[Alty]

J9-I do agree to some degree (great, now I'm rhyming). My concern is that we are not the only ones giving our children information, so are their friends.

Another thing that we didn't have to deal with when we were younger is the internet. Although there is allot of valid information on the net there is also allot of misinformation and smut. Wait, I know what you are going to say, make sure that your kids don't have access to the internet. Well, our public library has internet access, so do their schools, or the friends that they visit whose parents might not be as diligent as we are. It's a scary world out there and as the mother of a 5 and 9 years old it terrifies me that they will go to their friends instead of me. I talk to my kids about everything (within reason, they are still to young for allot of topics) and I try to explain to them the difference between right and wrong, good and bad. I tell them all the time that I will always tell them the truth, listen to what they are saying and be objective. I also tell them "Knowone loves you as much as mommy and daddy do, not your friends, heck not even our dog, please realize that when we tell you something we are only looking out for your best interests, it may not be what you want to hear but it will be the truth."

The reason I started this post was in the hopes that even one teen would read it and realize the consequences of their actions. Maybe I went about it wrong, but I really am trying to get through to the teens that maybe don't have anyone else to turn to. If I can get through to even one then it will be worth it.

[Alty]

I do see where this message might be offensive to someone who is single and pregnant, and not planning on having an abortion.

I understand the point that was trying to be made, and in the proper place, it might be less offensive.

Would you all think it proper to force this message on a classroom of pregnant teens?

I hope not, but there was little or no explanation as to what or who the topic was intended, and I believe that led to some feelings that you were attacking expectant teens by use of what their baby was telling them...

Not a very nice message when you consider it from that perspective.

I did not say Hi I am your unborn child I said Hypothetical Child. In other words, a child that has yet to be conceived. I thought that I was very clear. This post was supposed to be a wake up call to all the teen out there having or considering having unprotected sex.

The post was very clear, memo to all sexually active teens, not pregnant teens.

Am I being clear yet or is it still cloudy?

[oneguyinohio]

Well, again I want to say I understand what your aim was. Sexually active teens can also be pregnant teens... and may have felt invited to read the thread, only to feel attacked by it.

If I said, Hi I am your hypothetical mother... I resented spending time and money on you, would you at least think "Excuse me? Who the H- are you?"

Hypothetical asks the reader to suppose that something is real... and in the case of a pregnant teen, it is real.

I'm not against your idea or intention for the thread, I'm just trying to explain why a previous poster may have given the reaction that you got. I know they posted another thread expressing upset feelings.

[Alty]

Yes, the person who was upset by this post has two other threads. The first voiced concern about someone taking away her child after it was born, the other was because I stopped accepting the hate mail she was sending me (I won't get into what was said but it has now been stopped) and she still wanted to rant at me. I wasn't at all mean to her on her post, but after learning that she isn't working etc. I made a suggestion, and she didn't like it. I never said that she was unfit to be a mother, I simply said that she shouldn't only think about herself, but also of her unborn child. Loving something doesn't necessarily mean keeping it, sometimes the biggest act of Love is to give your child away so that it can have a better life. Most of the teens I've talked to want a child because they think it will be something that will give them unconditional love. They have no idea what the reality is. This thread was meant as a dose of reality.

I do not wish to upset anyone, I know that you realize that oneguy and I hope that everyone else does too. If this leads to an educated discussion than great, if all it leads to is ranting and raving then boo on me. I was hoping this would spark something in people. I was also hoping that a teen would read it and a light would go on. Maybe I'm wrong but I had to try.

[godsbabygirl267]

Can I tell you all a big secret? I was that hypothetical child about 13 years ago and honestly, I almost wish my mom had waited a while. Not so much because then I wouldn't exist but any how. I was the unexpected baby my mom got pregnant with me when she was 17. When I was born, her and my dad split up because they fought so much and couldn't stand each other much less a baby. I think I tore them apart more because neither were financially stable. I think that if people like are on this website were around my mom when she was younger then she might have thought twice about sex and maybe her life would have turned out better. She could have gone to college, finished her life, etc. of course there is always the upside. She did do drugs before I came about and I made her stop. She also did some other questionable things and I prevented them. I may have saved her life. She always does say that I'm the best thing she ever did. I guess we'll never know.

[oneguyinohio]

I think I tore them apart more ....

I have a ten year old son, and my divorce happened when my son was under 3 years old. He is ten now, and has asked if he caused us to divorce.

The answer is a flat out "NO WAY"

The issues that caused the problem had nothing to do with him. Instead, there were issues involving one parent not feeling fulfilled in life, feeling trapped in the situation, and believing that the only way to change things was to be single and focus on personal life goals.

Please do not take on the blame for something like that. There are so many other possible reasons for your parents problems. Financial issues with your arrival should not get the blame. Poor people often stay together after having children, so it is not a babies fault. There are plenty of other factors to blame besides yourself. It was a decision your parents made-- not you.

[Alty]

I agree one hundred percent. You are very obviously a very bright girl, your parents obviously did something right. After having talked to you on my other post I have to say that the world is definitely a better place with you in it. You are not to blame for anything that happened between your mom and dad, the decisions they made were theirs and theirs alone, having a child at a young age can be hard, marriage isn't necessarily the answer, it obviously wasn't for them, that is not your fault. Your Mom and Dad did the best they could and it seems to me that they did pretty good if they ended up with a daughter like you.

Keep up the great work, you are a wonderful human being and I'm so glad that you are here to voice your very articulate opinion.

[dniemiera]

Hi, I am your hypothetical child,

I would like to be born to a mom and dad that can afford to have me both emotionally and financially. I would also like to be born to a couple that can afford to give me a home, diapers, food and many of the other necessities that I will require.

I guarantee that if you and my Dad aren't getting along right now then I will definitely tear you apart. I will suck away every penny that you make and I still won't be happy. I will cry allot, sometimes for days on end. I will make a mess in my diaper so often that you will think that's all I do. I do not like going out to hang with your friends; I need peace and quite, even though I won't give you any. I am one of the most selfish creatures on the face of this earth; if I weren’t then I'd die. I need to scream and complain in order to communicate with you, this will drive you crazy.

If you don't want to have me when you're still young, if you can't give me everything that I need then please use birth control, use two, or better yet, don't have sex until you're ready to have me. All it takes is one mistake and I'll be coming to see you in 9 months. Is this sinking in, or are you still in denial?

Sincerely,

Your potential child

Reading this made me feel really good. I'm 20 yrs old married and have a baby on the way. I have a steady job (militray) my husband as well. We are young but we did plan on having the baby and it was not a "mistake" like I have heard so many times from people. Unlike many people my age my baby is not a result of missed pill or ripped condom, it is a planned baby. But reading what you wrote gave me a little more strength because I know my husband and myself will be all right. Hard? Of course what in life isn't hard. But thank you for posting this it got my spirits up. I'm 7 weeks pregnant and I'm starting to feel my mood changes and this was a great pick me up. Thank you

[Ruu]

My parents should have seen this before making those last..
Lets see.. Six mistakes. =\ What can we do..

[Alty]

That's the point though, there are allot of unplanned pregnancies, most of which could have been prevented with birth control. I love hearing about people who actually planned their kids, it doesn't always happen that way, in fact we are becoming obsolete.

I'm just trying to point out to all the sexually active teens out there, you don't have to have a baby if you don't want to. Spend $5 on a pack of condoms, save yourself the worry and prevent sexually transmitted diseases.

Thanks all for posting.

[MOWERMAN2468]

Hi, I am your hypothetical child,

I would like to be born to a mom and dad that can afford to have me both emotionally and financially. I would also like to be born to a couple that can afford to give me a home, diapers, food and many of the other necessities that I will require.

I guarantee that if you and my Dad aren't getting along right now then I will definitely tear you apart. I will suck away every penny that you make and I still won't be happy. I will cry allot, sometimes for days on end. I will make a mess in my diaper so often that you will think that's all I do. I do not like going out to hang with your friends; I need peace and quite, even though I won't give you any. I am one of the most selfish creatures on the face of this earth; if I weren’t then I'd die. I need to scream and complain in order to communicate with you, this will drive you crazy.

If you don't want to have me when you're still young, if you can't give me everything that I need then please use birth control, use two, or better yet, don't have sex until you're ready to have me. All it takes is one mistake and I'll be coming to see you in 9 months. Is this sinking in, or are you still in denial?

Sincerely,

Your potential child

Whoa, nice job.

[serenitynow422]

I'm also 17 and I'm sexually active but I'm on BC and won't do anything because I demand the use of a condom as well. This is not paranoia but the knowledge of having a baby is VERY serious and I don't want to be a baby mama until I want to not when murphys law decides

[Alty]

Serenitynow - Good for you.

Allot of people are saying that I'm forcing abstinence down teens throats. I'm realistic, I know that teens will have sex, I did when I was a teen, so how can expect better from others. I am saying that you don't have to be stupid about sex. Birth control and condoms are the way to go if you don't want a child, I'm glad that so many teens are posting that they are using protection, I was beginning to worry.

The thing I find astonishing is that most kids that are having unprotected sex aren't thinking of the consequences, all of a sudden they miss a period and they worry. The time to worry about this is when you're in bed with the guy, not after. Another concern, std's, pregnancy will seem preferable if you end up with Aids after an unprotected sexual encounter.

I'm glad this post is making people think and getting people to talk. That was my intention.

[ScottGem]

Allot of people are saying that I'm forcing abstinence down teens throats. I'm realistic, I know that teens will have sex, I did when I was a teen, so how can expect better from others. I am saying that you don't have to be stupid about sex. Birth control and condoms are the way to go if you don't want a child, I'm glad that so many teens are posting that they are using protection, I was beginning to worry.

I agree that it unrealistic to expect teens to abstain totally. The problem is no method of birth control is 100%. Also, too often the heat of the moment leads people (not just teens) to forgo protection.

While expecting abstinence is unrealistic, there are other ways to be intimate without going through intercourse.

[Alty]

Scott - I agree 100% but I don't know if we can get these youngster to listen.

What really shocks me is the age these kids are starting to experiment. 14 years old, for goodness sake, shouldn't you still be playing with dolls? I don't remember even being interested in boys at that age, much less wanting to have sex.

I don't know why things have changed so drastically, even if I did know I wouldn't have any idea how to change it.

I think the bottom line is that our society is missing the good old fashion values that we all grew up with. I wanted to please my parents, I didn't want them thinking badly of me, I still did things that they would not have approved of, but I always used protection, ALWAYS!

It's a scary world, and I have two kids that are going to be facing that aspect of the world sooner than I'm ready for. I guess all we can do as parents is talk, talk, talk, until we're blue in the face. Hopefully things will change, I don't want to imagine what kind of world my grandkids are going to grow up in if this trend continues.