[shygrneyzs]

For your own self protection, don't see her and do not accept the gift. She sounds like a player and you don't need that anymore. Block her phone number, block her email, and keep yourself busy with other more important parts of your life. You don't need her messing you up again.

[Jason8676]

Shygrneyzs-
You hit the nail right on the head. If history is any indicator of the future, she is seeing somebody else right now but wants to keep me around when things don't work out with the new person. If I were to see her again, it would just be the same old crap-no affection, saying she loves me, beating the ol' "You need to call me more and things will improve" drum, and seeing me every other week. If she really loved me, she would call me too and see me as much as possible. I even envy my nephew's relationship with his girlfriend. They talk every day, text each other back and forth, and she even bought him a Nintendo Wii for Christmas after his XBox was stolen. It is clear that she loves him. My ex has cheated on me time and again-I've never cheated on her yet she expects me to take her back no matter how much she hurts me. I've invested 10 years of my life on her-I don't even know where to begin in finding somebody else but I'm going to try.

[oneguyinohio]

Sounds like you are on the right path, and more power to you. Waiting for some people to learn or wake up and make some sense out of life, is like waiting for an oak tree to become a fossil. It doesn't happen often, and isn't worth the wait.

[shygrneyzs]

Wishing you the best of luck. I know it is hard after a break-up, especially when the ex plays those head games.

[talaniman]

Pat yourself on the back, fellow. Your doing the right things for yourself.

[DMBacoustic]

You are the man. I went through the Same situation. My ex actually ended up mailing me my gift, and told me when we got back together I could thank her. Now weeks after hearing that nothing has changed, I wish in the beginning I could have been less ignorant and in the spot you're in now. But don't change your stance, you're doing the right thing.

[Jason8676]

Hey!
Thanks for the replies oneguyinohio, talaniman, and DMBacoustic! Haven't heard anything since from her. I kind of had a feeling she would just show up at my doorstep but things have been quiet. I was tempted to call her old cell phone number to see if it was out of service and if indeed she changed it. The only reasons I can think of for her changing the number is she is getting harassed or she wants to avoid me(but I doubt it if she wants me to call her so badly).

[Jason8676]

Hey!
She sent me another text message on Saturday, Jan. 12, this time it said:"Is this bear?(that was her nickname for me because I used to send her teddy bears and flowers all of the time when we had something that halfway resembled a legitimate relationship) I have your X-Mas presents(or Ex-Mas present-ha, ha)." Again, I ignored it and have not heard from her since. She can expect not to hear from me. Jason

[Jason8676]

Hello,
This has really been bothering me to no end... I keep ruminating over what happened between me and my ex-girlfriend. We have known each other for over 10 years and have been serious off and on for about 8 years-even having a daughter together who unfortunately passed away at 11 months due to a heart defect. I had proposed marriage and to this day she still has my ring(and when I bought it at the time, I really put myself in the hole financially!) Up until September of last year we were okay-she saw me and talked to me when she could since I have an odd work schedule of 40+ hours per week on the "graveyard" shift. Granted I did not call her everyday, she was usually the one that called and more often than not just showed at my house spontaneously when she knew I was off from work. I really showered her with a lot of love until that first time she was unfaithful. Every time she cheated during those 8 years, I backed off further to the point that she wonders why I am not as romantic as I used to be.
To make a long story short, I feel guilty for pushing her away. When we did talk between Thanksgiving and Christmas of 2007, she kept saying, "Call me more and things will improve." I've been reluctant to call because I think she is seeing someone else. She did not so much as text message me on Christmas or New Years.I have been in No-Contact now since Dec. 19,although she has sent me several messages(on Jan. 8 and 12) saying she has my Christmas gift. I took the Christmas present I got her back. Nevertheless, I ignored her both times. So I haven't called-I feel if she really loved me she'd make as much time for me as possible. This has really been grating on me-I feel as though that if I called her everyday and was more romantic, then this bullcrap would never have started back in September. We've never been out of contact like this and it is driving me nuts!! What do you all think? Jason

[EuRa]

Based on your history, I don't think it would be a bad idea if you let her talk to you if you are ready to hear what she has to say.

Why did she cheat on you? With how many men? How long (years, weeks, days?) was this going on?

If she cheated on you, and you don't know why, or if it's because she just wanted to have fun or see what else is out there, then I wouldn't put too much hope in this relationship.

Or... or... 10 years and you aren't married? That could be a reason she cheated on you. She's tired of waiting for you to finally tie the knot.

But first things first. Talk to her only if you are ready. Don't go out of your way, let her do the work because she's in the position to do so. Then be open and frank with her. Take it slow. If it just doesn't seem right, for any little reason, then back away and search for your next.

[Jason8676]

EuRa,
She's cheated plenty of times. The greatest slap in the face was when I found out about her latest fiasco after our daughter was born-she was kissing some other guy on the mouth and who knows what else while I chauffered her to the doctor for ultrasounds and when she went in labor. I was in the delivery room and saw every precious moment of my little girl's birth, ignorant of the fact that once again she cheated. She leaves, never formally breaking it off and giving me closure, then comes back when she finds out the chump she left me for is a bust. She always uses the line,"You need to call me more." I recall a similar incident back in early 2003 where we didn't speak for over two months and she's out having sex with one of her co-workers. She had the nerve to come back and fool me into thinking we were back together, thus she was carrying on two serious relationships simultaneously. She's probably immune to me going No-Contact with her, but who cares. She's only losing me and throwing 10 years down the toilet. Jason

[Jason8676]

Hello,
I've posted on here several times concerning my ex. What happened now? I did not contact her for over a month after a brief break in the silence between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I went back to NC because I saw no hope in the relationship and I needed to move on. She sent me two text messages in early January concerning a Christmas present she had for me-which I ignored her both times. Yesterday, she sent me another text message and I am ashamed to admit it, but I cracked. Again she said she had a Christmas present for me and asked when she could bring it to me. I shot back with, "What do you want from me?" She replied, "Just to give you your present." I then said, "You do not want to be with me and until then, stay out of my life.' She asked, "What does that mean?" I reiterated with another message, "It means that you do not want to be with me-any idiot can see that and until you want to, stay out of my life." Then she asked, "Does that mean you don't love me?" I replied, "It means that YOU do not love me. I had several nice presents for you but returned them. I told you I loved you but you don't. She sent a separate message telling me the days she was off from work and I told her the same. Since then, she has not replied so it's back to NC unless she specifically lets me know that she wants to reconcile. As I've said before, she has to involved with somebody else to be contacting me sporadically. What's more, she can't call for some reason-its always been text messages. Maybe she's ashamed of something? Why do our exes play these games? I seriously want to get over her but every time I get some time and space between me and her, here she is again. I've focused on nothing but her for the past 10 years that I'm afraid to meet girls out in public or at work. The first step I'm going to take is buy or check out several books on how to meet women. I know this sounds crazy but after being wrapped up for 10 years with just one girl, I need to get in circulation again. As for the ex, I feel weak that I responded to her yesterday but at least I set the boundaries. I don't want nothing less than a total relationship
With her, anything less than straight to hell with her-I will not compromise. Again, why do our exes torment us like this? How can I move on and meet somebody that will truly make me happy without making a bad first impression? I know I've posted on this subject but as always, all responses are appreciated. Thanks, Jason

[ISneezeFunny]

Well, you were a bit angry in your text. So... I think her response is, WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM? You got a bit emotional. Regardless, what's done is done. You did what you had to do. Just keep this post as a reminder of what happened... and try not to make the mistake again.

Granted, I don't know your story... but from the looks of things, whether your ex was playing games, you don't really want to show the emotional side. A good way to blow off that text was to simply say, TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, I DON'T THINK I CAN ACCEPT THE GIFT or something like that.

She may/may not be seeing a new guy, but that shouldn't matter to you. Return to nc. Do what you got to do. Good luck man.

[justcurious55]

All responses appreciated? In that case, you sound like a little brat throwing a temper tantrum because you can't have your way. Maybe you should CALL HER and calmly explain your feelings and say "please don't contact me." or if you don't think you can do that write a letter to her explaining "i meant it when i said i loved you and it really just hurts too much to talk to you at all right now blah blah blah." or whatever you're story is. Don't engage in the text messages if you find them upsetting. All you have to do is delete them!

[ISneezeFunny]

Well, I wouldn't go that far justcurious55... sometimes our emotions get to the best of us.

I know that if my ex contacted me my third week of nc, I wouldn't have responded very nicely as I was still very angry about the breakup. Is it wrong to blow up like that? Yes. Could it have been avoided? Yes. Could he have possibly messed up his chances of getting her back? Possibly.

Jason, the way you responded probably turned her off quite a bit from you... she was testing the waters to see how you were doing, and who knows, she was possibly coming back a little bit and you snapped, so there's a good chance she won't be sniffing around for a while. But then again, she did tell you when she was free, so who knows?

Just remember. Keep your composure. Keep it cool. Nonchalant/apathetic is what we're shooting for.

[loveme1]

Hello,
I've posted on here several times concerning my ex. What happened now? I did not contact her for over a month after a brief break in the silence between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I went back to NC because I saw no hope in the relationship and I needed to move on. She sent me two text messages in early January concerning a Christmas present she had for me-which I ignored her both times. Yesterday, she sent me another text message and I am ashamed to admit it, but I cracked. Again she said she had a Christmas present for me and asked when she could bring it to me. I shot back with, "What do you want from me?" She replied, "Just to give you your present." I then said, "You do not want to be with me and until then, stay out of my life.' She asked, "What does that mean?" I reiterated with another message, "It means that you do not want to be with me-any idiot can see that and until you want to, stay out of my life." Then she asked, "Does that mean you don't love me?" I replied, "It means that YOU do not love me. I had several nice presents for you but returned them. I told you I loved you but you don't. She sent a seperate message telling me the days she was off from work and I told her the same. Since then, she has not replied so it's back to NC unless she specifically lets me know that she wants to reconcile. As I've said before, she has to involved with somebody else to be contacting me sporadically. What's more, she can't call for some reason-its always been text messages. Maybe shes ashamed of something? Why do our exes play these games? I seriously want to get over her but everytime I get some time and space between me and her, here she is again. I've focused on nothing but her for the past 10 years that I'm afraid to meet girls out in public or at work. The first step I'm going to take is buy or check out several books on how to meet women. I know this sounds crazy but after being wrapped up for 10 years with just one girl, I need to get in circulation again. As for the ex, I feel weak that I responded to her yesterday but at least I set the boundaries. I don't want nothing less than a total relationship
with her, anything less than straight to hell with her-I will not compromise. Again, why do our exes torment us like this? How can I move on and meet somebody that will truly make me happy without making a bad first impression? I know I've posted on this subject but as always, all responses are appreciated. Thanks, Jason

Do u think she really love u

[Jason8676]

Hey,
Thanks for the replies. Yes... I will admit that I am angry. She never leaves me any closure when she does this crap-she just breaks from the routine(calling me, seeing me. Etc) on a regular basis when our schedules permit. I don't understand why she can't just say, "My feelings have changed...I want to be just friends...etc" If she told me this, you bet I would be angry but I would just go NC-friendship is out of the question. I'm not the type to stalk, try to get revenge, or the like. When I texted her back, I was just stating the obvious. If she wanted to be with me and loved me, she would respect the fact that I work a lot of hours to pay the bills and live comfortably since I am on my own she would have never left me in the dark like this. This crap has been ongoing since September when she suddenly stopped seeing me and talking to me as usual. She's either with me or she's not. If she's not, I have no use for her.

[Jason8676]

Hey,
Got a text message earlier today from my ex-girlfriend. She basically said, "That was rude of you to take back my presents when I have yours at home." As soon as I read that, I started typing a reply which said, "Rude? What am I supposed to think when you stop seeing me and talking to me?" Caught myself just in the nick of time before hitting the send icon. I'm proud of myself that I ignored her. If I did send the message, I'm sure her reply would have been, "Well, you stopped calling." If you suspected your girlfriend of seeing somebody else(i.e. acting weird, over the limit on a credit card that was opened recently, lack of attention, lack of affection-basically just an abrupt change), would that make you think twice before calling. She's done this before, and there is usually another guy involved. I sort of find the whole thing funny-I've loaned her money before but never asked for it back and I tried to show her that I wanted to make another go at it when we started talking briefly after Thanksgiving. Then I bought her Christmas presents but really showed me no interest on her end so I went NC and everything went back. Do you think this girl really deserves anything, even if she still has a present for me? (Which, by the way I heard nothing from her on Christmas or New Years.) Jason

[talaniman]

She is entitled to her opinion, but yours is the one that counts. Stay with no contact.

[twinkiedooter]

So let her give the present to her next boyfriend... what do you care? You're out of there.