[mekia]

Ok first off Im not ignoring any advice actually I am taking heed to everything everyone has said. I have contacted an attorney and she said the best thing to do was an emergency order so that's what I am doing now. Thank you all for your answers!

[JudyKayTee]

Ok first off Im not ignoring any advice actually I am taking heed to everything everyone has said. I have contacted an attorney and she said the best thing to do was an emergency order so thats what I am doing now. Thank you all for your answers!

Please come back and let us know how it works out - someone else will greatly benefit from your experience.

[isabelle]

Same can be said for down here in alberta, usually the courts prefer for the father or ex to be notified but for "exparta" situations (emergencies), the courts will grant custody, or restraining orders, without the ex being any wiser. Child maintence is a different subject though Ive watched cases thrown out because the mother did not know where the father was to serve him and he would just start going in debt each month.
I personally did not have to serve my ex paper work to go for parenting (custody), didnt know where he is, knew his parents address and was going to ask to serve them certified mail, but because of a exparta order that had been in effect in the past, lack of knowledge of were he is and no contact in over 2 and half yrs the courts granted me everything I asked for.

Good for your state and good for you. I am so glad things worked out for you.

When my youngest grandchild was born she went home with her father ( my son) The mother went down to the courthouse and filed for child support and got it. My son was kind of lazy about fixing things so he did nothing until they begin to take it out of his check, By then it was about $4,000. We went to court but because we didn't know where the mother was, not even which state, the court would not over rule the first order. They said we had to find her and she had to appear in court. I know it sounds like a lie but I was sitting there and I heard this judge say it. They stopped the child support, but he is still paying back the 4,000 dollars, I don't know who gets it. I think the state must get it because she had welfare for this child but did not have the child for even one day.
She has since moved back here, but the judge will not revise anything. I just love our court system.

[isabelle]

mekia, It sounds as if, as Scott said, he is getting bad advice, but it is working, because you do not have your child. I think this man is using intimidation on you and it is working.
You need to get a lawyer and file for whatever you need to. Do not talk to this man unless he is saying that he will bring your child home or release him to you. Do not tell him your plans for anything, Don't even tell him that you are getting a lawyer. Just do it and stop listening to everyone's advice. Us non-lawyers can only give lay-persons advice, you need legal advice.
I, and I am sure everyone here, will be glad to support you in whatever you do, but you need legal advice... pronto

[JudyKayTee]

Good for your state and good for you. I am so glad things worked out for you.

When my youngest grandchild was born she went home with her father ( my son) The mother went down to the courthouse and filed for child support and got it. My son was kinda lazy about fixing things so he did nothing until they begin to take it out of his check, By then it was about $4,000. We went to court but because we didn't know where the mother was, not even which state, the court would not over rule the first order. They said we had to find her and she had to appear in court. I know it sounds like a lie but I was sitting there and I heard this judge say it. They stopped the child support, but he is still paying back the 4,000 dollars, I don't know who gets it. I think the state must get it because she had welfare for this child but did not have the child for even one day.
She has since moved back here, but the judge will not revise anything. I just love our court system.

Well, I'm sure it's different when it's your son and it's been a frustrating experience but I think fathers who don't pay support and the mother (and child) go on welfare or into the public system should have to pay back. In this economy I have a difficult enough time supporting myself - I really don't want to support anyone else and their child(ren) because the father doesn't.

And, yes, I'm sure that's where the money is going.

Not saying it's always fair but I'm and out of the Courtroom all the time. I see people who get served, don't appear, then try to get the first Order set aside inconveniencing (and costing money) everyone. If they like the decision, they don't appeal; if they do, they don't - that's not how the system is set up to work.

Again - maybe it's different when it's your son and grandchild but I work on these cases all the time so my perspective is different. I'm sympathetic to what you've gone through but I don't see a great injustice here.

[froggy7]

Actually, it sounds to me like the father of the child is doing everything right, and I'm not entirely sure why everyone is jumping all over him. Especially since mom didn't seem to have any problem with him having the child until she found out that the kid was with grandma (whose only problem, as far as I can tell, is that she wants to be involved with her grandchild and has a different opinion than mom on the proper way of raising said child). He is the child's father, and it sounds like he may have been given legal temporary guardianship to the child. And now that the child is physically with him, he is getting paternity legally established and filing for custody. Why shouldn't he take the initiative and do that while the child is with him, rather than waiting for the mother to do it and having to go to her state for the proceedings? Don't we want fathers to be involved with their kids? Legally, once paternity is established, he has as much right to be the primary custodial parent as the mother does.

[JudyKayTee]

mekia, It sounds as if, as Scott said, he is getting bad advice, but it is working, because you do not have your child. I think this man is using intimidation on you and it is working.
You need to get a lawyer and file for whatever you need to. Do not talk to this man unless he is saying that he will bring your child home or release him to you. Do not tell him your plans for anything, Don't even tell him that you are getting a lawyer. Just do it and stop listening to everyones advice. Us non-lawyers can only give lay-persons advice, you need legal advice.
I, and I am sure everyone here, will be glad to support you in whatever you do, but you need legal advice..... pronto

Isabelle, got to disagree. The father has every bit as much right to the child as the mother. There should have been a custody/support order from day one, particularly before the father took the child ANYWHERE. Obviously, this was not done.

Until there is a support order OP could have taken the child and gone off. The father just did it first.

OP has no way of knowing whether a conversation with the father will or will not bring the child home so she doesn't know in advance whether the conversation will be productive. I agree with the "don't give him information" statement UNLESS somehow that info will change the father's position on all this. I don't think it will, but -

Attorneys do post on this thread; para-professionals do post on this thread; I have no idea how many years of legal experience are on this one thread. OP has received good legal advice. Not blindly agreeing with Scottgem (and he doesn't need my support) but Scott knows the rules/laws/ropes as well as 90% of all Attorneys. He can both read and interpret the Law.

The first post was August 18; today is August 24 - and I don't see anything has happened from her end of things. She should have moved immediately - and she did not. I'm sure there are reasons but the father got the upper hand because time is/was on his side.

But until someone proves someone else is unfit, then both parents have equal rights to the child.

[N0help4u]

Good for your state and good for you. I am so glad things worked out for you.

When my youngest grandchild was born she went home with her father ( my son) The mother went down to the courthouse and filed for child support and got it. My son was kinda lazy about fixing things so he did nothing until they begin to take it out of his check, By then it was about $4,000. We went to court but because we didn't know where the mother was, not even which state, the court would not over rule the first order. They said we had to find her and she had to appear in court. I know it sounds like a lie but I was sitting there and I heard this judge say it. They stopped the child support, but he is still paying back the 4,000 dollars, I don't know who gets it. I think the state must get it because she had welfare for this child but did not have the child for even one day.
She has since moved back here, but the judge will not revise anything. I just love our court system.

Yeah they will claim they can't find the father and put the mother through a big mess.
Partially why my x got away with not paying child support. If you go through welfare they want you off welfare so they are more likely actively going to look for the dad. Sounds like you got some lazy workers that couldn't care less and just wanted their days pay.
If the system has to pay cash welfare or support they want their money back and will eventually go after him.

[isabelle]

Well, I'm sure it's different when it's your son and it's been a frustrating experience but I think fathers who don't pay support and the mother (and child) go on welfare or into the public system should have to pay back. In this economy I have a difficult enough time supporting myself - I really don't want to support anyone else and their children because the father doesn't.

And, yes, I'm sure that's where the money is going.

Not saying it's always fair but I'm and out of the Courtroom all the time. I see people who get served, don't appear, then try to get the first Order set aside inconveniencing (and costing money) everyone. If they like the decision, they don't appeal; if they do, they don't - that's not how the system is set up to work.

Again - maybe it's different when it's your son and grandchild but I work on these cases all the time so my perspective is different. I'm sympathetic to what you've gone through but I don't see a great injustice here.

Judy. Maybe I wasn't clear enough in my first post. The mother never had the child, not for one day. My son brought his child home from the hospital with him, but she still collected welfare and the court gave her child support, until it was stopped.
What I was saying is that he is paying twice. He has had his daughter her entire life and he paid all medical expenses so she wouldn't abort the child. Now he is paying her back support and raising his daughter.
This is not the case with the original letter writer. Two different cases. I was trying to explain how some states work.
I understand it can be frustrating to not be able to collect what is owned to you, but this mother never... never had the child... not even for one day.

[isabelle]

Yeah they will claim they can't find the father and put the mother through a big mess.
Partially why my x got away with not paying child support. If you go through welfare they want you off welfare so they are more likely actively going to look for the dad. Sounds like you got some lazy workers that couldn't care less and just wanted their days pay.
If the system has to pay cash welfare or support they want their money back and will eventually go after him.

I am sure it is very frustrating for you. I know my son has gone through a lot but he has always kept his child. Mom is still dating and playing games with different men. I guess it works both ways huh?

[isabelle]

Isabelle, got to disagree. The father has every bit as much right to the child as the mother. There should have been a custody/support order from day one, particularly before the father took the child ANYWHERE. Obviously, this was not done.

Until there is a support order OP could have taken the child and gone off. The father just did it first.

OP has no way of knowing whether a conversation with the father will or will not bring the child home so she doesn't know in advance whether the conversation will be productive. I agree with the "don't give him information" statement UNLESS somehow that info will change the father's position on all this. I don't think it will, but -

Attorneys do post on this thread; para-professionals do post on this thread; I have no idea how many years of legal experience are on this one thread. OP has received good legal advice. Not blindly agreeing with Scottgem (and he doesn't need my support) but Scott knows the rules/laws/ropes as well as 90% of all Attorneys. He can both read and interpret the Law.

The first post was August 18; today is August 24 - and I don't see anything has happened from her end of things. She should have moved immediately - and she did not. I'm sure there are reasons but the father got the upper hand because time is/was on his side.

But until someone proves someone else is unfit, then both parents have equal rights to the child.

Sigh... I never said that Dad didn't have any rights. I think more men should be involved, but legally.
I don't think he should just keep her child against her will. I am not sure they have equal rights anymore.
I also never said she got any bad advice.
As far as any advice goes, I thought there was a disclaimer on this board to protect everyone?
Yeah, I agree, we haven't heard anything, I hope things work out for her.

[WESTMORELAnd01]

I want to know how to get full custody of my son. His father moved to California while I was pregnant. His name is not on the birth certificate and my son has my last name. I let him visit with his father because I thought it would be nice. Well that was 4 weeks ago and I found out my son is not with him but with his psychotic grandmom in Minnesota. She does not want to give me my son. Im in Virginia right now and is on my way back to Minnesota and want to know whats the procedure to file for full custody of my son.

Well you can allways call the police and tell them the situation.

[JudyKayTee]

Judy. maybe I wasn't clear enough in my first post. The mother never had the child, not for one day. My son brought his child home from the hospital with him, but she still collected welfare and the court gave her child support, until it was stopped.
What I was saying is that he is paying twice. He has had his daughter her entire life and he paid all medical expenses so she wouldn't abort the child. Now he is paying her back support and raising his daughter.
This is not the case with the original letter writer. Two different cases. I was trying to explain how some states work.
I understand it can be frustrating to not be able to collect what is owned to you, but this mother never... never had the child... not even for one day.

Why - and you probably have the same question - did your son miss the Court date?

And you're right - no, I didn't understand "your" situation. Your son is obviously paying double.

[ScottGem]

Isabelle,
I think some of the problem here is that you are referencing your son's situation which has nothing to do with the OP's. If you want to discuss your son's situation, please start a new thread. Any further references to his situation in this thread will be removed.

[cdad]

He is the father he was not present when I had him to sign the birth certificate, he had moved to California. Me and his mom dont get along because she wants to raise the baby. So when I let him visit his dad she went behind my back and took the baby for 3 weeks. I had no idea. She returned him yesterday but the dad is saying I can't get him and we will have to go to family court in Cali, but me and my son live in MN. He said he is going to get a paternity test today too. I am in contact with both California court and Minnesota and they both are saying he has to file for custody where the child resides.

When I went there a lawyer did draw up papers saying that he had the power of attorney while the child was with him. So he is telling me he has those papers and thats why I can't come take the child.

Also I checked into filing full custody papers and they said the recognition of parentage had to be signed in order to start the process I let the clerk no that he did not sign that so she told me it was need to file full custody. And to be frank I can't afford a attorney at this moment It'l be a week before I can get the money together for me to get to California.

How old is the child ? That's going to make a difference and also what state was the child born in ?

Is the " power of attorney " papers dated ?

How long has the father had custody ?

As far as you filing for custody you can file at same time for paternity. That way they run consecutive and the courts can order a DNA test unless he wants to sign without one.

[isabelle]

Isabelle,
I think some of the problem here is that you are referencing your son's situation which has nothing to do with the OP's. If you want to discuss your son's situation, please start a new thread. Any further references to his situation in this thread will be removed.

Thank you so much Scott, for you response.
I saw a lot of comparing of situations and state law on this post, and on many other posts. I wasn't asking for advice but trying to help the poster, as everyone is. I didn't think that adding mine would be a problem. I saw a few mothers posting with this problem.The only difference in my situation was that it was the Father instead of the Mother.
But again, thank you for pointing that out to me.