[Krs]

Its only been a month.
1 month is not a long time. At this point of the relationship you 2 should be out having a good time and a good laugh together. Not worrying about expressing feelings for each other. It takes time for feelings to go grow, id say after 3 or 6 months at least.

Forcing the opposite to what he wants will only push him further away!

You said yourself he has been screwed in the past by ex gf's, so don't push for commitment.

[Blazingsun]

Just a little update on this mess.

I did take him back, we did talk. It was still kind of rocky.

But we are still together and now plugging towards our third month together.

There were some big mistakes made on both sides in the very beginning, I'll be the first to bow down and admit it.

But I'm learning. And so is he. And that's what this is all about hm? :)

I'm confident it's not just about the sex anymore. There are nights there is none, and we are content to just be together.

He has introduced me to his family... and made an effort to go to my dads wedding on the weekend but his car broke down on the way. He got it towed back to my place and we spent 3 full days together for the first time.

We talked about lots of stuff, he opened up and we both did a lot of learning about each other. (I know 3 days isn't eternity) but it was a wonderful start and something I think we both needed.

We had so much fun together, and I saw sides to him I hadn't seen yet. I learned things about him where I thought was him not caring... wasn't the case at all.

He's just different then the guys I've been with in the past. That doesn't make him wrong. Just means I need to give a little and not expect so much and learn his dance as we go.

Where I was unsure and stuff before, now I feel much more confident and happy with him.

Thought I'd share with everyone, heh I deem this as good news.

Thank you everyone for your advice before.

s_cianci, he's admitted to having tried to push me away at times 'for my own good' when he said he was just getting nervous. He's admitted this was silly of him and is working on his insecurities.

[Wildcat21]

Wow - that's great. Happy for you.

EVERYONE needs to learn from this - NO ONE IS PERFECT - NO ONE. Not me, not you. It's called living with your partners quirks, differences, etc. - AND looking past those.

There is NO 'perfect' love - ever!! People think there is... No!!

You just want to make sure the person you are with IS NOT a CHEATER, VERBAL abuser, physical abuser, lier, crook, drug addict, alcoholic etc.

Communications is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO important. Soooooooooooooo important. You HAVE to be able to sit down and talk.

[Blazingsun]

I can't spread any Wildcat but right on. All you said.

Also, can't rush things... anything. You could miss so many important things along the slow sweet journey to getting to know someone if you do.

Keep your arms and eyes wide.

Just when you think you know someone, that's when they are going to surprise you.

[J_9]

Originally posted by Blazingsun
He's just different then the guys I've been with in the past. That doesn't make him wrong. Just means I need to give a little and not expect so much and learn his dance as we go.

Don't forget that it takes two in a relationship and he should learn your dance too.

It is all give and take from both people. You are in this together.

[Chery]

Hey, Blazing... It's great that you've given each other more time to grow. You both seem to feel that it worth it from what I read. Keep us posted.

Thumbs up for communication and humor.

[Blazingsun]

OK, this should be hopefully, one of the last posts about the guy I'm ' kind of currently with'.

I finally got fed up with his (self admitted) pushing me away and then calling me up to spend time with me when he felt it was OK enough for him.

I wrote him a kind, but honest letter (yes a letter don't thwack me, I can't SEE him since he moved far away and couldn't call, otherwise I know about the no feelings in an email thing) explaining why I would not be talking to him for the next little bit. (I couldn't just stop talking to him without offering him an explanation. I know if rolls were reversed I would have appreciated some kind of one myself)

I told him how I felt about him, but also how emotionally draining it was. I told him that when he is ready to pull instead of push me away I'm there for him.

I didn't end the relationship. This is me giving him a lot of space to think about what he really wants. And I guess in this time I'm doing some thinking too, while I'm trying to keep a growing line of guy friends away from moving into position to try and claim me should I become single.

I love this guy, but I'm using the adadge, "if you love someone set them free, if it's meant to be they will come back to you."

It's hard. It's only been a week so far of no communication at ALL, and I'm going nuts. I'm hanging out with my friends and stuff but still I long for his voice and to feel his touch.

He's made no effort to talk to me since, he didn't even reply to the letter.

Guess I'm just looking for some extra strength to get through this. *weak smile* I am adament not to buckle though and stick to my grounds.

However, I'm not putting my life on hold for this guy forever. If I haven't heard anything from him by the first of the month, I'm going to end it cleanly.

[Skell]

You stay strong. You have to.
You have seen first hand here that this is the best option for you at the moment.

You have even given loads and loads of wonderful advice to many people on here saying as such.

I think you are going a wise way about this. You haven't seemed overly confident or satisfied in this relationship from your first post here!

[Wildcat21]

Blazing - you know it's best to leave him be. I wouldn't contact him at all if that's they way he acted. Make him come to you - if not - then something's wrong with this guy.

He needs to apprecoate you. He takes you for granted.

I wondering if, forsome reason, he doesn't respect you??

[Krs]

Blazingsun you are such a strong person I don't think you realise this.

You have done the right thing.
Leave him be now, you said your part, now its up to him.

[talaniman]

Why wait end it now and don't look back. I've read your other post and know for a fact you don't need him and you know you can do a lot better. Celebrate your new freedom with love for you!

[Chery]

Hi dear. Thanks for sharing this with us. You will not get a 'pep talk' from me, since you know yourself that anything can happen from this point on. What you do with what happens has probably already gone through your mind in several 'plays' by now. But as all plays that are not written by those in the roles, they can take unexpected turns and I sincerely hope that you have prepared a contingency plan either way.

You also know that we will be here for you at any time, to help share your joy or help heal your wounds. So, please keep us informed and stay with us.

Wishing you all the best,

Chery

[valinors_sorrow]

I applaud you giving it a sensible deadline, Blaze! Most people who take the kind of actions you did forget that essential part all together... which only makes them look not serious about it. I can see you are. I certainly understand that you got to do all that you need to in order to walk away not nagging yourself to death afterwards. Just be sure if and when it ends, don't end up grieving for what "could have been", but grieve instead for what was -- that's another easy tripping place for some people too. Offers you some of my strength to do yourself right in this.

[Blazingsun]

Been awhile since I've been here posting.

For those who remember I was with this guy who was scared to say anything along the lines of how he felt or anything... and who got uncomfortable when I tried to talk to him about things and or when I would express how I was feeling etc.

I worked up the nerve and broke contact with him for awhile. A little over a month later and still no word from him I've tried to move on, and met someone new who treats me 110% better and who can actually talk about things.

For those reading out there who don't know if they could ever hold off on contact with someone you care about deeply for a month or more.. it IS possible. It's hard. But if you get out into life and hang out with friends, they can help a lot in keeping your mind off someone you otherwise shouldn't be obesssing over.

At the end of your cool off time, you'd be surprised how clearly you can see. I know I am.

[Wildcat21]

Good for you - you will heal faster.

It has to be that way for a lot of reason including getting your power back. Respect. Reflecting on the REAL problems and why you broke. Fix yourself. LEARN about mistakes.

"who treats me 110% better and who can actually talk about things." - let me guess though - you still 'feel' for the other guy - still want him.

[Blazingsun]

Feel for him? Course. I always will. But I'm beyond wanting to be with him. I know he's not for me, and it never would have worked. Think I knew that all along. Just needed to take time for myself to see it.

[Wildcat21]

Well that's great. I know it was hard. But, you handled it properly.

[valinors_sorrow]

What is worth it is often hard, lol, but well, worth it! Good for you and please keep posting here.. we need your kind of help, Blaze.

[Skell]

Well done. And see what the no contact period can bring when you work on YOURSELF. You find someone better.

It is essential that people concentrate in THEMSELVES in this period. It isn't a tactic to win your ex back. It is a time to work on YOU!

Glad your happy blazingsun. I was only thinking the other day that it had been a while since id seen you post. Don't be a stranger!

[s_cianci]

Way to go! Nice of you to share your experience with others who could learn from it.