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DJ 'H' · Nov 25, 2005, 08:48 AM

So lets say I call him and he does not answer - do I leave a voicemail? And what do I do after that? Then write him an email or letter?

JoeCanada76 · Nov 25, 2005, 08:52 AM

Leave a voice mail. Wait a little while then if in order for you to clear up your feelings for him. Write a letter of how you feel and let him know what your thoughts are and send it. Finally after that it is his turn to respond, if he does not respond then try to let go.

nymphetamine · Nov 25, 2005, 09:10 AM

Jesus is right. Tell jesus I said thanks for the cross thing.

someguy222 · Nov 25, 2005, 09:18 AM

Anyone got any advice for me?
Topic-theres this girl...

DJ 'H' · Nov 25, 2005, 09:24 AM

That's good - I will phone him and see what happens - I will leave a voicemail and then if no response write him a letter - still no response try to find closer to the friendship and let go.

The voicemail - do you think it should be long or brief? Should I say what I phone dhim to say or just ask him to phone me when he gets an opportunity?

JoeCanada76 · Nov 25, 2005, 10:06 AM

My opinion the voicemail should be short. Let the letter if needed be longer. Why are you expecting voicemail? Try to relax, a little bit. Take it easy and take a deep breath you will be just fine.

nymphetamine · Nov 25, 2005, 10:37 AM

Yeah do that. Sometimes I practice what I'm going to say to someone if I'm nervous and then I tell them what I wnt to say. Sometimes I stand on my head.

s_cianci · Nov 25, 2005, 01:55 PM

What specific reason(s) did he give for missing your birthday without any advance notice? My guess is that he's just a bit of a scatterbrain who doesn't have his act together ; nice guy, but not dependable if you get my drift. Just be mindful of that in your friendship with him. Whenever you make plans with him, be aware that they may end up being cancelled at the last minute without warning.

DJ 'H' · Nov 28, 2005, 03:11 AM

s_cianci - He did not give any reasons for missing my birthday. The text message he sent to me read: "Hey, I am probably the last person you want to speak to right now?! - sorry I missed your birthday - hows the new job going?"

Then he arranged to meet up with me; didn't and has not returned any of my calls, texts or emails since. I have not bothered to get in touch with him for months now - but I do miss him. He is a really good supportive friend usually.

Jesushelper76 - thank you for your support. I guess Iam nervous because I don't want my worst fears confirmed. I don't want to find out that he does not care about me anymore?

Crankiebabie - you are really sweet; cheers

DJ 'H' · Dec 1, 2005, 03:22 AM

So I phoned him and had no response. So I am going to write him a letter now. I am not posing much hope though.

I am going to keep the letter chatty; just update him on current events and ask how things are going with him?

Do you think I should include how upset I am that I have not had his friendship these last few months?

I am not posing much hope if I am honest with you - think I already know it's time to let go; but feel one more try is needed just so I can feel at ease that I did my best and it's him not me.

JoeCanada76 · Dec 1, 2005, 03:37 PM

DJ 'H'

I personally feel with my own opinion that one more shot is worth it even if there is no response. By you making the effort to show him that you still care of his friendship. You writing the letter and sending him the letter will be a way for you to get all your thoughts and feelings on paper and it will help you in the healing process of letting go. Yes, tell him how your upset. You know what you did everything and tried everything to keep the friendship strong, but obvously he was not and that has nothing to do with you.

Joe

DJ 'H' · Dec 2, 2005, 03:14 AM

Thank you so much for your encouragment and support. I agree that one more try is worth it - because there is still a small percentage of hope that a letter might make him think and he may get in touch.

Being realistic I don't think he will but ateast as you say I will know I did everything I could to make he friendship work and I will know that it is him at fault and not me.

It's all about closure and letting go. I think this is the best way.

So thank you so much; you are a very wise and wonderful person and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your help as well as all the others who helped me in this thread.

Thank you all - I feel so much better in myself.

DJ 'H' · Dec 2, 2005, 05:11 AM

I thought these emails may help. These are the emails he was sending before he went weird and dsiappeared. I have copied and pasted them them in Italic. Just thought you may be able to iterpret them perhaps!

Hi Holz Only me!!!

Nice to hear from you again, its been sooooo long I just don't know where the time has gone!!!
Just a quick not to let you know there are a few photos just been added to my profile, its been so long I expect you can't remember what I look like!! Will try to add some more soon but these are the only few I can find in which I don't look like a goon!!
Love Damien
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Holly,
Sorry about last night my phone broke and I can't get any phone numbers from it and havnt got your number written down so couldnt get hold of you Sorry!! I dont know how long it will be before I get a new one or fix the old one but heres my home number incase you need to call me. Can you also e-mail me your mob. numbers!!
Love me!!!!!!xx

Hello Love,
I can't apologise enough about saturday night, I was soooo looking foreward to seeing you but my bloody phone broke (I think my mate drowned it in beer earlier in the night and it finally gave up!!) I told you I would probably get a teeny weeny bit 'merry' so sorry if i didnt make much sense but i really did want you to come and see me. I felt sooo guilty that i drove to devises yesterday afternoon to see if i could find your house but i couldnt quite remember where it was and i didnt have your number to phone you!!!

Thankyou for the birthday invite, should be able to make it, just have to square it with work but should be no trouble. Have got a new phone today, just have to wait to register in when its charged, still got the same number though!!

Sorry again and will speak to you very soon.
Lots of Love ME!!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx

Everything after this was all through text messaging as he got his phone working. It just shows how close we were. Just thought you may understand a little better why this has been so hard for me.

JoeCanada76 · Dec 2, 2005, 06:26 PM

DJ 'H'

Thank you for sharing that with me. Right away my impression of the way he wrote and what he was saying tells me that it sounds like his life can be pretty messed up at times, but no matter what is going on in somebodys life that is what friends are for! Lean on each other and rely on each other and just listen to each other. Even when his life is chaotic I know for sure that you would be such a wonderful loyal friend that stands by their friends and would do anything for them.

Joe

DJ 'H' · Dec 5, 2005, 04:30 AM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

DJ 'H'

Thank you for sharing that with me. Right away my impression of the way he wrote and what he was saying tells me that it sounds like his life can be pretty messed up at times, but no matter what is going on in somebodys life that is what friends are for! Lean on each other and rely on each other and just listen to each other. Even when his life is chaotic I know for sure that you would be such a wonderful loyal friend that stands by their friends and would do anything for them.

Joe

I will always be there for my friends no matter what. Friends are the family you choose after all. I really would do anyhting for them; especially Damien.

JoeCanada76 · Dec 5, 2005, 06:05 AM

DJ 'H'

Some friends do not return that in friendship. I know you are always their for your friends. That is what I was saying, but It is too bad that Damien would not open up to you. Did you send your letter to him yet? Hope everything works out.

Joe

DJ 'H' · Dec 7, 2005, 02:45 AM

I am trying to write the letter but having great difficulty. I keep starting new drafts then throwing them away. I really don't know how to put things down on paper so it makes sense - it all comes out in one big jumble. I am usually good at writing letters.

Any tips?

DJ 'H' · Dec 20, 2005, 02:51 AM

So I sent that letter, but I still have not heard anything from him. He has no excuses for not being in touch - he has my email address, my phone number and my postal address.

I posed hope because it was xmas - and thought he would at least acknowledge my letter in some way - I think I can honestly say he does not want to know!! My xmas really sucks.

I have lost a good friend, my family has broke up, my baby girl cat is still missing, my job has become really stressful - why do these things always happen all at the same time!! :confused:

bizygurl · Dec 20, 2005, 04:50 AM

I think Jesushelper nailed it on the head. It sounds like that this guy possibly has feelings for you and when you started dating your current boyfriend he decided to back off a bit. Maybe he was to sad or uncomfortable to be around you at the time. This does sound like the senario but it may not be the reason. Had you asked him why he missed such an important day like your birthday? If so did he give you a valid reason? Missing a day like a birthday of a close friend without having a good reason, is hurtful. From your post it sounds like the only reason he didn't show up was that he didn't feel like it. All in all I would definitely talk to him and ask him what's going on. If he's close friend and he values your friendship he needs to be honest with you. Hope you can work things out.

bizygurl · Dec 20, 2005, 04:56 AM

DJ H, unfortunately we all have to deal with friends who are less than forthcoming until we find some true friends. Believe me I have been in the same position you are in soooo many times. It hurts and it makes you less trusting of people. It sounds like your going through a rough period right now, but your not alone a lot of people do. Just remember you have friends here. That's what I love about this site. So many people are here to help. Keep your head up, better times are coming.:)