[damaged]

Wow... 3 yrs that's a long time!. but I'm glad you pulled through... I'm also glad to know that one day this won't hurt any longer... TIME is the key.. lol... thx for sharing :)

[HistorianChick]

My first true love pretty much left me at the altar.

I am a proponent of the belief that you know you're over someone when you can look back on the relationship and smile because it happened. Smile at the good times and fully appreciate the part of you that was in love with the person... because it is from that love that you've become who you are... a better person than who you were.

Having loved and lost is a part of life... its how you deal with it that makes all the difference in the world.

As for "time?" It took about 2 years. But I can honestly say that he was a beautiful part of my past. :)

[mrchef1110]

wow...3 yrs thats a long time!!..but im glad you pulled thru...I'm also glad to know that one day this won't hurt any longer...TIME is the key..lol...thx for sharing :)

The 3 year thing was mostly caused by lack of communication with those around me. I didn't share what I was going through with friends and family and as a result I got stuck in a bad state. I know now that this is a no no. Truth be told it still hurts to remember the things she said but now I take them with a grain of salt as obviously she wasn't the right girl for me because if she was she wouldn't have said such destructive things to such a young guy. So life lesson learned when life kicks you to the ground get back up smiling and once you can accomplish that nothing can keep you down.

[damaged]

Wow.. it just makes me scared right now thinking that I'd get over him in 1-2-3 yrss... thats too much time.. That's what bothers me the most about this break up thing.

[HistorianChick]

Let me revise my statement... I wasn't depressed and stressed out for two years. That was only the first month. What I meant when I said that it took me to years to "get over him" I was saying that it took two years to truly know that it was for the best... to be able to look back and with no tears, no regrets, no sorrow, truly say that I was happy... and smile.

I know that he and I were not right for each other. I knew that a few months after he disappeared. It was a horribly hard time for a few months, but you know what? The sun always came up, there was always a dawn after a teary night, and the skies always cleared up after the storms. Focus on that... the things that are not in your control that happen just because... it helps you realize that you CAN control the things in your life that you can... your heart, your emotions, your dreams, desires, wishes for the future... all these things you CAN control. When you feel that you can't? Just look up. The sun is always there.

Even when you can't see it. Its always there.

[plonak]

You can't worry about how long it's going to take or you're just going to get yourself in a rut

An AA quote is something I try to remind myself all the time "take it one day at a time" Don't think about how long it's going to take you to get better, don't think about the past, think about the present.. doing things to distract yourself is good, it's OK to distract yourself because when you finish whatever your doing, you're going to be remind of your current pain, and this will flow in you and you may cry a little, and that's OK, but after a little bit, go do something else to distract yourself.. and right there you have digested some of your heartbreak and you're that much further in your progress

[classicrocker]

We will, promise. I have talked to quite a few people about it, because I was feeling the same way you were. And the answer is always a resounding yes!!!! Not many people marry there first love, remember that!!!

Good to know, cause I'm looking forward to that feeling again!

[mrchef1110]

wow..it just makes me scared right now thinking that i'd get over him in 1-2-3 yrss...thats too much time..That's what bothers me the most about this break up thing.

It won't take you that long. Talk to your friends, especially the one you can tell anything to, don't under any circumstance get stuck. By that I mean don't let it fester, don't dwell on it, let it go and move on, that was my biggest issue. The words in my signature are actually what brought me out of that bad emotional state I was in.

What I went through was probably out of the norm and I exacerbated it by not sharing as I was afraid of showing weakness to friends and family, which in retrospect is what your friends and family are there to help you with. Learn from my mistakes. Feel what your going to feel and you will eventually get to a point where you just wash your hands of it and at that point everyday subsequent to that you will feel better and better.

Had I been able to find AMHD back when I was 14 I would probably be saying something else but such as life is you are going to live and you are going to learn.

[damaged]

Yea... I don't feel crappy all the time... I barely do... I don't cry like I used to... I'm not saying I'm perfect because I'm not but overall I feel pretty good... I know that me and him can't be together and seriously I don't want him back.. He's not the guy for me.. But what bothers me is that I still remember the good things we did... someone told me that prob I don't miss him, I miss what we had.. and I think its true... bc I really don't want HIM back.. but it bothers me A lot that I think about him & sometimes I get sad & cry... idk if you guys understand me..

& I'm sooo glad I found this site... bc my "friends" are always busy( I understand they have a life) so here everyone is always ready to advise & help you.. so this helps a lot!

[mrchef1110]

Well of course you think about him he was a big part of your life, but it sounds like you are in the right place to start moving forward. You have to remember that your feelings as of right now are going to be like that of a roller coaster. One moment your flying high feeling great about who you are and what your doing the next you think about all the good times with your ex, that is basically what it is to be human. Just be glad you can look back and see that you did have good times but more importantly make sure you know that this process has made you a stronger better person as times of crisis show whom we really are.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

yea...i don't feel crappy all the time...i barely do...I don't cry like i used to...I'm not saying im perfect because im not but overall i feel pretty good...i know that me and him can't be together and seriously i dont want him back..He's not the guy for me..But what bothers me is that i still remember the good things we did...someone told me that prob i dont miss him, i miss what we had..and i think its true...bc i really dont want HIM back..but it bothers me ALOT that i think about him & sometimes i get sad & cry...idk if you guys understand me..

& im sooo glad i found this site...bc my "friends" are always busy( i understand they have a life) so here everyone is always ready to advise & help you..so this helps a lot!

You nailed it on the head, you miss what you had and the feeling of being in a relationship. While you know you are not meant to be with this person you still love them, as you would anybody who was such a big part of your life. It's a mourning process, a small piece of you dies and it takes time for you to heal.

[damaged]

TIME.. I got to be patient!!

[sandra6]

I had a first love when I was 17 he meant the world to me but he didn't think excatly the same as me though. Which was really hard because we were seeing each other, he made me smile, but then a few months later he left me for his ex. I could have died there and then. It took me a couple of months to get over the hurt I met someone else the ex found out got jealous ( which I felt good at the time) but nothing else happened. A year later we meet up got talking had a bit of "hows your father" lol. Then parted we were friends for a long time, but in my heart I don't think I will ever forget him and still hold a torch for him. I seen him a couple a years ago and he was a complete mess but there was nothing I could do to help him. I still think about him to this day and that was 12 years ago. So yeah over time it all gets better and easier.

[enjay22]

I'm so sorry to say this, but its been about.. a yearish for me.
I'm still not over him.
but dating helps.
don't get involved in another relationship just yet.
but date.
keep your mind off him
it'll make u feel 10x better.
believe me!