[sandra6]

I'm sorry lowtax4eva but I disagree if it wasn't for Jay Mary wouldn't have had anyone to help her through this ordeal. He is a true friend to her and you don't find them much these days.

[jrsg]

Thanks for the advice lowtax4eva, but I disagree as well. I think her friendship is worth the drama in her life. And thanks Sandra6, for saying that I was a "true friend" to Mary. Its nice to hear that.

Anyway, I think she is interested in me too. The reason she broke up is because she didn't want me in the midde of all the John stuff. She said she still liked me, but didn't want me to have to deal with all the stress and b.s with John. I kind of did stay in the situation though (voluntarily), and played a supporting role to her. I'll wait for things to calm down, and see what happens.

But, once all the John stuff is over for sure , I will see if we can go on as boyfriend/girlfriend.

I have made the decision to ask her for us to get back together. Of course I won't do it until all the dust has settled. I will ask when I think things are right. Could be days, weeks, who knows. If she wants to just be friends, I'm fine with that too. We'll see how it goes.

Thanks for all the help Sandra6. :)

[sandra6]

Your welcome Jay and good luck keep in touch, let me know how things work out.

[jrsg]

Will do.
But, it may take a while... I don't know how long it will take to get things back on track for her and John.

But I will update!

[shellyjo68]

i'm sorry lowtax4eva but i disagree if it wasn't for Jay Mary wouldn't have had anyone to help her through this ordeal. He is a true friend to her and you don't find them much these days.

Lowtax is on the right track. Jay & Mary are only 16 and should be planning parties and having fun. Instead they are involved with an unstable man. If Mary won't cut the ties with him then maybe Jay should protect himself. Especially if they go through the many other steps suggested and she still holds on to this man (as friends or boyfriend--it doesn't sound like he understands the difference) then what is Jay to do? Spend his entire life trying to protect this girl from this creep?

[sandra6]

I know what you are saying but Mary has already decided not to be friends with John anymore. That way he can get help. Jay and Mary can now get on with being happy and have fun that they both deserve.

[jrsg]

Yeah, I'm not sure if Shellyjo68 or lowtax4eva had read the whole thread... and if they have, they don't understand the situation here. Thank you for wanting to help, but help is no longer needed.

We have already covered that
-Mary is ignoring Johns attempts to contact her (although he hasn't tried lately)
-Mary has basically said that John is not even a friend any longer, not after what has happened.
-John is getting help from the church, he has agreed to go back into counseling if necessary

So, what I see here is that THE PROBLEM HAS BEEN SOLVED! I mean, this isn't a discussion anymore...

Mary and me are fine. John is getting help. Mary and John don't see each other anymore. There is no more problem!

Please read the whole thread, and see that decisions have been made, and ALL issues have been resolved!

I thank you for wanting to help, but the issue has been resolved.
Sandra6 understands what is happening here, and she has helped me solve the issue. The issue has been solved!

[sandra6]

That's excatly what I thought. Keep in touch bye for now

[jrsg]

Hey,
Well, I've got to a half update...

We (Mary and I) have a really good friendship going right now, and I am really happy, and she is as well. John has not contacted Mary in the past 4 days now! And he is still receiving help from the church.

I actually just got off the phone with Mary, she called to ask about homework. She is nervous about a presentation she has to do tomorrow. I told her she would be fine; not to worry. Things like that. Anyway, the friend relationship we have right now is great. Maybe it will lead to something more again...

(Here I go analyzing again) but the fact that she called for support makes me think she knows I am here for her, for support. That makes me feel really good. That when she needs a friend to talk to, and to comfort her, that she comes to me.

I have yet to talk to her about getting back together though, but I think I will still leave it a little longer.

I will continue to keep in touch, this was, as I said, a half update. :)

[sandra6]

Thanks for the half update. How did Mary get on with the presentation. Glad your taking things little slower. I think when she is ready you will both be an amazing couple together. Really pleased things are going great for you both. Have you told Mary about what people have said here? Speak soon

[jrsg]

She did okay with the presentation. Public speaking has never been one of her strengths, but she did pretty good.

And thanks for saying that you think one day we will make an amazing couple together someday... when things like that are said to me, it makes me want to keep going. Like the light at the end of the tunnel is getting closer.

You have been really great here, Sandra6. Even just a simple thing like asking how her presentation went shows that you care, and are really giving some thought to my situation. I know I have thanked you countless times before, but I'll do it again. Thank you

But what do you mean when you ask if have I told her about what people have said here? I would just like a little clarification there. Thanks

[sandra6]

That's good I was never good at things like that either. Did you tell Mary you came on this site.

[jrsg]

Did you tell Mary you came on this site.

Should I? And why?

Something about me is that I am very quiet. I do whatever I can to keep myself from becoming vulnerable. I think me telling her that I came on this site asking for help will make me vulnerable. Maybe it sounds weird, but what if she says something like, "Thats creepy." Things like that really worry me.

But I am willing to put myself out there if you think it would help my situation.

[sandra6]

No I was just wondering. It doesn't sound weird I think its lovely your finding out what you can to help her. No is not being vulnerable. Don't worry yourself. No leave things as they are. If they get worse then mention it to her and tell her to talk to me or us if she wants to. But at the moment keep it to yourself.

[jrsg]

That's what I thought I should do, just leave it. Thanks, I will update you later on about what's happening.

[jrsg]

Another update:
She said that she wants to spend more time outside of school. Maybe the seeds of a new relationship are being planted. I'm just going with the flow, and everything seems to be working out. Two possible futures: 1. We get back together as boyfriend/girlfriend. 2. We become good friends. BOTH GREAT! I couldn't be happier.

When we boke up at first, I was worried things were going to be awkward between us. Really, things are better than ever. She wants to see each other outside of school, which shows she at least wants friendship.

A good day today.

[sandra6]

Hey things are really looking good for you. Take you own advice go with the flow and you can't go far wrong. Great to hear from you. It Does sound like things are moving the direction you would lke it to go in, which is brilliant. Thanks for the update. Speak soon

[jrsg]

Got a bad and sad update for you today,
She went back to him, and decided to go through with her plan. I tried to convince her otherwise, but she made her decision. All I can do now is support her. I was pissed off, and said something along the lines of "Now you're going to have to go through all this again. Dump him twice." She knows she should have held her ground, but she didn't. And this is where we are, so all I can do is support her.

Yesterday, he tried to kill himself again.
But what my ex and I are wondering is why? She went back to him, and he is getting what he wants. I think it is because of a couple of arguments they had, but I didn't say that to her, basically saying this is all her fault. So, he is in the crisis unit at a hospital for the next while. The priest took him (he tried to kill himself in the chapel at the church) to the crisis unit as soon as he found him. They say that these are real attempts, and not just for attention. He popped all the pills in some bottle, and sat in the church, to be close to god when he died. If the priest didn't find him, then he would've died for sure.

So, a big step back.
But, she has decided now is a good time to dump him for good. She says she wants to do it when he is in the crisis unit, where he can get the help and support he will need. She is also going to make sure that his best friend is there to look after him.
I will be there for her in all this, and I will make sure she actually breaks with him for good.
She comes to me to talk, so I would like to know what to say to her?

And please note, that he hasn't demonstrated any violence towards anybody but himself.

[kimdeelee]

Okay,
So my ex girlfriends ex boyfriend is suicidal. We will call the girlfriend 'Mary' and her ex boyfriend 'John,' and myslef 'Joe.'

Mary went out with John for 4 months. John loved Mary, to the point he was infatuated with her. However, Mary didn't feel that way about John. John is 21, Mary is 16, and I am 16 as well. John, being 21, wants marriage, kids, and a family life. Mary, being 16, just wants a little fun, and someone to trust and support her. Maybe a highschool sweetheart. I met Mary at school, and we became good friends quickly. I found out one day that she broke up with John. 2 weeks later, me and Mary were dating. Please note that I didn't ask for her to break up with him, she did it by her choice. So we went out for 2 weeks, then she dumped me. In a short version, John tried to kill himself when he figured out that Mary and I were dating. She wanted a break, which I completly agreed with, considering someone could die over our relationship...

So we are still good friends, and she talks to me about John.

John says that if Mary doesn't go back to him, then he will kill himself. John is really giving her no choice here. He even set up rules:
Some are: Mary can't break up with him, Mary can't be creeped out when John talks about kids and marriage, and things like that. She is going to agree, so the guy doesn't kill himself.
She plans to be a b**ch to him so that he dumps her. This will hopefully solve the problem. And make him stop loving her.

I should also mention that John was in counseling for suicidal thoughts before, and he recently stopped the meetings. He has been mentally evaluated, and they say he needs more counseling. He obviously does.

But what do you guys think I and Mary should do here? Is the plan to make John fall out of love with Mary a good one?

What are your opinions on this plan, and do you have any alternative ideas?
Thanks

I think mary needs to break it off with this guy if she really doesn't want to be with him don't play games with his feelings she may need to get a restraining order cause he may try to harm her or even worse u

[jrsg]

OKAY!
FULL, GOOD UPDATE!

First, Mary broke things off completely with John.
John left the church, which means No contact between them AT ALL
AND...
Me and Mary are back together!

Hopefully for a lot longer than 2 weeks this time... lol.

I am the happiest person on the earth right now.

Thanks you guys, especially Sandra6, for all the help and advice. I couldn't have done it without you.

Thanks again!