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dancingtwins · Jun 7, 2006, 11:04 AM

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

By losing him you gain the opportunity to learn the lesson, you get to look at the beating your self esteem took, you get time to build yourself up without him and eventually be in far better shape for the right guy when he comes along.

Stay and you will sacrifice things that no one should sacrifice. Self esteem, security, trust, etc. Real love doesn't ask that from us.

Look around and you will see the world proves that losers* (for lack of a better word) hook up with losers and winners hook up with winners. So which one are you? And who does that make you belong with?

I hope that is a little clearer.

*Losers are people with personal problems who like to play the victim card about it, and think that lets them off the hook for doing anything about it. It is the number one way we keep ourselves trapped in the mess. This said from a former "loser" herself!

Very good point I will move on. Thank you so much for your help

Chery · Jun 7, 2006, 01:23 PM

Stop trying to 'help' him. First he gets upset with you when you try to part with this relationship. Then, you go back to him and he 'cuts you off' - please get real!

He's just doing that because he does not like it when he gets rejected, so now he's just stringing you on until he's found another 'miss right' - and from what you say, he's already shopping around.

This guy will never get serious, no matter how much you think your 'help' will work. You will just be wasting valuable time and energy.

You have a dream, look for the one who deserves you and dream it with a new partner.

Also, reassess why you think you need to help someone who drinks, cheats and generally treats women with disrespect.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

You don't need this.

Krs · Jun 8, 2006, 12:16 AM

Originally Posted by dancingtwins

What do I have to gain by lossing him

A whole lot sweety! A future without a selfish cheater and a drinker with a problem. Its your gain because you are FREE from him, FREE to do what you want, and FREE because you may soon meet a genuinily nice guy.. that you deserve after all. This guy you can't seem to trust as far as you could throw him...
If you are still with him then you have nothing of the above to gain ;) see my point.

Serpentina77 · Jun 8, 2006, 01:51 PM

He's what you call a psychic vampire. He attaches to you emotionally and then basically sucks your feelings out. He's a puppy in the rain on the corner that you want to save- but he has rabies. All in all, just ignore him. This has happened to me! Don't even look at the messages, just delete them. He has a passing thought about you and feels a need to reach out. He needs to feed on your emotions to feel better, don't let him.

You, my dear, are wonderful for trying to help him. But he has an alcohol problem and he cheats. The saying once a cheater always a cheater is true. But besides that, alcohol is almost as hard as smoking to break. You can't help him, he needs a professional. Trust me, you don't want to be a professional. I myself had a friend that was suicidal and in the end, after almost fainting all the time because of emotional and physical exhausting, I realized I alone couldn't help him.

So the advice: Ignore him. You're a wonderful angel for wanting to help him, but unfortunately, you aren't the person who can. I know how much you really want to be, but in the end you'll feel a lot better not trying. Trying to help him won't work. Good luck!

Wildcat21 · Jun 8, 2006, 02:15 PM

Yes - he needs help - but not from you. He is a mess. Luckily he only broke your wind shield.

Chery · Jun 15, 2006, 10:34 AM

Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

By losing him you gain the opportunity to learn the lesson, you get to look at the beating your self esteem took, you get time to build yourself up without him and eventually be in far better shape for the right guy when he comes along.

Stay and you will sacrifice things that no one should sacrifice. Self esteem, security, trust, etc. Real love doesn't ask that from us.

Look around and you will see the world proves that losers* (for lack of a better word) hook up with losers and winners hook up with winners. So which one are you? And who does that make you belong with?

I hope that is a little clearer.

*Losers are people with personal problems who like to play the victim card about it, and think that lets them off the hook for doing anything about it. It is the number one way we keep ourselves trapped in the mess. This said from a former "loser" herself!

I came back here expressly to rate this post, but still was not able to. So, here it is again.

I agree wholeheartedly that you are better off without him and the sooner, the better.

You'll really enjoy your life once you've got it back.

Myth · Jun 15, 2006, 11:12 AM

You know in most cases like this the woman can loose her life. The guy will get sooo angry and frustrated by his life that he will kill the person that wants to help him. You know what you gain by leaving? You gain a new lease on life and a chance to walk away whole and clean. Not many get that chance. Someone is watching out for you and you better be listening to that guardian angle cause they only have so long before they get tired of seeing us run into that brick wall. Ask yourself, If I had a daughter would I want to see her in this type of relationship? I wouldn't want my children boy or girl to want to help someone that they were hurting this bad. Get out while you still have the legs to walk upon, get out before you end up in the morgue.

dancingtwins · Jun 26, 2006, 09:21 AM

Quick Update:: I have completely cut him out of my life. I feel less stress now then the whole time I have known him. Thanks to everyone that responded to my problem.

Myth · Jun 26, 2006, 09:35 AM

I'm glad we could help... just stick around here you may be able to help someone else. Were always happy to have another 2cents floating around.

Wildcat21 · Jun 26, 2006, 10:54 AM

That's great - change is very hard... but you could never be with this guy. He has it in his mind to treat you a certain way...

DON'T listen to his pleas to change... you have to move on.

Very happy for you - there is someone great outthere for you... but he ain't it.

talaniman · Jun 26, 2006, 11:34 AM

Originally Posted by dancingtwins

Quick Update:: I have completely cut him out of my life. I feel less stress now then the whole time I have known him. Thanks to everyone that responded to my problem.

Doncha love it when a plan comes together! :)

Chery · Jun 30, 2006, 02:58 PM

So.. there is truth to the expression:

"The life you save may be your own!"

Good for you girl! Don't give up on yourself and your dreams.

GeekerGirl86 · Dec 4, 2008, 06:07 PM

Doll face... It's not easy letting go of someone you love.. But you know it's the right thing for you.. I think you feel like you want to be the solution to his issues.. And As awesome as I know you are... He needs to overcome those issues with a trained professional..
Besides in all your awesomeness you deserve someone who will share in your joy, not someone who brings you to advice sites to gain back yourself esteem.. You rock girl.. Now walk away and find someone who sees it.. And if it helps.. Program his name to dial a friend's number instead of his!! Trust me it works!