[Vix89]

I think sod everyone else and do what makes you happy.. marry him and emigrate somewhere sunny :)

[frangipanis]

Thought I'd pass this on in case it might be of some help:
Interfaith - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[firmbeliever]

Hi Christianme,

From the perspective of a muslim, second and third wives of the same man does not always create a problem as long as the man is able to provide financially and emotionally for his wives and children. This in itself is a big task, it takes a man with a lot of faith,good character and good sense to balance it well and not be overwhelmed.

I know a lady who is actually the first wife and her husband has a second wife, he married with her permission. She is happy to be with her husband and is friendly with the second wife, they have a good marriage,but it does take a lot of strength to be strong when faced with some decisions which involve the whole family.Each of these wives have kids and the kids accept both their moms. Now the strength of this marriage comes from the fact that everyone involved are of the same faith and there is no conflict when it comes to bringing up the children,they follow Islam to their best.

In your case,
The first issue is the conflict of religion-as you do not want to leave your religion and he does not want to leave his. This may not be something you think is big,but it is or it will get bigger as time passes.Along the way there will come a time when yours and his religious teachings may conflict for any number of reasons.

Second issue is when it comes to raising children,you may think it will not be hard to watch your kids learning Islam and being muslims.For them it will be hard because they would see that you do not practice similar duties and will be confused as to what to do.They would want to please you as well as their father when it comes to religion as well other things. Now that is not a good situation for young children to be in.

Third issue in your case is that family is an important part of any Indian.If you two were to lie to your family and hide from them the truth of your situation, things will get sticky as I am sure someday it will come out.
Even before they find out the truth,there is the tension between you and the husband due to the stress of lying and cheating your loved ones.

Another thing is that as Talaniman said, that you do not do know what to do yet .
If you are not sure,why get married.


It is hard enough bringing up children with two same faith parents,but add to that different faiths,conflict within the extended family.
Plus another wife with a kid who you maybe willing to accept now,but if he is married to her,she has rights on his time and money and he has to fulfill her emotional needs too when and if there is a need.
There will be nothing you can do to stop him from being with her as her husband in every sense of the word.

My advice to you would be to step back,away from the whole situation, look closely, do you really think you are capable of lying to your family?Are you sure you will be able to live a muslim life while being a christian?
Do you think you can sit back and let your children suffer by being pulled into two faiths? In an Indian household you do know that the grandparents will interfere on how the grand kids are brought up ?On one side will be your family who thinks the kids are Christians and his family will think they are Muslims.
Are you capable of sharing your husband with his first wife ?

And as you said, you are mature and being mature means knowing that love does not solve all problems, especially in a complicated situation as yours.Being mature also means you have to know when to let go.

[christiangirl]

Thank you all for your answers... I know you are all my well wishers... thank you...

Hey Vix 89 a special thanks to you... well "unfortunately", that was the easiest solution we could think off as well... but we all know that not as easy as it sounds...

You take care... God bless

[christiangirl]

Dear Firmbeliever...

Thank you for your opinion/reasoning... I appreciate it for the fact that you were unbiased... thanks a lot... Similar to the others, your reply did not work wonders but it made me feel like at least somebody was on the same page as I was...

Thank you for helping me by telling me what to think about... will follow...

I can feel you are a person who is very close to God... please say a prayer for us too...

May Allah bless you... Amen

[asking]

Why does he have to be married in order to take care of his wife and child? Many people in the world take care of a spouse and children without being married to the spouse. What is the special circumstance that requires this?

[christiangirl]

His wife is sick... and that's the special circumstance...

Though I believe that even if that was not the case he would not abandon his child... since they already exist in his life... before I walked in...

[talaniman]

Your in way over your head, so don't let those intense feelings make you blind to facts or the ability to gather them, and process them through your brain.

The last thing you need is to make a life changing decision to give up everything you love, and cherish, to be with someone who you know, and love, but don't understand.

If he truly loves you, HE will understand you need time to learn, and get the facts, before you make a decision.

Whats the hurry to rush into something, when you haven't resolved the big issues between you?

[hereisone]

Christianme, I am so sad that you are in such a situation and time in your life. You asked for Suggestions and prayers, but do you still have any choice to make. You have already brought disgrace to your loved ones unknowingly which you do not want to. You need to sit back and ask questions to yourself. Just think, if your act was right in your own eyes. You will find your answer within your own conscience. You cannot satisfy both, your parents and your new found relation even if your parents agree, I don't think you can be happy and see your parents happy. If you still have time, consider yourself for you yourself is the case and the best judge of your own actions.

[lisa1122tx]

Wow, talaniman sounds like they know what they are talking about. I would strongly consider listening to this wise person.
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions""
"If you must get blessings through lies, and deceit, you dishonor both religions and yourself."
That says it all.