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jolienoire · Mar 21, 2008, 12:57 PM

Originally Posted by confused2345

I hope with time I'll become more independent and find happiness in other things and myself.

YOU will! Don't say I hope say I WILL BE more INDEPENDENT and be HAPPY. Say it that way I will be happy with myself, I will do the things I like. Keep saying it to yourself.

I'm definitely not used to that so I hope I can allow myself to find that happiness

Well this is a perfect oppurtunity to make a change, the way you were was not working for you or your relationship, so maybe its time for you to rethink your strategy. Be happy with yourself, that way your not jaded by the validation of your partner(s) happiness.. Trust me it will get better, day by day.. Trust me..

Smoked · Mar 21, 2008, 01:34 PM

We as people take a lot of comfort in our routine. He has been part of your life for more then a year making him a very predominate part of your life during that time. So, it will take a bit of time for you to get used to not having him around. It's always sad at first. Seems to be unbearable. With a little time you will be happier and better off from the sound of things.

confused2345 · Mar 23, 2008, 09:21 AM

I realized this is going to be harder than I thought.

I wake up every morning so confused.
He broke up with me because of our parents- which can be fixed, but he won't even pick up or return my messages. He told me he wanted to work on the relationship and he told me even after all the ups and downs, he was still here with me and wasn't going anywhere. I don't understand how he let go so easily. Then there's the part where he made me feel so insignificant in his life. He wouldn't call me and the only time he showed me any attention was when he was with me in person. He didn't do anything romantic. I wasn't too demanding and I never asked for anything. I'm a simple person who just wanted mutual love and effort from him.

I'm really confused because I still love him like crazy. I don't know why I do. I don't understand how I can love someone that has been so mean to me. I want us to work and at the same time I don't want to keep getting hurt. I want him to realize how great I was. Will he realize that? I want to clear things up with him but Im afraid of contacting him.

Please help. I'm so heartbroken. I thought I was strong, but I'm not. I hate having these emotions every single day.

confused2345 · Mar 24, 2008, 04:22 PM

Anyone?

jolienoire · Mar 24, 2008, 04:25 PM

Originally Posted by confused2345

Anyone?

Read this https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...ck-187766.html

confused2345 · Mar 24, 2008, 05:05 PM

The article is very true. I'm just finding it so hard to let go. I'm taking it a day at a time and I'm not contacting him, yet I keep thinking about him.

jolienoire · Mar 24, 2008, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by confused2345

The article is very true. I'm just finding it so hard to let go. I'm taking it a day at a time and I'm not contacting him, yet I keep thinking about him.

That is natural, you can't just forget about him over night, but don't loose focus as to what he is telling you and what is more important, that is your hapiness. As long as you refrain from contact with him when he clearly doesn't want to be in this relationship. Its normal to have him in your mind, day by day will get better trust me, I've been where you were...

talaniman · Mar 24, 2008, 05:50 PM

It will take time, and action on your part. You can't forget what you've had for a year, overnight, and we all know what your going through. You are not alone at all, and sorry I can't spare you the pain of rebuilding the hole in your soul. Please read the links in my signature, and then you may see what you need to do, to get down the road. Read them all, and you'll see how others have done, what your trying to do.

confused2345 · Apr 1, 2008, 05:07 PM

Its been 2.5 weeks. I haven't contacted him and he hasn't contacted me. I wrote out a long email about how I felt. I didn't ask him to come back but I just told him how he made me feel over the years. I was honest in the email. I want to send it to him but I don't know what the consequence would be. I don't know how he'll react, but it bothers me that he hasn't contacted me. When should I send the email?

Any Advice?

talaniman · Apr 1, 2008, 05:54 PM

I don't know how he'll react, but it bothers me that he hasn't contacted me. When should I send the email?

NEVER!! Keep no contact.

nickshehe · Apr 1, 2008, 06:31 PM

I did exactly the same thing as you did.. except I actually sent the e-mail to my ex. Even stating that I wasn't begging her to come back and how she made me felt and how I have to move on now even though part of me wants to be with her.. It was a letter I wrote over the days, and even though it wasn't sappy it was emotional enough to make any stranger cry or feel something..
I sent it and then would sit around my computer and refresh my inbox in hopes that she would reply.. she never did.. this made me even angrier, how a person who was so passionate about us in the past could simply turn cold overnight.. She talked to me on msn about a week later but made no mention of the things I said in the e-mail or anything, it was as if I never sent it... I insisted though and tried to talk to her about us only to find out that there was no hope left in her for us at all..
So from my experience Im agreeing with talaniman as I always do and I suggest against sending it.. It will only make you anxious about when he replies if he ever does..
He doesn't need to read an e-mail about how you feel for him to regret his decisions.. It will only make him more assured that he can have you back when he wants so he won't think about things at all... Don't contact him and if he regrets his decision he will contact you some day.. But don't hold your breath, try your best to move on even though its difficult.
I'm in your shoes as well, take one day at a time and we'll both be all right don't worry about it.

workedtoohard · Apr 1, 2008, 06:37 PM

I know how you feel. You just have to let them know your feelings. Well he didn't care about them in the relationship so why would they care when it is over? Also contacting them is a sign of weakness (a stronger person wouldn't be upset). I am not trying to act strong, I had to learn the hard way.

confused2345 · Apr 2, 2008, 04:05 PM

I agree with you guys. I know for a fact that he will not respond to the email so I wouldn't even anticipate it. I have thought about the fact that if I did email him, he won't think things through as much or he'll feel I'm still waiting around for him. I want him to miss me. I miss him a lot and want things to work for some reason.

confused2345 · Apr 16, 2008, 04:36 PM

Its been about 5 weeks and I haven't talked to him. Its getting so hard as my birthday is approaching. I am not going to lie to myself and say that I don't expect him to call me. If he doesn't I will be hurt. I'm still down and a day doesn't go by where I don't think about us. Why is this so hard and painful?

O_Troubles · Apr 16, 2008, 04:55 PM

Obviously you won't have a hard time moving on, because you'll find a better guy right away.. . right? I think you wanted it to work so much and now its over and that makes you sad, but at least now you don't have to waste your time. And honestly mabie you'll miss cuddleing or after 1.5yrs you'll miss the constantness of a compainion... wait he didn't give you thoes thinigs in the first place... why are you sad?

I'm sorry I'm a little harsh and biasted right now but you don't have it that bad you hadda boyfriend, so get rid of him its not that hard... I'll stop now or else I'll make a pity post haha

confused2345 · Apr 16, 2008, 05:09 PM

Thank O'Trouble.

I feel like I need to hear the harsh truth. I know it but I'm in denial. I think it was the comfort and attachement for so many years. He was perfect in person, but he didn't give me any attention when he was away. That hurt the most because he knew I needed that. I know I'm better off without him, but I wish he wasn't the way he was- I have no control over how a person is.

As for finding another guy, I find myself just wanting to be alone- I don't want to date or look for any guy. Please say all you have to say regarding this... I would truly appreciate it. My mind knows I'm way better off without him and his emotional abuse, but my heart just can't stop missing him.

O_Troubles · Apr 16, 2008, 05:26 PM

I'm going to make this short and sweet. If you lived with a guy and were engaged and he dumped you and you still loved him and he cleared you out of his life in 4 days how would you feel (p.s. he was such a sweetheart) depressed sad lonely missing his touch OK so I get where your coming from on the other hand do you want to be in my shoes? Id gladly trade I wouldn't talk to that , I wouldn't want him back id go find myself as a single hot women and upgrade men! Lol my situation sucks just as bad as yous but I'm still moving on better then you are. As fer finding another guy if its to soon OK have a girls night have fun find yourself do things https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html I personally am going voulenteering for 2 months to the rockie mountans... that sounds better then mopping around doesn't it. You'll know when you feel right to date again... all the luck in the world girl!

BMI · Apr 17, 2008, 10:10 AM

Its tough now because your used to him, to SOMEONE being with you. What you are doing now is common post break-up, romaticizing the relationship, making it seem like it was great and the loss is so unbearable. It is a very important time right now, it where you can learn a lot about yourself, grow stronger through the hurt, or let it pass and do nothing but try with him again. It's akin to an addict or alcoholic beginning his journey as a sober person. At first it is the most difficult, you feel terrible, you hurt, you miss your "friend", the substance it the only thing that will take away your pain, but it is bad for you, and it will not make you happy, it will only bring you down. So you can either choose to fight the urge or give into it.

Re-read your post and single out the part about the last 1.5 years being horrible, multiply those 1.5 years by the rest of your years and you may very well have an insight as to how the rest of your life will be with this guy providing nothing has changed. Not a prettty picture.

confused2345 · Apr 17, 2008, 11:29 AM

Thanks BMI and O Trouble,

I have my ups and downs. I know that he's not the best guy for me. But we grew attached for 5 years. I guess the most hurtful part is that he doesn't care about me anymore. He did just take me out of his life like I didn't matter to him.

You guys make me feel so much better. Everything you say is exactly how I feel. I really appreciate your help and advice. Please keep them coming. I had a big Low point last night.

O_Troubles · Apr 17, 2008, 11:39 AM

Seriously did you check out the link I sent you? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...kup-78597.html
Also whens your birthday because mines coming up in less then a week to and I'm pretty sure all your thinking is what a horrible birthday gift from him to dump me, or all I want is him back well how about an animal. Depending on your situation it will take up your time and love. Or again that link there are some crazy voulenteer oppertunitys out there or books to read or places to party. So get away from thoes low points just remember everyone on this thread has your back!!