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whitehawk · Sep 26, 2007, 02:46 PM

It's hard at the beginning but things do get better. You know when you have found the right person when you don't have to try.

s_cianci · Sep 26, 2007, 03:04 PM

Reread your post. You've answered most of your own questions.

I did eveything he wanted me to do. He saw me whenever he wanted or had "time for me". I was always there for him.. Gave him money when he needed without expecting anything but love from him.. took him to work, bought him food, treated him when we would go out, you name it I did it for him..

You were the perfect "sugar momma." You did it all for him and he didn't have to lift a finger to contribute in any way to your "relationship." You were taken advantage of and you let it happen. Now, look at all the red flags that should have been obvious from the start:

He never wanted to go to parties, family gatherings, clubs or out with my friends... he just always wanted to be home alone with me.. He said" he wanted to have me all to himself" He never even introduced me to his family or wanted to meet mine...

I'm sorry to break it to you so bluntly, but he never loved or cared about you. He just enjoyed all the things you did for him. Frankly I'm surprised he stuck around for 5 years, albeit with 3 "intermissions." Chalk this up as a learning experience. The next time you find a boyfriend, be sure not to love him more than you love yourself, at least not before he says "I do."

s_cianci · Sep 26, 2007, 03:09 PM

I also have to agree with several of the other posters who've suggested that there may be someone else in the wings.

Foxy459459 · Sep 27, 2007, 03:10 AM

Lose the jerk, there is no way in hell that he deserves a good person like you, I know it hurt like hell right now, but believe me 5months down the road you are going to be so thankful that you got away from him! You are too much of a good person to be treated like he treated you!

mon3yca15 · Sep 27, 2007, 07:15 AM

Thank you all once again... I have to agree with all of you... I just hope I he never calls again... I can't confront him... any one knows what to do if he does look for me..?

GlindaofOz · Sep 27, 2007, 07:18 AM

Ignore him.

If he calls don't answer. If he shows up at your home don't answer the door. If he sees you out someplace and approaches you there is nothing saying that you have to talk to him. Be polite but don't talk to him and walk away. You don't owe him anything. Remember that.

Foxy459459 · Sep 27, 2007, 07:29 AM

Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

Ignore him.

If he calls don't answer. If he shows up at your home don't answer the door. If he sees you out someplace and approaches you there is nothing saying that you have to talk to him. Be polite but don't talk to him and walk away. You don't owe him anything. Remember that.

Glinda is so right on the money here. I know its going to be hard, but you have to find the strangth to walk away and not take his calls. Try and go out with your girlfriends and meet new people. Don't allow this jerk to take anymore advantage of you then he already has. Its not fair to you. You deserve so much better! Remember that you are a good person and you deserve someone that is going to do as much for you as you do for them!

talaniman · Sep 27, 2007, 03:20 PM

You should be mad as heck if he ever shows his face again. Just remember how you feel now.

mon3yca15 · Sep 28, 2007, 07:09 AM

I will try to do my best and ignore him if he calls or looks for me... I just hope this is over really soon... I'm seriously tired of all this I just didn't know what to do...

Foxy459459 · Sep 28, 2007, 07:18 AM

Why don't you try going out with your girlfriends and meeting some new people. I know it's a lot easier said then done but it does work. It did for me anyway. You need to keep busy, and try to keep your mind off things. Im not saying going out and find someone to bring home, just try and makie some new friends, now its time to go out and enjoy yourself for yourself you know? That really is the first step. You have to start taking care of yourself. Get up, take a shower, put something nice on, do your hair and makeup, do yourself right now. When you look good you feel good about yourself. Try something like that I hope everything works out for you and I hope you feel better...

Zell · Sep 28, 2007, 11:18 AM

Don't walk away from him RUN away! This guys seems like a real t**t. If he tries to call/contact you just ignore him. You seem like a really nice person, there's nothing wrong with that of course, but some people do like to take advantage sometimes, it sucks but it happens. You can do better, there's plenty of good guys out there (like me :cool: ) that will treat you right. Don't waste anymore time on this guy.

mon3yca15 · Oct 2, 2007, 07:53 AM

It's been a long month and I'm pulling through it.. I haven't looked for him and he hasn't looked for me.. I hope it stays this way so I can try to move on with my life... the only thing I want is for this feeling of anger and sadness to go away.. I go out with my girlfriends but when I get home late at night I feel worse... any thoughts?

smoothy · Oct 2, 2007, 08:14 AM

Move on.. find a guy that's going to give you more respect than this one. Most guys won't treat the person they care about like a door mat. You deserve better. Just consider it a learning experience as to what to avoid. Don't assume all guys are such cads however.

talaniman · Oct 2, 2007, 05:07 PM

Smoothy is right, you have learned and be smarter next time. You deserve a lot better, and don't forget that!!

GlindaofOz · Oct 2, 2007, 05:16 PM

Originally Posted by mon3yca15

it's been a long month and i'm pulling through it.. i haven't looked for him and he hasn't looked for me.. i hope it stays this way so i can try to move on with my life... the only thing i want is for this feeling of anger and sadness to go away.. i go out with my girlfriends but when i get home late at night i feel worse... any thoughts?

Its typical. Its only been a month. It takes a while to work through that anger stage especially in a situation like yours where you gave so much and got absolutely nothing back in return. You'll get mad at yourself and you'll get mad at him and eventually it will dissipate.

As for what to do when you get home and start to feel bad. It might help to write in a diary and just get it all out that way you won't have to keep everything bottled up.

friend4u178 · Oct 2, 2007, 05:19 PM

Glinda is right , it just takes time and patience as well. You will feel so much better in another month , hang in there. And as Tal said you deserve better!

Homegirl 50 · Oct 3, 2007, 05:45 AM

You're doing good girl, hang in there. You are going to be fine.

ConfusedandLost · Oct 3, 2007, 07:41 AM

I agree with everyone... take a look back, you did ALL of the work in that relationship. He did very little if any, be glad that it is over and move on. You will be fine... keep your chin up :)

mon3yca15 · Oct 10, 2007, 07:29 AM

Hey guys... I know this is going to sound really dumb of me to say but I feel like calling him... I know that I shouldn't do it and if I do it's jut going to set me back to beginning... I feel soooo bad! Someone help! I don't want to fall again...

smoothy · Oct 10, 2007, 07:39 AM

If you call him then you will now officially deserve whatever you get.