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Parvan · Jan 4, 2006, 01:31 PM

Ummm no where did I state that she was sleeping with other guys. After the past few days there is no doubt in my mind that she wasn't doing that. She just broke out asserted her independence and as things stand now we are separating. I've found out that most of the **** I went through was due to a miscommunication. I apologized too her cause I called her 30 times in about as many hours. Sure I was pissed but it was still bad behavior on my part.

MaryAnna · Jan 4, 2006, 01:37 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Dude....I'd RUN from this one. She is VERY mixed up. AND she keeps sleeping with other guys. WHY?

She has cheated on you and runs away when the fire gets hot.

It's a form of abuse.

Some woman JUST can't be with one guy.

I HATE the fact you appoligized to her - WHY???? My good - be a freaking man....she seems to walk all over you.

Counseling WONT work with this one. Once a cheater - always a cheater - it's proved over and over on this board.

I think you are WAY too nice to this women and she actually dispises that.

You need to learn about nice guys. A real man would have thrown this woman to the curd a lon gtime ago.

I agree- she is jus tstringing you a long liek a little puppy.

Oh yeah, when you go to give advice, I highly suggest you go back and read the ORIGINAL post. Don't just go off the last guys comment. Like I said before, the story slowly changes, and things are being said that the person that put up the post in the first place, never said. Like he just said, we are separated. I don't know if I do want to go to the counsoling, and I don't know what is going on with us. I am at the state of mind that I am moving tomorrow and we aren't together.

Wildcat21 · Jan 4, 2006, 01:52 PM

Good - he needs that.

WHY do you need all these guys?? All the attention??

This guy seems to be a real good guy. Been there for you and your son and all you do is poop on him.

I don't buy one word from you saying you never cheated. You're staying at some guys house - oh yeah - you slept on the couch right? I don't think this guy is that stupid.

"I later found out that he didn't know that the guy that "kidnapped" me" - that's funny. What a wicked web we weave when first we practice to decive. That's a load a of BS. I hope he didn't believe you.

How the hell does he handle all this drama? The lies ouze out the computer - seriously. Kipnaped you - I hope you went to the police?? I bet, some how you didn't.

nwsflash · Jan 4, 2006, 01:53 PM

Counseling is always an option that is open to you both but you both need to want to go and have counseling and for the right things.. As I've always said you have to go with your heart and not your mind.

Our minds tell us all sorts of things and tiny little things that get in there are blown to all sorts of levels and blown out of place, this is why and as I said lots of people may not agree, but hearts will always tell you what's true. If you both love one another then maybe things will sort out for both of you, but you both need to get your issue's sorted, or you will always end up back at the start !

We all learn in life as we move along. Some things are good and some are bad, but love will always grow like a flower, it needs lots of tlc and if not treated right will die.

People should always be 100% honist very much so if you're a girlfriend & boyfriend with out trust there is nothing, and nothing brings nothing.

Wildcat21 · Jan 4, 2006, 02:08 PM

No honest woman goes running to other guys. He stated all the guys you hung out with. Woman who do this need massive amounts of attention - AND the guys are ONLY in it for ONE thing - sex - period, end of story.

IF you were kidnaped (total BS) you HAVE gone to the police.

You don't respect him. He doesn't trust you.

Without TRUST and RESPECT - you have NOTHING.

Sorry, I deal in tough love and the truth. Stick by your story if you wish - he must be very naïve and you play him on that.

nymphetamine · Jan 4, 2006, 04:08 PM

Maybe you might want to go back and read the post again yourself. It sounded very much like there was a lot of room for cheating to me and that is what it looks like to the rest of us. Boyfriend you weren't with her when you went off alone with these guys and girlfriend only you know what did go on. Hanging out with your guy friends does not necessarily mean cheating no. I have more guy friends than I do female friends because I get along better with guys but I don't sleep with them. Its just the way it looks in the post that makes us all wonder. Boyfriend you say that you trust her and that's up to you but just be aware of the signs and I hope things work out.

MaryAnna · Jan 4, 2006, 04:27 PM

Okay, I NEVER slept with him. I went over to his house. That's what happened. So, you know... you should get the damn facts straight. But you know what, its okay. He wants me to stay and I am saying NO. I am tierd of him saying... go,stay,go,stay. So, I am going to go. If it works out, then it does. If not, it was fun while it lasted

MaryAnna · Jan 4, 2006, 04:30 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

No honest woman goes running to other guys. He stated all the guys you hung out with. Woman who do this need massive amounts of attention - AND the guys are ONLY in it for ONE thing - sex - period, end of story.

IF you were kidnaped (total BS) you HAVE gone to the police.

You don't respect him. He doesn't trust you.

Without TRUST and RESPECT - you have NOTHING.

Sorry, I deal in tough love and the truth. Stick by your story if you wish - he must be very naive and you play him on that.

Okay. When he "kidnapped" me, it was a friendly thing. And he took me to my home town to hang out with people. BECAUSE I DON'T. I HAVE DAMN NEAR NO LIFE BEYOND THIS APARTMENT. We do the occational go to a movie or drive, but other than that, my highlight of the week is going shopping for food. And that doesn't even happen every week. But, read the previous post and you all will be happy. You got what you wanted.

Wildcat21 · Jan 4, 2006, 04:39 PM

Yeah... and I Have some swamp land in Florida to sell you.

Just tell the dam guy the truth!!

Lets uh... how about with the next you tell he you NEED more romance, you need a DATE NIGHT or TWO per week, you NEED more mystery, you need MORE spontaneous, you NEED suprises!!

Instead you go 'hang out' with 'guy friends' - AKA sleep with them.

Wildcat21 · Jan 4, 2006, 04:42 PM

But, I think the bigger problem the guy is too much of a 'Nice Guy' - she wants more of a bad boy/challange... that's the real crux of the matter.

I have a feeling this guy has a hard time making a decisions... hard time saying no... being all needy and clingy etc.

Parvan · Jan 4, 2006, 05:44 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

But, I think the bigger problem the guy is too much of a 'Nice Guy' - she wants more of a bad boy/challange....that's the real crux of the matter.

I have a feeling this guy has a hard time making a decisions....hard time saying no....being all needy and clingy etc.

I agree with some of your post not all of it. This whole episode has had me reverting to some behaviors that I thought were long gone. The vast majority of the time I'm pretty well adjusted. This last week has been hell though. I'm going in to our appointment tomorrow, I doubt she's coming along, but at least I cantry to deal with my ****.

She's flat out rejecting me now telling me she doesn't want to be with me as a person. It's hard to deal with rejection like that. All I've ever wanted was a stable well adjusted relationship. I've put a lot of effort into making this one and it's all wasted now. Not sure what the **** is so wrong with me.

nymphetamine · Jan 4, 2006, 06:19 PM

Wildcat, you really are a wild cat. Maryanna, we are not the ones you need to convince. You stated yourself " I have lied to him about alot." Just curious but what was the 4am kidnapping all about? Why so early in the morning? You told him you would stop talking to your ex but you did not and you even stated that yourself. YOU meet some guy off my space and then have this guy pick you up at 2 in the morning and go to his place and you don't come home until Sunday morning. What's that all about? Um way to win some ones trust back let me tell you.:rolleyes: You say you want this guys trust back and that you are sorry you lied to him but then you go off and do more to take his trust away. You say that you lied to him because you knew he didn't trust you but your lies are what caused him not to trust you in the first place. You need to take some lessons in how to win someone's trust back which we will be glad in assisting you with. This is not what we want,Maryanna. If we had the power you would both be a perfect and happy couple. This is your doing not ours. Boyfriend- You did not have to say the actuall words " she is cheating" we gathered that information based on what you did say. Im sorry but a few of the things you said really stick out and smell of cheating. Maryanna- You try to convince us(should be him) that you couldn't have cheated because this other guy has a girlfriend. My ex husband used to feed me that excuse all the time. Him having a girlfriend does not mean that it was impossible for you to sleep together or that he is the faithfull type.

s_cianci · Jan 4, 2006, 06:54 PM

Maryanna, it seems that perhaps a lot of people are making judgments and forming opinions based on circumstantial evidence. While that may not be "fair" or "right", it just happens ; that's the way of the world. Sometimes it pays huge dividends to be able to anticipate others' possible reactions and take them into consideration. Not that you want to assume all responsibility for the whole world's quirks and hangups, but people often, unfortunately, only have a limited basis by which to form opinions and they're going to form them with the information they have. You may want to take a biblical approach, how it says "avoid even the appearance of evil" (emphasis mine.) In the case of a relationship, you can simply substitute the word "infidelity" for the word "evil." If you are involved with someone, you really have no business spending the night at another guy's house, even if it is totally innocent, you sleep on the couch, don't lay a finger on him, etc. Similarly, you have no business letting yourself be "kidnapped" by someone, even if it's all in "fun." As others have suggested to you, to spend the night at someone else's house or let yourself be "kidnapped" by someone and then try to convince people that it was "all in fun" or "totally innocent" just isn't going to fly with anyone who has half a brain, regardless of the "facts." You need to take such things into consideration when making choices to do the things you do. I know you probably don't want to hear this and I'm sure my words will anger you but you really ought to give it some thought.

Parvan · Jan 4, 2006, 09:12 PM

Well she's out of my house and her number is no longer in my phone book. I've got to accept the fact that even though I want a good stable relationship with her it's not going to happen.

It's been a rough day, I've kept wanting to cut myself or just anything stupid and dangerous, but friends and family talked me through it. I think I'm done with love like this. Give me a stable mutual understanding with a girl I like and that likes me. This passionate consuming love is bull****.

Amazingly enough my ex wife is being pretty supportive despite the fact that I hid this relationship from her because she thought it was a bad idea.

I guess I'll make it through today and we'll see what happens tomorrow. That's going to be my mantra for awhile. I kind of wish I could drop school this semester and just work and live for a bit. My two week break is ending with me in worse shape then the semester did.

bassistguy · Jan 4, 2006, 09:57 PM

Originally Posted by Parvan

Well she's out of my house and her number is no longer in my phone book. I've got to accept the fact that even though I want a good stable relationship with her it's not going to happen.

It's been a rough day, I've kept wanting to cut myself or just anything stupid and dangerous, but friends and family talked me through it. I think I'm done with love like this. Give me a stable mutual understanding witha girl I like and that likes me. This passionate consuming love is bull****.

Amazingly enough my ex wife is being pretty supportive despite the fact that I hid this relationship from her because she thought it was a bad idea.

I guess I'll make it through today and we'll see what happens tomorrow. Thats going to be my mantra for awhile. I kind of wish I could drop school this semester and just work and live for a bit. My two week break is ending with me in worse shape then the semester did.

Well, I am GLAD that they talked you out of hurting yourself. NO girl (or NO ONE for that matter) is worth hurting yourself over. From what you're stating, it seems like you are wanting this to be through between you two? From what I have read in this post (before and after my last comment), I think that you need some time to yourself to get over all of this, get unstressed, and be happy with yourself and everything once again, and then when you do find someone new, hopefully that relationship won't be as hectic. This relationship has seemed to make you too unhappy, and no one deserves that.

Parvan · Jan 4, 2006, 10:09 PM

Well I talked myself out of the cutting, but my family and friends just helped me smooth out the rough patches after. I do want it to be over, but I also want to be in a good relationship with her. Since the latter isn't going to happen I just need to deal with the former.

PrettyLady · Jan 4, 2006, 10:10 PM

This thread is turning into a soap opera, the drama is unbelievable. We have the person that started the topic and the girlfriend he's having problems with posting on the same thread. Guys, you have given some great advice, but I think we should back away and let Pravan and MaryAnn resolve their issues. Don't get caught up in this on going rivalry. Pravan and MaryAnn please go see a relationship counselor. But If you don't want to work things out, then you both need to get on with your lives and be happy. Good luck.

Wildcat21 · Jan 5, 2006, 12:03 PM

"I want a good stable relationship with her it's not going to happen." - It won't happen because she doesn't respect you.

See you put a gal up on a pedestal that didn't deserve it.

You need tyo learn to build barriers and have tests before you open up your heart - especially to a woman like this. Take it slow.

Wildcat21 · Jan 5, 2006, 12:05 PM

The problem is Mary Ann needs attention from multiple guys for some reason.

Love the Kipnap excuse... that's a new one.

Parvan · Jan 5, 2006, 06:02 PM

Originally Posted by PrettynPetite1

This thread is turning into a soap opera, the drama is unbelievable. We have the person that started the topic and the girlfriend he's having problems with posting on the same thread. Guys, you have given some great advice, but I think we should back away and let Pravan and MaryAnn resolve their issues. Don't get caught up in this on going rivalry. Pravan and MaryAnn please go see a relationship counselor. But If you don't want to work things out, then you both need to get on with your lives and be happy. Good luck.

She's gone, I went to the counselor today and she was pretty reassuring that this is not my fault and that my behavior wasn't that much of an issue in this she said around 20 percent my fault and around 80 hers. The house Maryanna moved into doesn't have internet so I doubt she'll be making a reappearance here. Anyway Wildcat, I agree I did put her up on a pedastal that she obviously didn't belong on. My main issue through this has been my insecurity with my decisions and not really wanting to discover that I've wasted a few months of my life.