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inertia · Aug 18, 2008, 12:01 PM

I also want ot make it clear that she is not with this guy. He doesn't even live near us. I believe that she was trying to make me jealous. Which I said crossed the line for me. She said I was controlling and ended the relationship. I was OK with it, because I wanted to end it anyway.

FLORENCE1085 · Aug 18, 2008, 12:03 PM

You are too old to be dealing with this drama. Find a mature woman who respects and loves you.

inertia · Aug 18, 2008, 12:06 PM

I totally agree. For most of the relationship things seemed fine. She had her art. I had my music. We cooked for each other and hung out but didn't get clingy. Had fun but had our own lives. I'm worried that this may be more than immaturity. I know her mother is bipolar and I'm starting to wonder if she is too.

N0help4u · Aug 18, 2008, 12:10 PM

STILL no matter what her motives, it is childish games and she could have just came out and apologized and admitted to what all she did wrong but she didn't! That means she didn't learn her lesson, she can and most probably will repeat her actions and you can't trust her.

You also need to ask yourself why isn't she with this guy any more and then wants you back?
Are you like a rebound of her 'rebound' cause she just doesn't want to be alone?
I wouldn't trust her, she isn't being honest with you or herself!

If she thinks you are controlling she should just discuss what it is that bothers her instead of making up games. Often people will make up games of blaming the other JUST so that they can justify things like walking out, going to the bar, cheating or whatever.

SO do you want her to get away with these games or not?

Don't make excuses for her, especially to yourself.

FLORENCE1085 · Aug 18, 2008, 12:12 PM

You maybe correct to worry about her psychological issues because to me she seems to have a reason for her actions. She may have an disorder, but she needs to see a doctor before you keep allowing her to use you and pull you down.

inertia · Aug 18, 2008, 12:20 PM

Florence you are incredibly wise for your age. I'm not interested in continuing a relationship with her however I do care about her. I want to be her friend to support her in getting help. Unfortunately I can't be the kind of "friend" she wants or perhaps needs. Her best friend did contact me (probably to fish for something) and I told her that my ex needed therapy. She agreed but I know she won't pursue it (too timid). My ex's family is out of the question for a myriad of reasons. Bleh, it's tiring. As I said, she wasn't ever "with" this guy.

N0help4u · Aug 18, 2008, 12:29 PM

A big mistake people make is caring so much they want to help but if the person does see they need help or doesn't want help then it is only a way of keeping contact with the person open. She doesn't see she needs help. What can you do for her really?
As long as you hang on she is going to think that everything is fine and she doesn't need to change. If you get her to leave you alone then she may see she needs to fix something about herself.

inertia · Aug 18, 2008, 12:40 PM

We are in complete agreement NOhelp. My only fear is that she will do something irreparable to herself. Although I may be justified in not feeling responsible. I will, not as the cause, but as someone who cares about her. I screwed up giving into her that night and it won't happen again but I don't know how to move on knowing that she may be capable of hurting herself. It should also be made aware that I have known her for almost ten years and our families are forever intimately entwined. Sorry, perhaps this entire situation is a bit more complicated than I initially led on. This site is just a nice sounding board for reason. I appreciate everyone's advice.

FLORENCE1085 · Aug 18, 2008, 12:50 PM

Tell her that she needs help and that if she loves you in any kind of way she will go to a doctor. You can go with her because we can all see that u care about her... do not have sex or do anything but get mediacl advice. Be there for support and see what happens. Ask her to get help and if she says not tell her that u cannot be here friend. If she gets help you may get your girl back. It's a win win situation if u work it correctly. :)

N0help4u · Aug 18, 2008, 12:59 PM

I just don't see her as excepting 'friends' only she will keep inching for more just like somebody else was telling you. As long as she has a physical foot in the door with you she will use it to her own means. I just don't see her taking ANY no's for an answer.

inertia · Aug 18, 2008, 01:02 PM

Pretty much what I have been thinking. Having sex with her that night was selfish of me and I regret it tremendously. I was drunk felt hurt and was not thinking clearly. I just hope that I still have enough credibility to help her.

inertia · Aug 18, 2008, 01:05 PM

Nohelp, you are probably right. I just won't let her in the door. I hardly repeat my mistakes so I know I'm capable of digging deep and gathering the fortitude to say no to her.

talaniman · Aug 18, 2008, 03:22 PM

Your drama queen likes to clown, so don't let her, and forget friends guy, the only thing she understands, is repeated strong opposition to her presence, and don't play any games.

She will take your hesitation, or willingness to talk as a signal to move forward with you, and that's something you nip in the bud. Don't let her have her way in any shape, form, or fashion. You must stay with leave me the fk alone, and stick with it.

She's a nut that you can't help!

inertia · Aug 18, 2008, 03:56 PM

Wow, that made me laugh. You are right. I just hope this doesn't get out of hand. i.e. suicide attempt, more stalking, blah blah. If she could learn to love herself she would be perfect. I know I can't fix her but it is heartbreaking.

talaniman · Aug 18, 2008, 04:19 PM

I think your feelings are understandable, and feel she was more than out of line for ignoring them. At the very least you should have been talked to.

Disappear from her life. Two years should have more caring than that.