[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2915235

I think as hard as it is, its time to let go, mom. Your whole life is wrapped up in her, and she really needs to live her life, and learn from her mistakes. You shoulned get a life of your own. It may hurt now, but its best in the long run.

[pkh1955]

Born with hydrocephalic(fluid on the brain) has had 3 brain operation is mentaly about 5 yrs behind in age apprporiat (spelling sucks). has cereble palsy on 1 side , has 1 side hearing loss and 1 eye vision problem, went through school in all LD classes, graduated in 2000 God Bless her with about 7/8 grade level this is called basic skills, and that's just what they tought basic skills, understand she does very good for herself but she has hidden disibilities and I as her mom know this, she works everyday, she now drives as she has been doing this for 1 yr now, I did kind of hold her back on that as I only let her drive with me in the car until I felt very good that she know what she was doing. She has very hard time in spelling, math of any upper level, and like the dr told me yes you could have her take some classes but!! If that part of the brain is damaged its not going to learn. Sorry for babbling. I need to vent/scream

[liz28]

I guess it depends what type of relationship you have with your mom. My mom is my best friend and she is there through my sorrow, happiness,etc. I can tel her anything whatever judgement and feel comfortable doing so. I'll give her my last and she the same.

With that being said I call my mom when I get to work, home, out late, and let her do where I'm at, even when I am with boyfriend because things happen and I was in a situation where a situation could have went wrong and I'm thinking my mom don't even know where I'm at.

Your daughter will learn because right now she torn between you and her boyfriend, I'm sure it hurts her. If she have to lie to her boyfrie about not being around you that's bad. In the end she will come around but now she's blinded. Guys will come and go but your mother will always be what she is, your mom. This won't happen until she sees it for herself. You might be the way you're about her because of her condition but you stated she does well for herself so know that she will do what's right. I know you want to protect her heart but she must protect it herself and repair it when it get broken, your be able to help with this process. Just hope you installed the right tools in her so that she's capable of making her own decisions, right or wrong.
(sorry I went on about my mom)

[pkh1955]

Thank you so much you sound like a wonderful daughter, my daughter and I use to have a very close relationship until all this happened with this guy.. she use to call me to say hey mom I'm at so and so house may not be home or we made it safe. We use to go to dinner together to include the last little guy she dated,but no more. My daughter does do well for herself as for working daily and driving herself there, but she thinks you can bye someone's love, and she has been like that since a child even with friends. I'm sure she is torn between me and him and her self esteem doesn't help her at all, I love her very much and only want the best and never want anything to happen to her, and with him I have no more secure feeling anymore since that happened. I never even told his dad what happened as I didn't want to be blamed for there maybe breakup, and I didn't want to stress his dad, Im 53 yrs old and I still call my mom when she knows I'm out and about on the road she will say call me when you make it home, its respect. I know her father and I did install the right tools but now iof she can remove the blinders to use them, thanks so much your reply helped me feel comfort, I pray daily. If she only realized that BF come and go all life but moms are here forever. And its not a good time to talk to her as she all for him. Over drafted her acct to take him out all weekend and its her birthday, pathetic.

[pkh1955]

And to add liz I know she cares as she will go all weekend with him and not call me at all, but as soon as she gets to week on min morn my phone rings, maybe them seeing each other alllll the time will open her eyes and senses, lets pray so. Lets pray she starts coming home at least a few time a week to be home.

[liz28]

You can't buy love or friends and that's never good to start or do because in the end you only get use. One of my male friends thought this and when his ex left him, she left him broken hearted and broke. Mean while all of us tried to warned him about her, but he didn't want to hear it because he was in love. Can you believe he even brought her a new car and after that she left, luckily he got it back through court, but it was a tough battle. In the end he realize we were right but again he wa blinded.

Maybe, like you said, because of her low self-esteem she can easily be use. Hopefully she sees through his crap before she is left broke with heartache. Again, she have to see this herself. Have your daughte ever seen a counselor about he self-esteem?

[pkh1955]

She would not go for a councler as she sees no problem, and the last thing I want to do is tell her she needs help with her selfesteem, she will end up broken hearted and I will be there with all ears and a shoulder, and yes she will be broke as she is there all ready over drafts you name it, payday fri and broke all ready, its truly sad, she drives a older car he has a brand new one, she put all the mls on hers to see and stay at his dads house. And she is so used, and I'm not saying he is all bad to here but 5.5% of the time its his way or not.. I have heard her on the phone come get me my mom is yelling at me, or me and my friend would go into her room to chat and she would hang up ASAP when we walke din, then hear her say they were fussing at me, I don't get it. If I have to prestend I don't love my family to a BF he will never be in my life, as excepting me is excepting all of my family, and he excepts NONE of us. Life is a big joke to him

[talaniman]

Your daughter will have to learn, as we all have, about making choices, and until she does she will make mistakes, as we all have. Trying to shield her from herself is stunting her growth, and stopping her from learning, and being confident. As a parent I feel your anxiety and frustrations, but you really do have to let go for her own good.

[liz28]

Could it be possible that your daughter is telling little what lies to the both of your.

For example, if your daughter is at your house and your both are having a time why tell the boyfriend your being mean to her, when in fact your not. This will make him not like or want to be around you because he don't like how you mistreating her. Why make him think your don't along when your really do, that's weird and odd, something I'ld never do, instead I would try to made both parties see the good in each other. It's not completely his fault that he don't talk or what to be around you, your daughter is playing a role in this too.

[pkh1955]

You are so right, she does this in order to get his pitty and attention, she knows in her heart what kind of guy he is and that he will never come back to my home or like me, and her low selfesteem thinks if she tries to talk to him about this that he will kick her to the curb, so there fore she plays into just what he thinks, and she goes right along with it, I know its crazy and I'm just at the point of throwing up my hands. She will learn when he gets tired of seeing her 24/7 and tells her she has to go, and she will learn with she is so in debt that it will take for ever to get out. Example, it was her birthday this week, he gave her a pick teddy bear(but she sayd I treat her like a baby) she takes 100.00 out of her checking to pay for her birthday dinner, she spent a total of 80.00in debit over the weekedn with him, fast food etc. so she has 2 weeks to go tell next payday and 65.00 left, not to include bounced cks last week, its insane, and I have to try and stop worring and she will learn, I pray for her safety and no trouble for her. With him anything could happen. He too is a very manipulating guy, and he chooses to be that way and not change..

[pkh1955]

And it truly has nothing to do with her making him think I'm so mean, and I treat her bad, its all a self centered immature guy who laughs at life, everything is a joke , if you laugh at him up in a floor acting dumb you will be his best friend. Has never ask me about her medical conditions as other guys have that's concern.. if he has not talk to his own mother in 5 yrs because of a argument what do you think I mean to him? As well as he holds grudges for ever. He talks to his dad on the phone like he is nobody I have heard that myself.

[westnlas]

Sorry, but you lost me when you said you let your daughter sleep with a man she is not married to in your house. My wife and I never let that happen and would not allow it today, even though my daughter is 40. She respects us too much to even ask. I cannot fathom this relationship at all, and my opinions certainly would be rejected out of hand.

[pkh1955]

Opinions

[talaniman]

She chose him. Not your business.