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Clough · Mar 5, 2008, 05:12 AM

Okay. Now, you're back on...

Clough · Mar 5, 2008, 05:12 AM

What are some of things that the two of you fight about, please?

Sweets1001 · Mar 5, 2008, 05:15 AM

I am at work right now and just switched computers, but I don't think that we are on the same time zone my actual time is 6:15am

Clough · Mar 5, 2008, 05:17 AM

You are in Lincoln, Nebraska. Correct?

Sweets1001 · Mar 5, 2008, 05:21 AM

The only thing right now that comes to mind is stupid things like how slow I've responded to him or why I did something the way that I did-I know that's vague but that's what comes to mind and because to me all of our fights have been worthless and I will not put too much energy into them.

Sweets1001 · Mar 5, 2008, 05:24 AM

Yeah Lincoln, NE
(To your question)I know that sounds bad because I am sure that when he is mad or he arguing with me he feels strongly about the topic but I guess I just feel attacked.

abhikoushik · Mar 5, 2008, 05:28 AM

Be confident

Clough · Mar 5, 2008, 05:33 AM

It is 6:31 A.M. where I am. I haven't been to sleep yet. I am assuming that you have had a good nights sleep, since you are already at work?

I would like for you to think about asking questions of him that have to do with you having a challenge with such-and-such a thing and that he is the only one who can help you with your problem. Asking a thing in such a way as that makes him think that he is being big and important with helping you with the problem that you are having (even though it might not be your problem only) and by doing so, you are not being intimidating to him in any way because he will think that he can be part of the solution to your problem. Asking a thing in such a way is part of winning without intimidation!

I will also call in a couple of other people to your post, if you would like, who would be great advisers as to the problems that you are having.

What do you think? I am just here to help...

Sweets1001 · Mar 5, 2008, 05:38 AM

Oh I didn't realize that we WERE in the same time zone. I actually haven't been to sleep either I work overnights and will be off in about 20min.

I might try that and sure pass me on I like all the advice that I can get.

Clough · Mar 5, 2008, 05:42 AM

Would you be open to reading a book on the subject of winning others to your way of thinking without intimidating them in order to achieve a win-win situation? I do it all of the time. We are all salespeople when it comes down to it. I and we have to sell ourselves in whatever situation if we want to be successful.

Sweets1001 · Mar 5, 2008, 05:43 AM

I don't know I don't read too much. What is it called?

Clough · Mar 5, 2008, 05:47 AM

It's an easy read. Here is the link. Burg Communications, Inc. Shopping Cart: Winning Without Intimidation (ebook)

You can also get it at regular bookstores or check it out from a library. It would be worthwhile for you to read. The techniques used in it do work great for interpersonal as well as business relationships!

Clough · Mar 5, 2008, 05:52 AM

I will let some others know about your post so that you can get some additional advice.

talaniman · Mar 5, 2008, 10:38 AM

One suggestion, is breaking your talks down to specific concern, as it may help to stay focused on one topic, to avoid going all over the place. I can say that we men are fixers, and don't respond to anything we feel is intimidating, as a females emotions. Matter of fact, expressions work best, and the way its presented trumps the way you feel, as we are easily threatened or tend to act in anger, or frustration when we don't understand. It also could help your confidence to pick your battles carefully, and when we are most relaxed, and satisfied, for example after a hard days work, talking to a man before he unwinds is a disaster. You are both so young, and still learning each other, and it takes time, so patients is what you should strive for, as it took me YEARS to understand what my wife was saying, and how best to respond, so take your time, and when talking give him a chance to think before just running all your feelings at him at once. Today, I know sometimes, I just need to shut up and let her vent as she doesn't expect me to answer, nor does she need my advice. So know it takes a lot of time, before we are TRAINED to deal with our females and I imagine that's what he needs, so don't take his reactions personally, as he is dealing with himself also. Clough has asked you some great questions, so do not be afraid to express yourself, but temper it with the knowledge us men are idiots, when it comes to communications, so be patient with us. We can fix the car, and even learn to take out the garbage, but talking to a female, is even harder. Heck, listening is a big job to our poor brains. I'd rather paint the house. Does he have sisters??

Sweets1001 · Mar 6, 2008, 05:12 AM

Nope no sisters and I've heard him many times say "your so emotional" or something else with female characteristics and not understand where I'm coming from so I agree with you on the men not understanding their women so I will try to see things in his point of view as well

Sweets1001 · Mar 6, 2008, 05:17 AM

I understand that things are not always going to be perfect and I think that sometimes that's what I am looking for and I also know that my boyfriend can't read my mind, so I shouldn't get upset if he doesn't understand me when I haven't said anything.

Clough · Mar 6, 2008, 03:39 PM

You are already starting to change your thinking around to a more proactive rather than reactive way. That is good! You are learning. We are never through learning. Each situation and the people that encounter in any given situation might require us to change how we view and react to the situations and people in order for us to be successful in our relationships.