in her eyes.

Amazing how false hope keeps you putting her, above your own need to heal.

Yes there is something wrong with talking to an ex, that dumped you, and keeps you in the friend zone, and you thinking you still have a chance to change her mind, buy her gifts?

What your doing is NOT No contact, but false hope, and until you get some real No Contact, you can never heal, and see reality, or accept the truth, she doesn't want romance with you!

[lazzyboyy313]

I know I'm setting myself up for more hurt but I don't know what else to do. This girls actions sometimes speak her feelings towards me (just friends) and other times they speak the complete opposite. It's hard to just thrown something like this away and not try to make things better. I've honestly learned a lot about myself in these last 6 weeks. I'm understanding my insecurities as a boyfriend and how that made me less attractive to her and in the end resulted in her calling off the relationship. I know I'm holding on to slim hope and that's my own fault and I'll have to deal with whatever emotional consequences come with it. I really appreciate all the advice but I got to do what's in my heart and this girl may be my first true relationship, which is why it's hardest to get over, but I see a lot of life partner qualities in her that make me think she's worth the trouble I'm putting myself through.

I'll admit, I have friends around me who have gotten back with their exes on a number of occasions and this girls college roomy(who actually initiated contact with me) and her ex seem to be rebuilding things and they stayed "just friends" after they broke up. Just got to see where things go. Along the lines of a famous quote I'm going to quote Kanye West's song Love Lockdown "Only God knows, if I'll be with you, baby I'm confused, you choose, you choose". That pretty much up my feeing on the matter.

[kctiger]

Along the lines of a famous quote I'm going to quote Kanye West's song Love Lockdown "Only God knows, if I'll be with you, baby I'm confused, you choose, you choose". That pretty much up my feeing on the matter.

Well, unfortunately Kanye won't be there to let you vent when you hurt yourself over and over again... Man up to reality and quit playing the, "Well my situation is different" card. You going NC is for a reason, to stop thinking with emotions and to start seeing reality for what it is. Once you do this, then you can make decisions based on facts, and not your distorted views of reality. You can't follow your heart when your head is so blinded with emotion and unrealistic fantasies.

[lazzyboyy313]

You can't follow your heart when your head is so blinded with emotion and unrealistic fantasies.

I don't think it's unrealistic to think that we'll have another go somewhere down the line. I'm not trying to say this is going to happen but the girls I've gone after have somewhat screwed me over when I want to be with them and in one case it took the girl a year and a half and a failed relationship to realize what I was to her and she came crawling back to me. This girl was my first love but when she came back I didn't feel the same anymore. I didn't love her and that was that. We hung out a couple times but other than that I haven't heard a thing from her.

I'm not trying to buy her love either. If I was doing that I would've gone out and bought something really expensive and tried to bribe her to come back to me. All I bought was a t-shirt for a baseball team she likes, nothing else. Like I said this girl was a part of my life for most of the year and that's kind of the person I am. I like giving things to people for the satisfaction of knowing I made them happy, whether that be family, friends, or partners.