[Chery]

Sorry to be so blunt, but you have not let any inkling of our advice seep into your head or heart because you are soooo caught up in yourself and your anger.

All I know is that if she does not talk to him and stay angry, this is not going to take her anywhere. Staying angry forever with this guy is not going to let her give any other young man a chance either - which I think would be too bad.

We all have fears of rejection and pain, but if we don't try and clear the air, then we don't have much chance for happiness in the future and wind up bitter.

Just wanted to send a strong wake-up call. Hope it helps.


Anger and fear follows you everywhere unless you do something about it.

[purplewings]

If you feel that you love this guy, he is certainly worth another chance. He could have gone much further than just a kiss, but chose not to. Anyone can get carried away with a little too much alcohol. It happens all the time. I'd suggest that you really try to avoid alcohol in the future or at least keep an eye on your fellow to see how quickly it affects him. It may be a one time situation. Never throw away a love for a mistake.

[Ana_]

Thanks so much for your advice everyone! I really appreciate it.. to clear things up we are both in our mid twenties so not that young not to be able to handle alcohol. The way I found out was in a round about way because a girl came and told me what happened.. When I questioned him at first he denyd it and said its not true..

Only when I talked to him the next day when we were sober and I new exactly what had happened did he admit it. And he said that if I hadn't found out he probably would not have told me(I mentioned this in an earlier post). Other than that yes I know he feels really bad and he is a good guy so I will give him another chance. I was not trying to play games when I didn't talk to him for a few days I just needed time to think because I was still upset. The thing that gets to me is that somehow A LOT of people found out and everyone is saying that he actually had sex with her.. I know this is not true because I was there almost immediately when it happened and I know I should not let the gossip get to me its just it makes me sick thinking about it.

But we did talk about it last night and he is saying all the right things so I will give him another chance and try my best to move past this and let it go.. I love him too much not to.

[Chery]

Ana_,

So glad that you're not as angry as you were anymore. We all know what gossip can do, but I hope you won't let it get in the way of your chance to be happy if everything else in your relationship was good so far. There is so much you two can still learn and talk about with each other - without outside influence - and who knows what can happen. One plus I do see already, is that he is still there and wants to try - what more can a girl ask for. He knows he has to regain your trust and he's willing, or else he would not have contacted you again. So, for now, look at the positive side and have some fun.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

[Ana_]

I know everyone and every situation is different but in general how far should a relationship progress within the first 6 months? I'm 22 and he is 25...

Any comments would be helpful :)

[Clough]

Well, what has already happened in your relationship? Are you looking to get married? How did you meet? What sort of things do you like to do together? Is there something that you feel is going wrong with the relationship?

Just looking to find out where things might be at between the two of you...

[Ana_]

No nothing really wrong I was just wondering what is normal.. He goes away for work quite a bit but we talk nearly everyday and when he is here we hang out about 3 times a week.. movies/dinner etc. We never fight except for that once( details are in my other post if your interested) he has not said he loves me but has never said it to anyone before.. Said he feels like he could love me a lot in the future..

[Clough]

I'm glad to hear that there's not really something wrong. But, have you told him that you love him? If so, what has been his reaction or response, please?

Thanks!

[Ana_]

No I haven't told him really.. After what happened in my previous post I asked him if he loved me at which point he said he has never said it to anyone and that was the main reason that he broke up with his ex girlfriend ( she was in love with him but it didn't feel right for him). I then told him that I didn't feel like I loved him yet which was true then but that I felt I could love him a lot in the future. And he said that's how he feels as well.. This was about 2 months ago now :)

[Clough]

I haven't checked your previous post, but maybe that's something that really doesn't matter because maybe you need a fresh beginning here.

What sort of things draw the two of you together, please? There has to be something that is keeping you two together.

[Ana_]

Hmm surprisingly I haven't really thought about it before.. lol.Whats keeping us together? Well I think primarily there is a very intense physical attraction.. But we also get on really well we can talk for long periods about anything and it doesn't feel forced. I think the main reason we are still together is because we are both pretty easygoing and have a similar approach to life

[Clough]

I know that you're still online Ana_ and apparently still looking at this thread. But, I'm going to need to get going here because I haven't been to bed yet! Bad me! I would still like to work with you on your situation, but I'm sure that there will be others who will come along who can also offer very fine advice and suggestions for you!

If needed, I do know some people on this site whom I could alert to your thread who could also help you out. I invite people frequently to posts where extra, insightful help is needed. Please let me know if you would like me to invite them. Their advice would be excellent! I am very concerned about your welfare as well as the relationship that you are having!

[Clough]

Hmm surprizingly I havent really thought about it before..lol.Whats keeping us together? Well I think primarily there is a very intense physical attraction..But we also get on really well we can talk for long periods of time about anything and it doesnt feel forced. I think the main reason we are still together is because we are both pretty easygoing and have a similar approach to life

Thanks for the answer, and I will be sure to check back to see how things are going for you on the thread that you started!

[chuff]

It comes across like you almost want to rush this. He's being honest with you and that's great, you got yourself an honest guy. Appreciate it. He's wisely protecting his emotions and his future and not throwing around the word love like a horny high schooler. It has meaning to him and as such it's something you should appreciate when and if he does tell you. Right now, enjoy the time you spend and don't push him to soon. Remember in the game of love, patience wins.

[Ana_]

Thanks for your comments! Yes I think I have been rushing things a bit so will try and just go with the flow from now on :)

[talaniman]

Just my old fashion opinion:

1 day to 6 months, is dating, getting to know each other well enough to see if those strong feelings of attraction is just lust or may be more. At this point your both free to end it, or date others, with no bad feelings between you. Hopefully you haven't had sex yet, as your still strangers who are learning how to communicate, and learning each others ways, and getting comfortable. At this point sex complicates already intense feelings, and can blind you to things you need to pay attention to.

I have read your other post, and you seem to have dealt with it, so slow down, and talk, listen, and learn about each other.

Too much, to soon, crash, and burn!

[Ana_]

Hi I wanted your guys opinion on this situation.. If you read my previous posts you might get a clearer picture on the situation but long story short my boyfriend borderline cheated on me in the beginning of our relationship. I forgave him and decided to give him another chance.

Since this happened he has been (as far as I know) good. And that's the thing even though I'm supposed to have moved on I still constantly think about it! And am terrified that its going to happen again.. Even though I've forgiven him I can't forget! I always wonder if he's doing stuff behind my back and I really wish I could trust him.. And it doesn't help that he's away a lot because of work and lately while he has been here he hasn't been making as much of an effort as he used to..

I have told him how I feel and he's said he's sorry that I'm feeling this way and when he gets back from his work trip he will make more of an effort and that he "really enjoys spending time with me".. Ahh I know I should just relax.. We have been together for about 6 months.. But I drive myself crazy and I hate it. My previous relationship was horrible/pretty much emotionally abusive and I still have some lingering issues from it even though I have pretty much gotten over it.

Please can you guys give me some advice on how I can just relax.. I have backed off from my boyfriend a bit now sometimes I consider ending the relationship althogether just so I can have peace of mind.. But I do care for him and think we could have something special so I stick around.. I just wish I could be sure.. for example if he gave me some confirmation about how he feels about me.. But he's such a "tough" guy (doesnt really express his emotions much) so I feel like I'm always waiting.. wondering.. lol please any suggestions would be helpful..

[amie_vaught]

I believe that you need to do what is in your heart. I have had something similar happen. I am married and had my husband cheat on me. I cannot for give him but I am still in the relationship. I now hate him for everything that he has done, and as much as I say I forgive him I do not. I am now still in the relationship and I can not let it all go. I try really hard, but I do not think it is possible

[Ana_]

I feel like if he tried harder to make me feel like he cares about me then in time I could get over it.. But in saying that everything he does do just doesn't seem good enough to make up for it. The way it happened and the wayI found out was so horrible too.. All my friends were there and even though he didn't sleep with her he might as well have because it was just as bad..

I don't know what your situation is but with me and my boyfriend.. now we don't even talk about it anymore.. Like it never happened. I'm not really sure that after something like this happens the relationship can ever really recover? That innocence that was there before is gone now.. I don't know maybe I'm being too dramatic about it. But no matter how much I try and push it to the back of my mind I cant. Crappy thing is is that I think he is "the one".. but how can he be if he did this?

[talaniman]

While I understand the mistrust and insecurity, its your problem to solve, and not keep reliving those feelings to the point of it affecting this relationship. Let it go, and you may need some professional help to do that.

Dwelling on something so small, and making it a lot bigger, and holding on to it, is not healthy.