[jrsg]

I married a greek girl, so that makes me half greek.

She says it doesn't work that way. I don't care, I say I'm half greek now. Deal with it. (smug)

So if I bring up the Euro 2008 game today between Greece and Sweden, will you be offended? If you are, then you really are Greek! Haha, Go Sweden! Just joking JB, lol.

[talaniman]

I would strongly suggest you no get overly emotionally invested, until you have know each other a longer time. Why can't you just enjoy the getting to know each other, and not get all caught up in future stuff just yet.

Whats the freakin' hurry, to define something that's in its early stages of development??

[brkfstatiffs]

Guys - just want your opinion. I've been dating a guy now for 2.5 months, for some reason I still feel like he should be the one to call most of the time, make the plans etc. But after how long of dating do you think it's okay for the girl to start initiating plans etc. I personally feel like he is getting comfy in what we have going on and instead of making plans in advance like he used too, now it's kind of call last minute and see what's up. I started thinking maybe he wants me to call more and ask him what he's up too there is nothing wrong with that right? Man, I hate the dating game sometimes.
Also, what are your thoughts about not talking everyday? I am very used to talking to guys I date everyday when things are moving in the right direction and then sometimes I don't hear from him so I'll call him and he'll always call me back, so it's not like he doesn't want to not talk... but it's just odd to me. I always think why hasn't he called? He has time to watch sports haha.

[JBeaucaire]

At two months things are supposed to be changing. You calling him and making plans are just as reasonable a change as anything.

Also, pay attention. You're coming into the months where you are going to start seeing who this guy really is. The "honeymoon" months are ending and familiarity will tempt you both to start misbehaving.

That's fine, everyone does it. The key is to observe who you each are when that misbehavin' is going on. You want your guy to be attentive and creative, you want your relationship to growing, growing, growing. Too often, your FEELINGS are growing, but the relationship really isn't, and you just ignore it.

Don't ignore what's really going on.

Also, you DO have a lot of other "free time" activities don't you? THings that occur with regularity and don't include him? He REALLY needs to see you as a vibrant and involved woman who he can't just call on the drop of a dime and you're available.

You need to tell him, "I have plans tonight, (tomorrow, Saturday morning), but I'm free at 8pm? Want to buy me dinner then!?" This needs to happen with regularity, and no apologies. He should have stuff going on, too.

You guys be careful, you're a PART of each other's lives, don't let each other become THE PART of everything, not this soon.

[Nestorian]

Try not to be so conscerned with what you should and shouldn't do, if you live for him you don't live, for you can only make one person on this whole earth happy, and that is you. YOu can't control any one else, so don't let them control you. YOu may get angree with them for oyu trying to play to the please of their calling and forget your own...

Why not make plans with him, if he's not in to it, then that's your answer. No questions, because I don't think any one particular should be "calling the shots", or taking control. A relationship is the coming together of two, and a partnership. It only works if two are in it, giving and taking. I'm not saying every one should be like that right away, but being considerate of one another is one thing, but if one is calling all the shots then it seems a little one sided eh?

May love and kindness be with you.

[brkfstatiffs]

I met the guy I've been dating (we aren't exclusive yet but so far things are going well) off an online site. We have been going out almost 3 months. Recently he seems a little distant lately, and I can't quite seem to put my finger on it, but my gut is telling me it's just because he has a lot on his plate, work,$, family stuff. So I've been trying to give him his space, but I'm a girl and girls tend to take "space" "im stressed out" personally. How do I let him know I feel like I want to spend more time w/ him without making him feel overwhelmed? I guess I just want to know if this is going to last or what. I think we both want that, but he has so much on his plate right now that it all gets confusing and I tend to go home at night frustrated. The second part to my post - how do I mention to him to see if he is still active on the dating site we met on? I checked it a couple weeks back and he was not active in a week or so, and lately when I check it everynow and then, he is on it every 24 hrs. He could just be bored and browsing, while I don't care that much about it, I'm starting to get a little curious since it has been a few months now.
Suggestions? I'm confused... damn emotions.

[progunr]

I'd say trust your gut, it is usually correct.

If he is still "active" on the dating site, I would have to say that there are many other places to deal with boredom, and that his idea of this relationship, is much different than yours.

[brkfstatiffs]

I'd say trust your gut, it is usually correct.

If he is still "active" on the dating site, I would have to say that there are many other places to deal with boredom, and that his idea of this relationship, is much different than yours.

Thanks, I am going with my gut for sure. I guess I look at the dating site the same way I do when I go out with my friends. Since I'm technically still single, I do browse and talk to guys. I'm not necessarily searching as much, but until we make things solid I am open. So I feel like I don't really have a place to ask about the dating site, until we get to that point... and my gut says we are slowly getting there. Make sense?

[progunr]

OK.

The statement here that you too are still active on the dating site adds a new dimension to the situation.

As long as you feel you are moving in the right direction, then ride the wind towards your goal.

Given that new piece of information, heck no you can't ask him to get off the dating site that you are still active on too!

Good luck to the both of you!

[sokay]

To progunr,

"I guess I look at the dating site the same way i do when i go out with my friends. Since I'm technically still single, I do browse and talk to guys."

I think she said when she goes out with her friends she is open to speaking with men. She didn't make any reference to actively seeking them out on a dating site as he is doing. OP?

[brkfstatiffs]

I'm not still active on the site because my subscription ran out. I think you may have read that wrong. I was trying to say that when I go out with my girlfriends, because he and I haven't talked about anything exclusive, I too am open to meeting new guys until we make sh_t more exclusive. But you are right, my gut is telling me I'm still the main lady on his mind, so I shouldn't sweat it just yet.

[sokay]

The guy I'm just breaking up with after nearly 9 months we were in an exclusive (I guess.. ) relationship. We met elsewhere, not online. He had told me that he had tried dating sites before we were together, so of course I went and checked if he had taken them down. He had not. He had some profiles even with his picture on some dating sites. He was listed as single. Its weird to see your boyfriend on there looking for women. He never did take them down. I never mentioned anything to him that I knew they were there. I checked once in a while and he hadn't been active for a long time, so I figured if he had been 'active' I would confront him.

In our case though there were also lots of other problems, sad to say this was the 'least' of them.

Your man is actively searching for dates on a dating site. Well it's early on. But at three months it seems like you have a right to a 'heads up' as to whether you're exclusive or not.

[progunr]

to progunr,

"I guess I look at the dating site the same way i do when i go out with my friends. Since im technically still single, I do browse and talk to guys."

I think she said when she goes out with her friends she is open to speaking with men. She didn't make any reference to actively seeking them out on a dating site as he is doing. OP?

I did read the reply rather quickly, I am guilty of that from time to time.

The original post sounded like this was supposed to be an exclusive relationship, at least in the posters mind, and she wanted to know if he felt the same.

While saying that "he" was still active on the site, to me indicated that she was not, and that while she may have found who she wants to be with forever, he "may" still be looking.

Now it is clear, neither one has made any indication to the other that this is an exclusive relationship, so as it stands right now, they are both free to see or date anyone they want to.

So, to the poster, if you want this to be exclusive, you need to let him know that.

If he feels smothered, and breaks it off, then you have your answer, and you can move on.

Better to really know where you stand, than to keep hoping and guessing.

[liz28]

If you feel he has too much on his plate right now, why do you want to be exclusive with him.

It seems that he is keeping his options open and so should you. Sometimes when people date they date more than one person. Also, for some people, those kinds of sites are addictive and they always browse to see who new or who else they can meet.

I'd say go out and mingle and meet someone who wants the same thing as you. Also,your intincts are always right so always follow it. Leave him on the website looking for girls.

[sokay]

Tend to agree with liz here, sounds like he may be keeping his options open. Wonder if you could casually ask him if he's still trying to meet people on that site? See what he says. If he's keeping his options open still at three months then yeah, he's not smitten enough. You need a man who likes you more than that.

If he's just been looking more from boredom, and says he's not interested in meeting other women and he stops it, then you can keep trying with him.

[talaniman]

Just my opinion 3 months is much to early for making or defining a relationship. What ever happened to just having fun getting to know each other with no strings attached? If your hitting it off better in say 3-4 more months then it should be discussed and mutually agreed upon to be exclusive.

There is no need to put undo pressure on a young dating partner at this point in time though. What's the hurry to get to another level, when you haven't explored this one yet?

[brkfstatiffs]

Thanks everyone. I guess I'm just really confused why men seem distant when they get stressed out.

[brkfstatiffs]

I'm sure some of you have been following my posts lol. But I just have a simple question... why do men in the dating world tend to back away or seem a little distant when they are stressed out with stuff? What can us girls do to give them space but still remind them we want to be there? I have been seeing someone who I really want to continue seeing, but lately he has been stressed and I feel like I don't know how to react without taking it personally He stills calls me etc we talk daily, but we haven't been hanging as much and I think it's because he is so stressed. I'm confused. It's hard because I want to keep spending time with him, but I don't want to seem like that needy girl in the middle of his stress. You know what I mean? Help... opinions please?

[mimi03]

How long have you been seeing him?

My boyfriend was like this initially, whenever he had a problem he'd get all down in the dumps and keep it inside. He still wanted to hangout talk etc but it wasn't the same because it was obvious there was something wrong with him.

When you care about someone I think it's natural to want to fix their problems to make them feel or get to a better place.

I noticed that my attempts of trying to just be joyful and doing things and going places didn't work depending on the issue so I learned to give him space... meanwhile I'd take a few days out of the week to show him that I was there for him whenever he wanted to talk or when he'd worked his problem out.

During this time we had breakfast together a lot of mornings but during his sad times I'd just cook his favorite breakfast take it to him and give him big hug and leave... or send a simple text message: "I'm pulling for you to get through this! I love You!"... also on the internet you can find or create the cutest e-cards some even allow you to put a music in it, this will surely put a smile on his face... my boyfriend sent me one recently and it was a nice warm starter for my day!

Anyway the small things mean a lot, don't press for to lean on your shoulder and vent if that's not the way he copes.

By the way my boyfriend and I are so much closer now, we talk about everything and he's finally comfortable enough to lean on my shoulder and vent... so maybe it'll take some time but definitely try the above.

Sorry So Long!

[talaniman]

That's the way we deal with things, especially when it comes to feelings we have. You just have to be patient, and get to know us better.