[BrokeninRI]

Saw her on Friday, we went out to dinner then she worked her part time job/hobby Saturday just as I did, we have that sport in common, we both referee, and went out of town that night. Have not heard from her since Saturday night except for the text message on Sunday "thanks, had a g8 day, got to run". She is a 2 hour drive away. 120 miles.

[talaniman]

She doesn't have a lot of time to stroke your ego, but may be receptive to your overture if they are thought out, timely, and not demanding. If its worth the risk, you'll see her next week at a mutual hobby right? How much distance is between you?

[BrokeninRI]

Talaniman,
Once in a while we referee together, but not anytime soon. I do not forsee it happening. No she does not strike my ego anymore, she is very blunt at time. I used to be complimented a lot, now they are one sided. THe only thing she said to me Friday right before I left is that I am a beautiful man inside and out. I feel like asking her out for Friday but not sure. She has not contacted me yet since returning from her trip. She is a 2 hour drive from me. Now I am willing to drive that everyday without a doubt. Previously I did mind the distance but now that I have realized how much I love her, I could careless.

[talaniman]

I feel like asking her out for Friday but not sure.

Ask her, if she refuses, back off. Long distance relationships are hard to manage either way it goes.

[starlite1]

Yes it is hard when you are about to propose pending your divorced being final, and that day you get an email about your mate being confused and needing space. Space turned to I do not want to be with you, I have no more romantic feeling for you.
Can being scared of a commitment cause such a withdrawal?

Hi Broken,

I would say yes. Sometimes people (men and women) can get scared of commitment, which would definitely cause a person to withdraw. I feel they withdraw because either they don't know what they really want, or they have gotten hurt in the past from a relationship, and haven't properly dealt with the issues.

[talaniman]

She wants friendship and companionship, you want more, but are moving to fast. Slowing down allows you to get to know her, and her you.

[BrokeninRI]

It is soooo difficult to see her and not talk to her about us, or tell her how much I miss her, or how much she means to me.
I need to start thinking before speaking and carefuly choose what I say. Would I be myself?

[BrokeninRI]

She sent me a link to a pro soccer game to buy a tix , telling me that she is going and that she bought her ticket. I wrote back "would you like me to go with you", she replies "what kind of question is that? go if you want to, don't go if you do not want to". I called her and she said "what kind of question is that?" I said all you had to say is "yes I want you to go".
I later emailed her a thank you note for the invite and a congrats on her appointment to officiate, she writes back "it was not an invitation, just an announcement"
CAN ANYONE MAKE SENSE OF THIS?
WHAT SHOULD I DO?

[bigbird213]

Talk to her about your relationship or lack of one.

To hell with being in limbo, figure it out once and for all...

If she says she doesn't know, then you decide - stay or go?

[BrokeninRI]

BB,
As you know last week we kissed, she can be very nice but sometimes very frustrated with me. I am not sure if she is struggling with her emotions, her decision, wants me to pursue her, give up on her or what.
Had it been me and I wanted to break up with someone, I would not want to be friends if I knew the person was really in love with me and hurting, I would not go out with them or take their calls, and lastly let them know of a soccer game that is 2 hours away from them so they could come and tell them it is not an invitation but just an announcement. What is she thinking? Does she know what she wants?

[BrokeninRI]

Do you see now why I started this blog titled "I AM CONFUSED"?
I do not know if I am coming or going. She always tries to cut me short when we talk on the phone, like she is fighting something.

[starlite1]

I agree with Bigbird,

I really am not getting too much of a positive reaction from how she answered your text. I would ask her straight out what she is feeling about the two of you, your relationship, etc. You sound really nice, Broken, and she is being rather cold.

[BrokeninRI]

She Says There Is No Hope And Does Not Want To Be With Me But Wants To Go Out And Take It A Date At A Time. But Again She Is Not Optimistic About Us.
Sorry About The Caps, Did Not Realize They Were On.

[BrokeninRI]

Oh and she does not want to talk about us, it frustrates her every time.

[starlite1]

She Says There Is No Hope And Does Not Want To Be With Me But Wants To Go Out And Take It A Date At A Time. But Again She Is Not Optimistic About Us.
Sorry About The Caps, Did Not Realize They Were On.

It seems that you want more than just a date at a time with this woman. That being said, I wouldn't go for this Broken. You are selling yourself short. It's not fair for her to have her cake and eat it too. You deserve better than this.

What were her reasons for saying 'she is not optimistic' about you two?

[BrokeninRI]

We are not compatible, I do not drink she loves to dring (39 year old) I felt like asking when will you grow up but I bite my tongue. I came to the US in 89, put myself through school, made the American dream come true for me, have 2 houses, a large single family I live in, also moved my handicapped mother in as well and a rental property that pays for itself. Yes I bought the big house before my previous marriage and it failed. To her the house is too big, I offered to downgrade to a smaller house. I worked 7 days a week to make ends meet and now (about 10 months ago) started a new job where I pretty much more than double my salary, I can afford what I have and afford to go on vacation for once, go camping, and enjoy the summer instead of running around the soccer field on weekend to make end meet. But she says I do not enjoy going on vacation I never considered it until she broke up with me. Although we have a lot of the same value and respect, and want the same, she is bothered by my lack of organization at home, I work a lot from the house, the unfinished work I am having done to the house, she prefers to go on vacation with that money instead of home improvement. She has a cute little house. The fact that I drink too much coke, and coffee, do not eat veggetable (much veggies), clothes not always in the hamper, clothes on the dresser (not anymore for hamper nad dresser, I am working on those), she is a clean freak. And I love that, she thinks it bothers me and it really does not. I admire it.

[BrokeninRI]

I also watch too much TV instead of reading like her. She hates the TV.

[BrokeninRI]

Oh and also she is not in love with me, she feel out of love. But a month ago she was willing to get pregnant so that she'd be before we got married.

[starlite1]

Hi Broken,

She sounds very selfish, all about her, her, her. Okay, when you love someone (my opinion) if they have little quirks (clothes aren't put away, doesn't eat a lot of veggies, etc), you don't run away, you (your ex I am referring to here) accept it, or if it bothers your ex, she can simply say that it bothers her, and it is up to you to correct or try and correct it (which obviously you are doing). She sounds controlling - her way or no way. Do you really want to be in a relationship like this? You have made a wonderful, successful life for yourself. You should be spending it with someone who appreciates you, and someone who is proud of you, not someone who wants to control you.

[starlite1]

oh and also she is not in love with me, she feel out of love. But a month ago she was willing to get pregnant so that she'd be before we got married.

No Way!! She is willing? Oh please! You can do so much better! She sounds like a control freak, and very self centered. And then she says she is not in love with you??