[mjl]

I'm sorry to be so blunt... but by the sounds of it it sounds like she just not that into you. I think you should actually see her over your xmas break and have a serious talk with her.

Obviously she is holding back feelings (wether positive or negative) and so are you. The key to a great relationship is honesty and communication. You have to tell her the truth on how she is making you feel (obviously you are hurt by how she is ignoring you) and you need to ask her why she is doing this. If she doesn't respond and just ignors you more after telling her your feelings then I think it should be over. You can't continue in an unhealthy relationship. If she really wants to make things work she will tell you why she is acting like this, and find ways to fix it

I hope that helps, and I wish you good luck :)

[aiyerrc]

Bump...

[phil_stl]

Hey man,
I thought cutting off communication, is never a good thing to do. But your at a stage in a relationship when you still aren't sure whether she actually even likes you you as much as you do... Let me first say, in my opinion you are not yet in love with her and nor is she with you as it takes a lot of getting to know someone deeply before you can say that type of thing. (That's just the vibe I'm getting as I'm reading your message, especially considering your relationship with her is still in the beginning stages). So since this relationship is so new it shouldn't be too hard to cut off communication during the holidays (yes I understand you probably like her alot)... but during holidays you have plenty of time off to do other things so enjoy!

How old are you? By the way girls can be confusing and not know what they want and often go after things they can't have, they play games and it's only when something happens that makes them wake up and think.

In this case I feel that holding out on communication is not a bad thing. Plus actually, if you read up on many dating and attrating women websites for exmaple: sosuave.com they will say that doing this thing can make women want you even more, it builds up attracting in them for you and displays confidence and independence.

The fact is (in my opinion at least) she doesn't want you as much as you do her. So you have to believe that you are something special she should want, and when you are that confident she may pick up on it and feel stronger emotions for you... or you'll realize that she still doesn't feel the same way as you and then you'll know.

So I would end communication in this case completely, let her call you and keep up communication. Why are you the only one making the relationship "work" (if you are... the relationship isn't actually "working"). In a more serious and complex relationship I would never suggest this but I think this case is one that calls for building her attraction levels for you.

If it doesn't work, and she doesn't seem to have missed you or wanted to talk or spend time with you... then it should be pretty obvious how she feels! At that point I sure wouldn't waste my time pursuing someone that didn't care, nearly as much as I did.

[talaniman]

Your just getting started, so have fun during break, and see how things go. After all your still strangers to each other, so what's the hurry?

[s_cianci]

I think your friend gave you some very valuable insight into the situation and yes, I think your decision not to contact her during the Christmas break is the right one. I wouldn't throw all my beans into this one pot as it doesn't sound like a very big pot if you get my drift. Keep and enforce your own standards ; don't give in to someone else's.

[George_1950]

Do your think this is the right thing to do?
What is her deal?

Is she even worth it?

She ain't digging you, so keep looking. Have some fun.

[aiyerrc]

I'm 19 and she's 19. We have had our great moments, and then we have had our bad. She came out of a very serious 3 years relationship a little less than a year ago, and I mean very serious... first love, lost her virginity, stuff like that serious. I feel like since I'm a sophomore and she's a freshman, I should give her a little time to figure out what she wants, and I think this break is a good time to prove it. Last night was the first night we went without talking, and it felt weird. Usually, she will at least say something like goodnight... sleep sweet or something like that, even if I don't call or text her first. Although, earlier yesterday, I said I would call her, I decided to never follow through with that because of the no contact thing I mentioned earlier. I

It would just suck if she never does end up contacting me and is totaqlly fine about the whole thing. Oh well...

[aiyerrc]

Bump/...

[aiyerrc]

update:::

she called me last night and was wondering what was up and why I hadn't called her the night before or all day that day. I just said I was busy, and nothing was wrong and we talked small talk for like 20 minutes. She texted me earlier today about something random and I texted her back about 2 hours later because my phone was dead earlier. So I called her about 20 minutes ago just to talk, and we talked for like 15 minutes about different random stuff. We were both tired so not really in a mood to talk, so we called it a night.

I just found out that she's possibly going with her friend and her boyfriend to his mountain house with some other guys and girls. If u know my story, I asked her a few different times if she wanted to get together over the break and she said no because she was super busy over the break, but now she's gong with her friend and a few other GUYS to a mountan house for a few days..!

I need to know what to do from here on out... she thinks everything is OKAY, but obviously I don't feel the same. Should I continue not calling/texting her? Should I confront her about the mountain house thng because technically I'm not suppose to know about it..

what do I do??

[George_1950]

Just my opinion, but there is not a reason to confront her; tell her to have a nice time and that you have enjoyed being her friend. And, NC; move on.

[phil_stl]

Why would you confront her! Honestly!? That's probably the worst thing you could do imo. You might as well just tell her she basically owns you and that every time she hangs out with another guy not only are you jealous but sometimes even hurt - especially when she tells you she can't hang out with you but spends time with others.

I think that if every little thing she does bother you then she is obviously holding all the playing cards and I'm pretty sure with everything you've said thus far it's established that you like her more than she likes you. So try and get over her a bit, don't stick her on a pedestal so much... you'll be more confident... girls like confident guys, guys that don't need them, even guys that they can't have. Go hang out with some friends (including girls) and have fun during Christmas break; seriously don't be afraid to spend time with other girls (don't cheat or do anything you'd regret though)... but you should still be allowed to have fun.

Also... talking on the phone for 20 minutes? And then you call her the next night and talk for another 15 minutes. You already told her you were busy the day, you could have been too busy to talk today as well (or at least cut your conversation a little shorter) the more you see and talk to her less, if she does like you then the more she'll miss you.

Btw everything should be okay. Play it that way, if you can't handle what she's done (sounds like nothing wrong) then break it off (which I don't think you want - nor does it seems logical), but at this stage in the relationship don't act like a wimp and give her all the power, girls like a real man! So communication in relationships is good but too much can also make someone sick of the other. (Already happened to me once).

I also wouldn't talk so long on the phone. You said you wouldn't call her... how long did you last? And the only reason you didn't talk more than 15 minutes is because you were both tired? Are we trying to help you for nothing.

Here are some things you can say to you don't have to call her everyday, or talk so long on the phone.
I suggest not worrying about calling her, tell her your busy (like you did).
"You said you were busy and I didn't want or feel need to bother you".
"I didn't know we had to talk every day... plus I was tired and not in a talking mood."
"Why don't you call me if you want to talk more"
"I was out with/at: a bunch of friends - a party, some guys and girls I know, etc."

[talaniman]

How do you know her trip has not been planned in advance? Would you please back off and enjoy your own holiday, and let her enjoy hers'. This is to early in this reationship to be the angry hurt jealous, needy boyfriend.

[aiyerrc]

Believe me I know... ur right though, I'm just not goint to call her, text her... if you remember back to my other threads, I came to her like 4 weeks back basically saying, after analyzing and reanalyzing all the things I said, that I wanted to be super serious, which was not the intention but it came off that way... I feel like I have screwed things up past recovery because I wanted the "perfect" relationship and was a little mpatient. I realze that now, I just hope ts not too late. This break is a good chance for her to go do her own thing, and realize that I'm not going to stick around forever if she continues to not be able to make time for me..

But as you said, I'm just going to enjoy my break, and not initiate contact with her. Hopefully thisll wake her up a bit, but at the same time I don't want to lose her.

[phil_stl]

That's perfect and we understand that you don't want to lose her. In a relationship the goal initially shouldn't be to break up, but realistically it should be if she is not meant for you.

In life an important goal I think everyone should always try to live by, is to do what is best for themselves. Yes one can be nice and generous, but worrying about our situation primarily is important because even though we can't control outside forces and things that happen, individuals can control their their actions and emotions in spite of what happened (even though it's hard).

So you're on the right track. Enjoy yourself! Later.

[aiyerrc]

Bump...

[aiyerrc]

God the days are pretty long, because most of my friends are still finishing up exams... I just don't know if me not calling her is the best way to go..

Over thanksgiving, we called and texted multiple times a day, with textxs like " i miss you" and "only 3 more days til i see you baby!" stuff like that...

This just feels too weird not saying any of this stuff, even though since we had some of our serious talks, the relationship has been kind of off..

I feel like if I iniate some normalcy back up, we will remain together, but at the same time, not mold my schedule around her...

Should I start calling her again? Or at least a text saying I miss her... im really bored and I want to talk to her. Is this a good idea? Not long talks or anything, but I miss just talking to her so much, its hard to not think about her..

If we break up for any reason, I don't want to see her with another guy or I think I will just lose it.

Tell me what to do...

If I continue the way I am, it'll just be weird atmosphere whenever we do talk. She's not just going to come runnning to me if I don't call her.

I'm very lost...

[LivingtheLifeinFLA]

im 19 and shes 19. we have had our great moments, and then we have had our bad. she came out of a very serious 3 years relationship a little less than a year ago, and i mean very serious...first love, lost her virginity, stuff like that serious. i feel like since im a sophomore and shes a freshman, i should give her a little time to figure out what she wants, and i think this break is a good time to prove it. ...

Are you the first guy after this last relationship? My take is that she may not be over this last guy. In that case you will never win because she is not right or ready and may be using you as a crutch while she heals. It takes time to heal after a breakup.

You really need to pull way back and cool things off a little. Let her chase you. Hang out once a week only. If she doesn't start pursuing then you really never had her.

I realize it sucks, but I have seen it before, you get all hung up, treat her really well, and then all of a sudden she is hanging with someone else and you are totally bummed and can't figure it out. But that's when she finally got over the old boyfriend and a spark started.

Unfortunately, you don't want to be next in line after a breakup, unless they spent time alone and are truly done with the past.

Good luck.

[talaniman]

Backing off doesn't mean not letting her know you care, but one is enough, not 20 a day.

[aiyerrc]

She's had a few flings since then, but she has told me face to face she will always love him, but she's way over him and not IN LOVE with him. She said she still cares about him, which I guess is understandable because he was the first guy she shared herself with, sexually and mentally... tala, do you think I should send a small text message saying I'm thinking about you, but not call her and make small talk?

[LivingtheLifeinFLA]

aiyerrc

First, do not listen to what a woman says look at her actions. If she says "she will always love him, but shes way over him and not IN LOVE with him", then she is. Her words say no, but the fact that she brought him up says different.