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headache · Nov 14, 2007, 09:30 AM

Well, she actually told me she doesn't feel a spark anymore and isn't sure if she is attracted to me anymore, but she says I'm attractive? Anyway, I told her maybe we needed some space so she could figure things out, so I temporarily moved out and am staying with my mom right now. We went to dinner and a movie the other night and things were OK, she gave me a hug and kiss goodnight and told me she loves me. I haven't been calling her, I've been letting her call me, which she has everyday.

450donn · Nov 15, 2007, 11:41 AM

What do YOU do to make her spark hot? When was the last time you gave her flowers? OR how about a box of candy? Or how about proposing marriage? Maybe she thought that by this time she would be married, and not just a sex toy for your pleasure.

headache · Nov 16, 2007, 07:50 AM

[QUOTE=450donn]What do YOU do to make her spark hot? When was the last time you gave her flowers? OR how about a box of candy? Or how about proposing marriage? Maybe she thought that by this time she would be married, and not just a sex toy for your pleasure

I do nice things for her all the time, and tell her how gorgeous she is.
Proposing Marriage is maybe the worst thing I could think of to do when the other says they don't know if they are attracted to you or in love with you anymore, that just seems silly.

And we've talked about getting married but are in no rush

Applejacks83irv · Nov 16, 2007, 09:32 PM

Aright voto you need to spend more time way from home or ignore her about sex and I know its hard but this sh#t will work its like turning the tables on her... you see your like clingy and youwant this love that's not happing with her so go work out and make yourself improve you and do sometime out of no werez send flower to her job and tell her after all these years I still think about you. No, no,no, keep it simple put (just thinking of you) that's all! Its like you acting like this cool cat... and watch she call you.. let her call you oh about the sex thing slow down on that? She going to want something new, brun out... oh on the flowers she might want to make love voto so like don't do its act like your tired she might get mad but watch... wait until in the moring before she get up and make her breakfeast in bed.. its all about doing something out of no werez and sometimes act like the sex don't bother you and then she going to wonder

headache · Nov 21, 2007, 07:42 AM

UPDATE: It'ss been 2 weeks that I have been staying at my moms house, I've still noyt been calling her but letting her call me, she calls me twice a day and has asked me to hang out about 5 or 6 times. We are getting along just fine but nothing seems to be resolving at all, and I can't take this in between not knowing stuff anymore. I'm thinking of telling her, either you love me or you don't, and either you want to be with me or you don't. What do you guys think? Good idea or bad?

headache · Nov 21, 2007, 07:42 AM

UPDATE: It'ss been 2 weeks that I have been staying at my moms house, I've still noyt been calling her but letting her call me, she calls me twice a day and has asked me to hang out about 5 or 6 times. We are getting along just fine but nothing seems to be resolving at all, and I can't take this in between not knowing stuff anymore. I'm thinking of telling her, either you love me or you don't, and either you want to be with me or you don't. What do you guys think? Good idea or bad?

mafiaangel180 · Nov 21, 2007, 07:54 AM

Wow... even that p*sses me off! People who say stuff like... "I'm not attracted to you," "No spark," "Bored with routine," "I don't know if I'm in love with you."

The last time I checked "IN LOVE" comes and goes during a normal relationship. Valleys and peaks. That sort of thing. And the last time I checked, it takes work to keep the fire going. And she needs some motivation to throw some d*mned logs onto the fire! You can't walk around all boring, not give your man sex, and complain about the lack of a spark. It sounds like she is depressed... her depression is keeping her from finding motivation to get the spark back. She needs to get her butt to a therapist. Meanwhile, you be the enthusiastic one... you surprise her with a sexy picnic, tickets to a concert, something fun and amazing!! In love always takes work.

headache · Nov 21, 2007, 07:58 AM

Everyone keeps saying , "do this for her, surprise her with this...etc" but It's really hard, I'm feeling very sad and was trying out this giving each other space thing

mafiaangel180 · Nov 21, 2007, 08:01 AM

Originally Posted by headache

everyone keeps saying , "do this for her, surprise her with this...etc" but It's really hard, I'm feeling very sad and was trying out this giving eachother space thing

You're right. It is hard. That is why so many people give up. People get lost in the day to day bull crap. The pay off in the end might be really big, but if it isn't at least you can say you that gave it your all, you were the best that you could be. That way you won't be the one with the regrets.

I wrote the above reply before I realized you moved out. What I would do in your case, not saying it's right for you, but what I would do is work on you. Do things you like. Let her call you, call her back. But sometimes allow yourself to be busy and not needy of her. Ask her out on a date. Maybe just once a week or something. Not all the time. Romance her again like your dating.

headache · Nov 21, 2007, 08:07 AM

Originally Posted by mafiaangel180

You're right. It is hard. That is why so many people give up. People get lost in the day to day bull crap. The pay off in the end might be really big, but if it isn't at least you can say you that gave it your all, you were the best that you could be. That way you won't be the one with the regrets.

I wrote the above reply before I realized you moved out. What I would do in your case, not saying it's right for you, but what I would do is work on you. Do things you like. Let her call you, call her back. But sometimes allow yourself to be busy and not needy of her. Ask her out on a date. Maybe just once a week or something. Not all the time. Romance her again like your dating.

That's what I've been doing, letting her call me. I haven't called her except when I miss her call, and she is the one who has been asking me out every time since I moved out, I kind of left this all up to her. It's really nothing I did, honestly. I feel it has been a one sided relationship latley, that's why I'm leaving it all up to her

mafiaangel180 · Nov 21, 2007, 08:18 AM

Originally Posted by headache

thats what I've been doing, letting her call me. I havent called her except when I miss her call, and she is the one who has been asking me out everytime since I moved out, I kinda left this all up to her. It's really nothing I did, honestly. I feel it has been a one sided relationship latley, thats why I'm leaving it all up to her

Do you hang out every time she wants? I hope not, keep it to a minimum, but when you do, make it memorable. Be sure to look your best and wear cologne that you know she likes. :) I really hope this all works out for you :)

headache · Nov 21, 2007, 08:31 AM

Originally Posted by mafiaangel180

Do you hang out every time she wants? I hope not, keep it to a minimum, but when you do, make it memorable. Be sure to look your best and wear cologne that you know she likes. :) I really hope this all works out for you :)

Yeah actually pretty much every time, she has wanted to I have, except tonight, already had plans. We don't wear perfumes or colognes, gives us both headaches, haha

headache · Nov 21, 2007, 11:06 AM

Do you folks think it's a bad idea to do this? I can't deal with this anymore, I want to know where we stand you know?

pliskin · Nov 24, 2007, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by headache

Do you folks think it's a bad idea to do this? I can't deal with this anymore, I want to know where we stand you know?

OK man, I'll spell it out for you although it may be hard to hear and I say it because I used to be similar. For starters, you are trying so hard to force a resolution that you will eventually force her away and then you can feel better because at least you know where you stand? Doubt it. That's not what you really want, is it? Not being in control sucks so be in control of the only thing you can be in control of. You. Right now, you have given her all the power over you. Take your power back.

Based on how you are reacting to this situation, you probably smother her. She feels suffocated in your relationship. As she pushes you away, you only cling tighter to her and that only makes her want to push farther away. However; if you pull away slightly, she responds. For example, you moved out and now she calls you all the time. Yet when you actually see her, I am sure you are trying so hard to 'prove' yourself to her, she just pushes away again. If you pull away, which is the exact opposite of what you think you should be doing, she will pull closer to you. If you see her, just have fun.

Alos, don't be so available. Go do things on your own or with friends. Be busy and once in awhile when she says she wants to see you, say you have plans with friends. Don't always answer the phone when she calls. It seems like mind games and to a degree it is but it shouldn't be. You should always have a healthy life outsife of your relationship with her anyway. Doing things on your own, without her gives her a chance to miss you.

pliskin · Nov 24, 2007, 05:16 PM

ONE MORE THING: This same thing works with sex. Again, I dn;t know you but based on your posts you probably chase her around the house like a puppy dog begging for sexual 'table scraps.' You may not think you come off that way but I bet that is how she feels. Stop doing that. Women love confidence and EVERYONE loves that thing they can't have. The more you do to take care of yourself by having outside interests, going to the gym, etc. YOu will feel better about yourself and she will notice. Be a little un-attainable. When she says jump, don't always say "how high?" You naturally think that is what she really wants but in reality, she wants you to be a man and you are not acting like a man so ultimately, she loses respect for you and that's when you get into deep trouble.

headache · Nov 26, 2007, 07:27 AM

Well, she is moving out because she wants more space, and thinks it may help things, although I don't have a good feeling about this and I'm pretty sure we'll will break up within a couple months

headache · Nov 26, 2007, 07:29 AM

Also the post was based on sex, because I first posted it in the adult sexuality forum, before all these other problems started happening, then the post got moved to the relationship forum. All of this did stem from that, but that's not what it has come to be

headache · Nov 26, 2007, 12:53 PM

What should I do? Should I try and bring some romance back, or should I just end it now to get the suffering over with sooner. Or should I wait and see how things play out?

Please help me out, your advice is appreciated

Applejacks83irv · Nov 26, 2007, 05:06 PM

I know its killing you.. but I think you need to be the cool cat and let her play it out, let her step in her own trap.. so keep your cool that what guys don't do at frist in the break upthey freak out LOL! And that's why they never had a chance to fixs things. So sit back and relax and lte the chip fall were they may. And she going to call you so don't pick up give some time to miss you. From the time she call you, call her in two weeks from that day. The key homey is to keep your cool stay clam act like it don't bug you because you been with her for so long .

Q1212 · Dec 17, 2007, 09:25 AM

Hey Headache. I was just wondering since its been a while how you delt with this? My girlfriend and I are going through almost the same situation. I had this feeling that some days she loved me and oculdnt wait to c me and some days she didn't act like she gave a crap. I talked to her yesterday night and she told me how she loved me so much and can't picture her life without me but she isn't attracted to me anymore and that she felt like she didn't like me. I don't know how to deal with it. How did you deal with it?