[Wildcat21]

She has no reason to love this guy. She needs to tell the whole story here. Then you will really understand. I am sorry, it's a really bad story and she needs to move on immediately. There is no reason for her to support this guy - literally none. He doesn't love her either, lies, cheats, steals.

[Depressed in MO]

I'm scared, very scared. I'm scared of never having anything, I'm afraid that I've ruined my life and there is no turning back. I'm worried about being alone and unhappy and my kids never being able to have anything because I can't make enough money on my own-I'm worried about them only having a mother and not a father-I worry that no one will ever give it a chance to see who I really am and what I am really about because I have children (wonderful, beautiful children). They are so innocent, it's not fair to them if I were to just think of myself at this point. I'm afraid of letting him go, him ending up successful (ex: nice cars, house, beautiful women, etc.) and I'm out here struggling-with my children. I'm only 25 years old. I know what people on the outside think-like when I am in grocery stores, or shopping at a department store-they think Oh god there is another one on welfare. That's just not me-hell I wish I could get some welfare, but I don't qualify. I know, I know-it's only what I think about myself-well the truth is-no matter how I may think of myself-If I were someone else looking at me from the outside-I would think the same thing (about what a loser I am for being so young and having brought children into the world and still not a clue in the world as to what I should have done in the first place)... Now tell me all the answers to that-and I just might have faith in something. But I already know-there are no answers.

[milliec]

There ARE answers!
Tell us more about your talents, your drerams, your aspirations,what are you doing for a living, any family you can reach out to?
Stop considering him!
If you get away from him, you'll save yourself AND your children
If he has big cars - you exactly how how's got them (I GUESS) not really in a honest way - otherwise - why prison.
Beautiful women - what's it to you? Even if they put a public show of a happy couple, you know how it's really like at home
A father?
He's ANYTHING but that. Better without than with - he'll have a terrible influence on your kids!
Do all you can to get away and stay away. Write more so that maybe, all of us together can find ways you might not see because of the situation you're in.
I really care and I'm sure so do the others.
Millie

[Wildcat21]

I just feel sad that you hang on to this guy. And he I know he is full of crap.

[Depressed in MO]

Ok-more about today-or last night rather. We have been waiting on a phone call back from the police (for yet another stupid pridicament he got himself into just last weekend). I have been pacing the floors and worrying myself to death over this-him as well. Well they call, he goes outside, he is on the phone for a half an hour. It's storming outside... He finally comes in and I ask him what he's doing-he said he's storm watching... OK, whatever. Then I ask him who he was talking to all that time, and he said he talked to his sister after he talked to the police. His sister? I got upset about that. Should I not have? I just thought we were closer than that and it hurt my feelings that he did not confide in me at least first. I am the one who he wants to take care of everything if he goes to prison, I am the one who always takes care of him when he goes. Why does he always put me last?I feel like he is hiding something from me because this is not what he would normally do. Well, my question is... Should I have not gotten upset about that? Or am I being selfish? Because for some reason, I feel kind of bad for getting upset-like maybe I shouldn't have. I still don't know what the police said to him... but his sister does. I feel sick.

[milliec]

I would feel sick too. And you're not being selfish, you just don't give enough consideration to yourself, you LET him push you around - I'm more and more convinced that you need HELP to build up some self esteem.
You must some a counsellor FAST
Take care of yourself,
Millie

[Depressed in MO]

I would feel sick too. and you're not being selfish, you just don't give enough consideration to yourself, you LET him push you around - i'm more and more convinced that you need HELP to build up some self esteem.
you must some a counsellor FAST
take care of yourself,
Millie

This morning he reminded me of how he has been coming home early lately and trying to do good-but I know he is only doing it temporarily because he might go to jail. How can I feel good about it? I don't know-should I just take the goodness that he is so called trying to do and be happy with it? I just don't trust that it will last. After he said all that he mentioned that even when he does good I am never satisfied. That really hurt. So when I tried to tell him that I knew he was only being "good" because he thought he was about to go to prison he was like "no it's because I want to be" and then he said "I don't want to talk about it anymore". I know it in my heart that he will be back to his old ways completely if he finds out he is NOT going to jail. I mean there is always that possibility that he won't, but.. who am I kidding?

[milliec]

He is NOT good.
People are'nt good/bad the way you toss a coin.
WHY are you still there? You obviously began to see through him - don't let him delude you anymore
Millie

[Depressed in MO]

He looked like his feelings were hurt this morning. The first thing he asked me this morning was if I meant what I said last night (I told him about how I felt about what he did with the police situation). I told him I meant most of it. Why do I feel bad? You know when you have that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you feel guilty about something? I feel that way. Maybe I could have handled it better, but I just have so much anger and resentment towards him. Maybe he is really trying, but I can't seem to let go of the past.

[milliec]

he is NOT good.
people are'nt good/bad the way you toss a coin.
WHY are you still there? you obviously began to see through him - don't let him delude you anymore
millie

In reply to your last message, I only have to stress what I've just said, and add that he's manipulating you.
Get a counsellor fast.
Millie

[Wildcat21]

Why on earth do you care about this guy? I STILL don't get it? You must enjoy the drama AND the MASSIVE amount of hurt he has brought. This guy should be kicked to the curb immediately. He plays you like a fiddle with his FAKE emotions. Ughhhhhhhh! I don't get it.

[fredg]

HI,
This guy is using you.
At 25 yrs old, with children, have you considered trying to better yourself at a job? Maybe take some night courses, or skills training? To get a better job?
I do know about not being on wellfare cause you don't qualify; had a friend who tried, but made too much money!
Check around in your local area, see what kind of training or skills classes you might attend. Since I don't know what you do for a living, it's hard to make suggestions.
But meantime, you do NOT need this person in your life. Things will not get better until you decide you want them to be better. Make a change today; you CAN do it.

[Depressed in MO]

I make too much money too Fred. (according to the government) Actually, I make nice money, but I have three children and day care costs take up a lot of my paycheck. I have plenty of training and experience-infact I just got a new job a little over a month ago (data analyst) so I am already on top of that.I've been to college and all that stuff-I just can't seem to get ahead.
So anyway that is what I currently do for a living.

Anyway, I appreciate everyone talking with me and trying to help me. I already know what I need to do, and eventually I will do it. My main purpose for coming here and talking about my situation is to help me make my decision final. Discussing certain situations will help me determine if I'm doing things wrong before I make the final decision to leave. I don't want to make a mistake that I can't turn around.

[milliec]

I

I already know what I need to do, and eventually I will do it. .

Dear,
Don't linger TOO long!
Good luck!
Millie:)

[Depressed in MO]

I know it might piss some of you off to hear some of my stories. But I feel like this little lost hopeless puppy. My heart is so huge and easily broken. I'm a big softie. I can't just stop loving someone. I know I need to Kick the dude to the curb, I know. But there is some kind of force holding me down telling me to not do it. At least not yet.

[Wildcat21]

DIO - I know for a fact that you are a huge Sweetheart. This guy doesn't deserve any loving. AND NOW, of course that he is in MASSIVE amounts of trouble - PROBABLY MORE than you know... he is all nice and needy... yet he STILL lies to you about it.

Actually, I am not sure I am of a worse boy friend.

[milliec]

I know it might piss some of you off to hear some of my stories. But I feel like this little lost hopeless puppy. My heart is so huge and easily broken. I'm a big softie. I can't just stop loving someone. I know I need to Kick the dude to the curb, I know. But there is some kind of force holding me down telling me to not do it. At least not yet.

It makes me sad to read your story, you need to make a decision and take that leap!
just don't wast your life.
he's using you when he needs you and takes advantage of your love and kindness
I just want to help you - I can listen as long as you need, but you must look reality straight in the eyes.
it's hard for us to acknowledge that we have to give up, it might make as if we failed, while we actually haven't- he's the one who failed, because he didn't value the gem you are, for what you are, and wasn't capable to cherish you as you deserve
he can't cherish anyone, his heart sees only him.
how does he treat his family?
keep on writing and gather all the help you can think of, and that includes us here!
bye dear, write soon
millie

[Depressed in MO]

DIO - I know for a fact that you are a huge Sweetheart. This guy doesn't deserve any loving. AND NOW, of course that he is in MASSIVE amounts of trouble - PROBABLY MORE than you know.....he is all nice and needy....yet he STILL lies to you about it.

Actually, I am not sure I am of a worse boy friend.

What do you mean by this last sentence Wildcat?

[Depressed in MO]

It makes me sad to read your story, you need to make a decision and take that leap!
just don't wast your life.
he's using you when he needs you and takes advantage of your love and kindness
i just want to help you - i can listen as long as you need, but you must look reality straight in the eyes.
it's hard for us to acknowledge that we have to give up, it might make as if we failed, while we actually haven't- he's the one who failed, because he didn't value the gem you are, for what you are, and wasn't capable to cherish you as you deserve
he can't cherish anyone, his heart sees only him.
how does he treat his family?
keep on writing and gather all the help you can think of, and that includes us here!
bye dear, write soon
millie

Another thing I'm afraid of letting him go is what if he does get upset and cries or begs (or however he may do it) to come back? I'm afraid that I won't be strong enough to say no; therefore I wasted a lot of time and money and heartache breaking up with him in the first place.

[Jayjay027]

If he begs and pleads... think about all the crap he's put you through in the past - think about your children, and the emotional damage they might be going through because of your rocky relationship with him.
Children can pick up on things like that - and it does affect them.

You need to be strong - you seem like such a sweet person and you deserve better, and better IS out there. Don't settle for someone who you are unhappy with. Take care of you and your children, and don't let his temporary good behaviour change your mind.

Good luck, I hope all works out for you and your children.