[JoeCanada76]

why do married men cheat

Why do married women cheat

[redwee74]

Men cheat because they feel that they are not the star of a women's heart or that there is something better out there. Here is the main reason and I know that most of you guys are going to disagree but this is my observation, because a women has done them bad and they have put they're heart some place else and refuse to give it to another person. Most people who cheat are very selfish and do not really care about the one they are cheating on, or they care but are more interested in their own gain to worry about how the other in the relationship feels. Men are not the only ones to cheat and I believe that women are more heartless about it. But why men cheat is more of a physical attraction than with women. Let us be honest. Men are more about beauty women are more about other things. I am a man and know that physical attraction is a major part of our attraction, not all but important, if a man cheats it can be for several reasons. One a man has been hurt by a woman and has decided to never allow that to happen again, two, a man feels that his spouse is not filling his needs and three, a man feels that his spouse is not as attractive as she or he was before that time. I know very shallow but hey the truth. Hope this helps.

[avonlady]

People in general are trifling.

[Synnen]

Again, as a person who HAS cheated---I wouldn't call myself lazy or selfish. Actually, that's what I would call what was going on, on HIS part at the time. I cleaned the house, made him dinner, tried to seduce him, put on sexy lingerie, tried talking about it, tried taking him out new places--essentially, I tried everything I could to get our relationship back on track. That's not lazy, and it's not selfish.

What happened with the other guy wasn't planned--it really did kind of just happen. He made me feel good about myself, and made me feel sexy and appreciated---something my boyfriend hadn't done in some time.

So--it works both ways. Most of the time, when people cheat, it's because their partner is being lazy on maintaining their relationship.

Is there an expectation of fidelity in marriage? Of course! But we weren't married at the time, and had taken no vows.

I'm just saying that painting all cheaters with the same brush of "bad" or "lazy" or "selfish" is extremely short sighted of people. That, to me, is as silly as saying that all porn is bad, or that all masturbaters are porn addicts or whatever. EVERY situation is going to be different, but I don't think people run out looking for reasons to stray. I think they're HANDED those reasons by their partners, and that there is a serious communication problem for it to happen at all.

It seems to me though that you all put cheaters in the same category as rapists---people that just aren't fit to live and could never POSSIBLY be interested in a normal happy relationship again--and you do it without even knowing the full story in most situations.

[ttoinc]

Men and women are the same in this area look deep in your own heart,
And see your own answer to your question. I am sorry for your lost and I do feel for you. Be strong for yourself and over come the feelings of hurt.
If your one of good people in this life of pain, please stay the same and put up no walls to stop true love.

[liz28]

The only person that knows why they cheat are the cheater. Not all married men cheat nor do all married women cheat. You can list many reasons cheater cheat but it is best to hear it from the source to hear why they cheated.

[jaime90]

Why do married women cheat? There's only a 2% difference between the amount of men who cheat and the amount of women who cheat. Men cheat 2% more than women. So then, why do married women cheat?

[donf]

Hey I have a valid reason for cheating :). My lady is now in Italy still on her cruise.

She is spending more money then I told her she could. This putting too much pressure on me and I fell a need to cheat on her because I can and she'll never know :)

Is that a good enough reason or should I keep working at it. By the way, before the lady left on this trip, I gave her a $5 a day allowance. That wasn't too much was it?

[Tuscany]

Donf-
5 dollars!! That is perfect... she does not actually spend the $$ on the cruise. It goes right on your credit card. So TECHNICALLY she is not spending any cash. Perfect... oh and she could be cheating with some hunky Italian while you are home with a desperate housewife. Hmmmm interesting.

Great Post :)

[Synnen]

Hey I have a valid reason for cheating :). My lady is now in Italy still on her cruise.

She is spending more money then I told her she could. This putting to much pressure on me and I fell a need to cheat on her because I can and she'll never know :)

Is that a good enough reason or should I keep working at it. By the way, before the lady left on this trip, I gave her a $5 a day allowance. That wasn't to much was it?

Anger and revenge are stupid reasons for cheating.

But... I see that I am preaching to deaf ears about circumstances that could make you vulnerable to the temptation.

May you not learn to not judge others by actually having to walk in those shoes--because OBVIOUSLY, you're holier and "better" than those who fell off the righteous path due to their personal circumstances.

I understand now--I should have broken up with my boyfriend for ignoring me, moved out of the apartment where I was on the lease, continued to pay for my share of that, because by law I had to, and somehow (maybe by stripping?) found another place to stay in the meantime that I could afford. Even though I loved him, I should have left before letting someone else make me feel attractive again, and my now-husband should have NEVER forgiven me for my lapse and made changes in himself and we both should have never moved on from the situation because cheating is the ultimate EVIL! I should just be outcast from society because obviously, I am not content with the man that I love, and I might cheat on him again over and over, breaking his heart, because once I got that first taste of cheating, I couldn't learn from the lesson and the heartbreak--once a cheater, always a cheater, after all.

Go soak your heads. Either you can not understand the extreme low in self-esteem and loneliness that leads to the vast majority of one-time cheating, or you're just too "good" to have ever committed a similar "sin". Ever hear of "forgiveness" or "tolerance" or "understanding"?

May your judgement of others come back to you threefold.

[NowWhat]

As from someone cheated ON - I can not understand it. I can not tolerate it. Forgive it? I am trying. Forget it? NEVER.

Do I think I am better or holier? No. But I do not understand it.
I can not figure out what I did so wrong to deserve the pain and basic torture I was put through. I wasn't a good listener? I didn't cook good enough? What?

Of Course, I did lose 10 pounds because I was to sick or the knot that was constantly in my stomach, wouldn't allow me to eat. I didn't have to bother with make-up because no matter how good a "concealer" is - it was no match for the blood shot, puffy eyes I was sporting around.
And I did get to keep in touch with long distance family - because they called every day to make sure I hadn't gone off the deep end yet.

But - I guess because I was a piss-poor wife, I deserved it?

[donf]

Well Synnen, At last we see eye to eye on something.

I have spent many an evening dealing with people who have cheated or even worse have been cheated on. Also with both the repentant and I didn't do anything all that wrong because...

The pain is always serious and rockets through families in all manner of splintered ways. I've even spoken to children who seriously believe that their behavior caused the infidelity.

I rank this right up at the top along with abortion in terms of pain and suffering.

I still offer for your consideration the difference between being married and living with someone.

Marriage carries with it the vow of fidelity. Living with someone does not.

If I were to choose to move in with someone, I don't necessarily promise anything to the lady. I would let her infer all that she wants, but none of it is binding. Can you find any legal terms surrounding "Living together" that would take that definition to the same status as married?

Cheating whether in marriage or not is still an enormous trust breaker, period!

I bet we would be hard pressed to find anyone that doesn't know that cheating is wrong and should not be entered into.

In your situation, you cheated because of the emotional damage you say was being done to you by his not appreciating you.

For me, I've been married for 43 years. During that time I've been under appreciated and the subject of anger does that give me the right to cheat? Does it mean if I feel bad about myself I'm exonerated for my actions.

What about the predators who lock in on someone's weak condition and try to score for the free sex. Does that clear the other party from the stigma of cheating.

What about the reality of two parties cheating on their spouses, marrying and then cheating again.

No, I say if the cheating is to stop, it must be done by the people contemplating cheating, regardless of how insidious the thought really is.

As for forgiveness, it's not my place to forgive. I'm not the offend party. I can console and offer guidance and try to find a way for the parties to reconcile, but that is were my limitations end. And forgetting, there is no way on this good Earth that I could look someone in the eyes and tell them to forget this betrayal. First of all, it can't be done. Second no one will leave themselves that open again. We all learn our lessons. As for me, I work on the "Where to from here." I try to give advice that helps a person not belittles them.

[div2wice]

Yes men can notice and be attracted to many women, that is how God designed them. The key is for them to be taught that it is wrong to cheat on their wives. Most aren't taught this, they are taught the opposite... that you're a man. You want something, you take it.
I personally think men cheat because of low self esteem. They feel cruddy about themselves so they think feeling wanted by another woman, or many, makes them a better person. They don't think about the affects of cheating, again, because they think it is OK and acceptable.
Others because of the control factor... they like the control they have over the situation. They can see "her" when they need to, then go home and get whatever they need from their wife. They are in complete control of the situation, especially if they're tricky and secretive about it enough to keep it form their wife. Its exciting for some, doing something on the low, and getting away with it. Sick really...

[Tuscany]

Anger and revenge are stupid reasons for cheating.

But...I see that I am preaching to deaf ears about circumstances that could make you vulnerable to the temptation.

May you not learn to not judge others by actually having to walk in those shoes--because OBVIOUSLY, you're holier and "better" than those who fell off the righteous path due to their personal circumstances.
.

Wow Synn I actually thought that Donf's post was a joke... I guess I have been away for to long. Maybe I should just read for awhile and not answer to get caught up.

[Synnen]

I just find it interesting that people continually ask the reasons anyone would cheat, ever, and then when someone ANSWERS that question, from personal point of view---all of a sudden, none of those reasons are valid to the people asking the question.

I personally think that any time there is cheating, in ANY relationship, that it comes down to a lack of communication. Somehow, someone isn't hearing what the other person needs from them, no matter how many times they try to say it, or how many different ways they phrase it.

Maybe that's not the case with chronic cheaters--you'd have to get one of them on here to answer that question, I guess.

But from those of us who have cheated, regretted, and worked on trust and forgiveness with our partners---I gave you an answer as to why someone cheats.

What I got in return was the morality on why cheating was bad. Guess what? You're right--everyone KNOWS that cheating is bad!

Everyone ALSO knows that child abuse is bad, sex before marriage is bad, teenage pregnancy is bad, driving too fast is bad, drinking too much is bad, doing drugs is bad, smoking is bad, impulse buying is bad, lying is bad, eating too much is bad, not excercising is bad--the list goes on and on! I bet you'd be hard pressed to find a person on this site that hasn't done at least ONE of the things I just listed. So we're ALL bad! It's just a matter of degree---and it's a matter of relativity and of regret.

I'd just like to add that I hope none of you who would never forgive call yourself Christian. The basic premise of Christianity is to forgive--and if you could not forgive someone who sincerely repented, well--you're not a very good Christian, and you're only hurting yourself with withholding forgiveness.

Tuscany--it's a matter of perspective, I think. As one of the "guilty" here, Donf's post came across as mocking and sarcastic to me, rather than as a true joke.

[Tuscany]

Funny Synn- Guilty too... actually cheating his how my husband and I got together... he had a girlfriend- but ended up with me...
And still I saw humor in it... I think that is the down fall of typing... you can't hear the tone of voice used.

[donf]

Actually all of my posts on this thread were tongue-in-cheek, not mocking.

But Synnen if there is any reason I gave that caused you ire, I apologize for that.

I still say it is not my place to forgive the transgression. And yes, I' Catholic so I qualify under the broad spectrum of Christian.

However, because it is not my place to forgive the transgressor does not in any way suggest that I would in any way cause punishment on the transgressor.

It is my firm belief that forgiveness if it is to come must come from the offended party. And in no way should I be telling anyone to forgive and forget.

Forgiveness is something that only the two parties can succeed at or not.

I'm neutral with respect to counseling a husband and wife in this area. Actually, the reasons do not matter so much to me as actions from where we are right now to tomorrow.

[helplesswife]

Wow, Avon lady you have been so hurt... That is so apparent with your words.

I have to say that I have been with my husband for 11 years, we have been married for 8 and we have 4 great children. I thought my marriage was the norm. I came from a divorced home and had no really good example of a marriage to lead from, same for my husband. 3 and a half months ago my husband had an affair with my best friend. Well safe to assume she is no longer my best friend... lol... Friends like that, who needs enemies right?
Well I decided to stay and try to work this out. I am currently in counseling along with my husband. The counselor was talking just last night that sometimes the reasons some men make these horrible choice's are because of anger. My husband has always felt like a failure, always thought lowly of himself and has always battled depression. Well this was his way of giving up. Knowing this does not take away the pain it has caused, or the distrust that he has to work very hard to earn back. But the book Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggrichs has helped my husband and I be able to understand each other more clearly, has helped up communicate better. It is still tense and rocky from time to time, but I am not a quitter and I refuse to let the like of a husband stealing hoosie win! I am still very angry with both of them. We have to always remember that it is a choice that the man or the woman makes and they have always had the chance to say NO and to walk away. It is NEVER your fault!
If you like get the book, read it... You will be amazed at what a difference it can make in your life! We are not guaranteed an amazing life with an amazing prince, it is perfectly natural to want that & we have to realize that we have to work at that being a reality!
Blessings...

[brandibaby23]

I would just rather divorce or dump the other person before cheating..of course with my expierences with men i have a low bs tolereance

This is it right here, if you are so Da mn unhappy lose the baggage!! It is easier than cheating and dealing now with guilt and someone who doesn't "appreciate" you. It takes a few moments and eight words. "I Don't wanna be with you anymore"

[brandibaby23]

I think the next post should be "why do Friends cheat with their friends boyfriend/husband"?
Why is it that the friend is always the one NOT the one Forgiven but The man always is? He is the one that should have to get the shaft. Yes the friend done wrong but wasn't she/he just helping you realize your "other" half was a cheater? Just something's to ponder LOL