I don't know

one_life · Oct 2, 2005, 04:25 PM

Thanks chery, sorry for my reaction. You've given me sound advise.

Chery · Oct 2, 2005, 10:23 PM

That's OK. I sometimes don't express myself they way you are used to, but I do mean well and NEVER put anyone down, or judge them. I try to give people different points of view to look at to help find 'themselves' as I have myself had extensive therapy and studied psychology after that so that I could help others as I have been helped. Good Luck to you. So, you cold say I'm a 'Jackie of all trades' sort of. :D

one_life · Oct 5, 2005, 03:11 PM

When I just thought she was warming up to me. I don't think she wants to get back with me. It is just this vibe all of a sudden I get from her.

Besides she seems more interested in this other guy at work.

Why would she act like she was interested in me in the last few weeks and then nothing?

I feel like right now. I know when to just give up hoping. I knew it was too good to be true.
What do you guys think? I need a women's perspective. Could I be wrong about my vibes?

PS. If you guys are wondering, I played it easy and cool. I teased her and just talked as friends. She seemed to like it. I never relived my feelings to her.

Chery · Oct 5, 2005, 05:11 PM

She just might have been waiting for you to reveal your feelings, or kept you on the sideline just in case she did not 'land' with the other guy, Anything is possible with relationships. You'll find the right one for you some day, until then, try and treat all with respect and don't put us all in one barrel. Good Luck and look ahead. We all gain something even from negative experiences, just don't let it make you bitter. Keep us posted.

letmeno · Oct 5, 2005, 08:30 PM

Chery could be right. Women do seek out attention from other men "when all else fails".

I can't say for sure that this could be the case but sometimes men do get mixed signals from women. In a few cases, I have casually talked or joked with a male co-worker or friend and some how or another they took it as "she want's me." Just be easy, don't be bitter, some of us do "get away" but when that happens, just throw the line out there and get back at it.

Hope this helps

one_life · Oct 5, 2005, 08:54 PM

I know what you're saying letmeno and chery. I swear I was getting the vibe that she was some how interested in me again. It was a gut feeling. But now I don't get that anymore.

I know for sure this other guy for sure is interested in her. And maybe she is in him.The funny thing is that I remember biggining of last week she was saying how nice and friendly this guy was (it was like she was trying to get me jealous and maybe make my move). And still after that she still showed that she was interested in me(the whole of last week). Some how I've been getting nothing from her these few last days.

Wildcat21 · Oct 6, 2005, 10:47 AM

Don't share your feelings! Be busy. Cut the contact down a lot.

"if you guys are wondering, I played it easy and cool. I teased her and just talked as freinds. She seemed to like it. " - keep that up. NO Pressure ON HER, br the fun guy.

Don't worry about other guys. Woman WILL test you ane see if you're jealous. My gal early on started talking about other guys - I just said I have two other gals I am deciding on as well - that shut her up. And then I said I don't care about any other guy you're interested in - don't tell me that stuff again.

It's all tests - if you learn about woman's tests you're way ahead of the game.

WHY are you talking with her every day at thispoint?? WHY?? WHY??

I think you've put too much importance in this one gal. Not good for business. See, when you put a woman ahead of yourself you create heartache. There are other things in life - work, school, workouts, friends, family, hobbies - all are equal importance. She is part of your life. Not your life.

Chery · Oct 6, 2005, 02:03 PM

Boy Wildcat, you must have been hurt real bad by some woman in your past! Where do you meet your women,and how can you live with yourself being such a negative individual? There is a lot you need to work out yet and I'm not sure that even you know where to start.

Jealousy is a green monster that eats you up inside. Those that try to make others jealous are insecure themselves. Why encourage other impressionable men to be so negative about life, just because you have a problem to solve within?

Life puts you through enough tests as it is so there is no need to 'test' each other further or be bitter over a few mistakes for the rest of your life. The only thing you know about women is the experience you've had with them and your reactions. Just as we all - for every action there is a reaction, positive or negative. But if we don't learn from it and go on then bitterness takes over and riuns things for you and those you have relationships with.

With all the things that have happened to me in my life, before I was even born, I should be a vindicative, man-hating witch with a capital 'B'. But I also see the good in people and the hopes and fears they have, and come to realize that it does no good at all to be bitter and let things eat me up inside. I've learned a lot in my life and know how rough it can be, but I try to help others overcome their bitterness and hatred. We can't change others, only ourselves, and pass on what we learned in hopes they don't suffer as we did. That's the only thing we can do, is to present alternatives and encouragement.
Lately however, all your alternatives have been so negative that it would be painful to physically be around you. 'Heartache' is part of life no matter what age, just as happiness is, otherwise we would not be able to tell the difference and grow.

No person is 100% perfect, be they male or female and influence has a lot to do with gaining the confidence we all need to go on. Otherwise we could all jump off a cliff every time something does not go exactly as we expect it to. Or take our ball out of the court and go home.. Kids do that, not adults.
One life is talking with her ever day at this point because he works in the same workplace, and is still optimistic about life. We really don't have any right to take that away from him. And, unfortunately no body is ever ahead of the game, as you put it because every one is different and some don't look at this as a 'game' - thank goodness.
Plus, a relationship is not a business or a deal up for negotiation. If it were, then there would be less emotion, and more houses of ill-repute (for both sexes) and less children except those that are produced out of rape, and raised by single parents who teach bitterness, not love for one another. Ergo, there would be no need for 'friends' or family either.
Yes, there are other things in life, but in my opinion there is nothing better than being held in warmth, the knowledge that someone cares and will be there for me, and being able to comfort him when needed. It is no fun at all being lonely, despite hobbies, workouts, etc. It is sharing and caring that's important to me and most others. That is what makes us human.
Animals take care of 'business' to procreate and fight to be the 'leader of the pack' without emotions, where the females chose them for their partners, but it's in their nature, not our's. OK, now I'm off the soapbox, it's someone else's turn.

Wildcat21 · Oct 6, 2005, 03:04 PM

Sorry hun. Not bitter at all. I just know what women want. Most guys don't know how to behave around women. I don't teach mean.

Women Don't want a soft, sentive, clingy/needy, nice, agreeable guy - ever. You want guys with a spine, who has their own life. A guy who calls them 5 times a day to check up on them.

And WOMEN TEST MEN UNTIL THE DAY THE DIE. Always and forever.

He needs to learn how to deal with woman - heartache is avoidable.

Your post pretty much proved my point.

The caring part comes later. He needs to PROVE he is a man and can live with her or without her. This guy needs to change. He doesn't have her and he is KILLING all her attraction in him. She is most likely just as bummed out about as him.

It's funny because I get a lot of this - women telling me I am wrong and then the guy the go for is acts the right way. I am sure you want some guy who is a lap dog that you can walk all over? Go for the soft sensitive guy who puts you on a pedestal and tell me how that works for you and your feelings? Ok?

He has to show has a spine and can stand up to her.

My gal loves me because I don't put up with her crap (all women do tests), tease her, treat her well, never mean, bust on her, I am passionate about her, we long conversations, arguments, get alone great.

Chery · Oct 6, 2005, 05:50 PM

Good for you WC if you are happy. I don't want a lap dog, got a cat for that, his picture is in my profie. But I don't want a whuss(sp) or 'caveman' either. I have one that's in between and am quite comfortable with him despite his chauvy attitude sometimes. I've gone from wife-beaters to crybabies and I know what I want now, but did not before - it's all a learning process . I'm certain each 'pot' finds his/her 'lid' eventually.

letmeno · Oct 6, 2005, 07:36 PM

If you got a sec to spare, I want to tell you a short story. I dated a guy for almost 3 years. It went well between us, but we ended up breaking up, he wanted it, not me. I went on with my life, all was well and then we ran into each other again. Seven years later. I had matured, womanhood agreed with me and so did he.
To make a long story short, I toyed with him. Just to see if I could get him to go there, just to see if he was still intrested in me. Of course I went on a date with him to see if there was anything salvagable between us, to see if we could be friends, to see if there was any feelings for him left, to see if there was any chemistry between us @ all. I knew he had a girl and I wanted to see if he was still the lying cheating dog that he always had been, yup! He was!
To make a short story even shorter, I was just testing the waters to see for myself what it was that I ever saw in him, if he still had feelings for me, and I was curious to know had he learned anything in the past seven years. When my curiosity was put to ease, I simply vanished on him into thin air. I briefly dated him again out of curiosity. Some of it was about him, but most of it was about me!
Yes, it is true, we do test men... quite often as a matter of fact.
Just take the situation for what it is... a friendship. Until this girl makes up her mind if she wants you or the other guy, keep conversations short and simple. Joke with her, laugh with her but keep it simple.

Wildcat21 · Oct 6, 2005, 08:08 PM

You also confused dating with a relationship.

He doesn't have relationship. He is TRYING to win her back and BEHAVE properly. He seems reall soft and sensitive. Evict the inner Wuss - no women wants that,

He ouzes soft.

"I was always careful about not dissapionting her." Reall bad for business. Real bad. You need a spine and an opinion. I am sure you always worried not to uposet her - here is a little secret - women LIKE to get mad and angry sometimes - it WILL happen - the ycan't control it. If she feels she can't get upset with you - she will leave. It's called feelings and emotions.

You SHOULD do your own things!

Wildcat21 · Oct 6, 2005, 08:15 PM

"Yes, it is true, we do test men....quite often as a matter of fact."

Guys need to learn about woman's tests or they WILL lose.

Once you're int the relationship for a long time you can go a little soft, but still keep the mystery.

PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE. - Your gal can have you. Get it?

THAT WHICH IS CHASED RUNS!! Quit the chasing so much.

Be busy when she tries to talk. Stop being ga love sick puppy.

Chery · Oct 7, 2005, 04:02 AM

To one life: listen to your 'gut feelings' they are usually messages from loved ones who have passed away and are still protective of you (I have 3 and always listen, as when I don't, things go wrong). Stand tall and 'fail' her test.. She made a choice a while back and hurt you - therefore you might not be able to forgive her for that and the relationship will not work if you have any doubts at all. Gain your self-confidence back (throw away those 'mixed feelings') and go on with your life. Some of us women DON'T play 'games' anymore, as they get very tired after a while and take too much energy. Keep us posted and Good Luck in finding the right one. There is also nothing wrong with doing those little things to show your appreciation, but you have to have a positive response to them too. That's only fair. If a woman can't show her appreciation, she's not worth it, and vice-versa.

To letmeno: Good for you, you also went through enough and have learned to know what you want. This helps you give good advice. I tried to rate you,but it would not let me, so here's my 'public' :cool: to you!

Little 'spats' to me are not games or tests, they keep things alive and are fun, especially the making-up while the heartrate is still high. And if there is no humor or mystery (as WC says) . Things get 'dry' and old.

one_life · Oct 10, 2005, 04:23 AM

My question is, how do I keep her interest in me, when I'm always there at work. She see me for 8 hours a day (because of the setup). I know the previous no contact thing worked, because as soon as she moved to my dept, she started to act interested. Now it will be difficult to do that. Any advise?

Chery · Oct 10, 2005, 04:51 AM

Just be yourself. Apparently it did work so far. If you really want her, and will not throw her past at her at every opportunity, then converse with her about common interest, the job, and watch for more signals. Young people still feel the need to 'play games' and if you want to stay in this game, then even ask her out to a movie, etc. If she agrees, you are one step further. Tell you the truth, I'm glad I am out of the 'game playing' court. It's never easy and there is no 'rule book' in any relationship. You just have to 'feel' your way through, and might fall down, but when that happens please pick yourself up and go on. Those 'what if' and 'but when' thoughts will always be there for us all - sometimes our choices are right, sometimes wrong, they are all part of gaining experiences and learning from them.
***My rule on relationships at the workplace differ from others, I never started any and am glad I did not as no matter what comes out of them, the stress is still there and distracts from work. Good Luck to you. Hope you 'win'..

Originally Posted by one_life

My question is, how do I keep her interest in me, when I'm always there at work. She see me for 8 hours a day (because of the setup). I know the previous no contact thing worked, because as soon as she moved to my dept, she started to act interested. Now it will be difficult to do that. Any advise?

letmeno · Oct 11, 2005, 01:02 PM

Originally Posted by one_life

My question is, how do I keep her interest in me, when I'm always there at work. She see me for 8 hours a day (because of the setup). I know the previous no contact thing worked, because as soon as she moved to my dept, she started to act interested. Now it will be difficult to do that. Any advise?

Yes, keep @ it. I know exactly how you feel. To see someone everyday, and not really know what to do about it, sneaking peeks and trying not to make it obvious. I guess this type of thing would be a piece of cake for me because I'm a hard a** but this will work.

Wildcat21 · Oct 11, 2005, 01:26 PM

Personally, I WOULD NOT CHASE HER - that which is chased RUNS!! DON'T BE pursuing her at all. Don't ask her out, don't ask her to do things for now.

BE HAPPY, BE BUSY, HAVE EXCITING THINGS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE, GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS A LOT, I highly recommend working out - maybe that being running, health clubs, etc. - GET NEW HOBBIES

IF She sees a change in you she will come back. Be good to her. Listen to her. Don't do things for her - no buying lunch or flowers etc.

DATE!!

RULE #1 - learn about woman and relationships. Do you hear me? Learn about woman and relatinships. Guys are clueless at this and woman eat them a live.

Go to www.askmen.com and read every article on dating NOW!

Go to www.love-tacics.com and read ALL the free articles - especially on win back - IT will save 1 million mistakes.

Chery · Oct 11, 2005, 02:31 PM

Hi wildcat.. Love, you seem to be putting on the same record lately. Check your CAPS and change it around a bit. We get your drift though. And like he said before, he already tried the 'cool' part and it worked, now he's interested in the next step.

TTFN, Chery

Wildcat21 · Oct 11, 2005, 02:59 PM

That is the next step. This is going to take time. She is isn't going to rush into his arms anytime soon. He still seems a little soft and unsure of himself. Women can smell that a mile a way. I know weight lifting gave me all the confidence in the world.