[Homegirl 50]

Sounds like a case of jealousy and childishness. Get over it.

[mikehst]

Hah can't believe you still say that after I waste an hour writing all that. Ah enough about jealousy and revenge. You get it all wrong. I told one of my friends (whom I thought she liked) to be careful w/ her. I'm not really up to telling other people. And he did listen... The girl's calling me telling me she don't want nobody else and she told me to "wait until I moves then ur all mine" I was like hah I'll believe when I see it. And I told her a lot must be done to change things. Anyway I still think that a lot of peoples comments are completely ignorant and have no empathy. EMPATHY is a big word. If you can't express that then you can't give your opinionated advice to anyone effectively. By the way thanks Ash for your support. I did not write that out of pain but just noticing how ridiculous these people who think they know what they are talking about are. No brains to feel what it was like.

[talaniman]

Sorry, you feel that way, but in fairness I doubt everyone read your last post.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ts-127175.html

[chuff]

Mike I just read all this and I've got to tell you that the one thing I don't see mentioned here is the fact this guy is not your friend. Why is he dating someone you went out with? Call it bro's before ho's or guy code or just being a good friend the reality is your friend can't be trusted and doesn't value your friendship for doing this to you. I think you should drop them both from you life.

[Ash123]

By the way thx Ash for your support. I did not write that out of pain but just noticing how ridiculous these people who think they know what they are talking about are. No brains to feel what it was like.

No problem.

I hope each day gets better and I also really hope if this girl circles back you are strong enough to see that you are going to get hurt again - and use that reality to create a safe distance so you can get your head back. You have a lot of strong feelings in you - and you two together are a toxic cocktail. Even though she has been hurt in the past and has in turn hurt others, I think you will be happier trying to help someone else. Just a thought.

[Wondergirl]

Anyway I still think that alot of peoples comments are completely ignorant and have no empathy. EMPATHY is a big word. If you can't express that then you can't give your opinionated advice to anyone effectively.

Empathy? You don't think we have empathy?? All of us over 18 who answered you have been down this road more than once and want to protect YOU the way no one protected any of us back then.

Empathy is not, "Oh you poor baby. She'll come to her senses and come back to you" or agreeing with you by saying, "Yes, tell the world what she is and destroy her name and make sure she never has a boyfriend".

Empathy is knowing exactly what you've gone through and advising you to do what most of us didn't have the moral courage to do--keep your own counsel (i.e. shut up about what you think of her) and move on.

[Ash123]

There is some good advice on here.
And beyond that I think you need to be aware that this girl and you are toxic.
From what I read it seems like you have some demons that you are sorting through -
And there is no ONE right answer. Perhaps.. other than learning to face these demons.

[mikehst]

No "oh you poor baby" is not empathy. Empathy is showing you know what the person has been through and in turn relating to it... If you can't you might as well keep it closed. And that guy was my best friend. Listen over time you learn things. It turned out in reality that he just thought she liked him but he is a good friend of mine and she knows him too so they are going to talk. But most of the things they ever talked about was me n her lol. I tried to show how that changed and somehow I wish I could change the damn heading to this question to something like"should I think she's hitting on my friend". My apologies and regrets but what I said stands. I'm not expecting to be said "oh poor baby" too lmao. That would be ridiculous. And you you probably do know what people have been through but trust me everybody's loss is completely unique. You need to treat it that way and just not say forget about it. It isn't as easy as that. Maybe a cocnept to put yourself at peace would help a lot of people. Like how to break up with the girl/guy but maintain some contact through a friendship in the future. Some people's advice consider to complete ex-communicate with the person but that makes it harder and is unnecessary. And the thing is after I talked to her I realized that I was wrong and her Mom led her to do all these things so I can't blame her. She's going through and I don't want to make it worse. At the time when I got all worked up to make the question was the day after we broke up. Things are much clearer now and It she never ever wanted to break up with me... I am not going into another relationship anyway. She still wants me there for her and I guess I'm an understanding person so you. I'm there for my friends and she is my friend. A great one. So w/e I'm just letting people know that things are fine now and wasn't a really bad break up. She doesn't and never wanted to go out with that kid. My friend was just insecure over talking to her when his good friend goes out with her. So before he feels like he's going to get his azz kicked, he tells me this. Everyhing's fine, great and I'm all set. I still want to thank everyone for their advice because it all contributed to me bringing it all together and concluded what I should have believed and shouldn't have. I think if more people had more thoughtful responses, they wouldn't have so many posts on their record LOL. Mine are always huge because there's a lot to go through to help the person BE AT PEACE WITH THEMSELVES AND THEIR PARTNER. That is important to me and you can all hate me or love me for it idc. Understanding why it ended and dealing with it in the best way makes both people feel better about it and makes it easier to move on with a smile on their face. And LOL Ash ty for all repsonses. They are funny yet understandable =)

[mikehst]

See Homegirl is a perfect example saying"get over it" lmao. They don't realize how much of a**h0les they are. And Wondergirl you're assuming that I'm talking about you so you must have no empathy xD. If you've seen half the posts on this website you'd know what I mean. And MAYBE you guys do have empathy but don't use it in you're response(s). Unless you just "got over it" then fk off!!

[Wondergirl]

after i talked to her I realized that I was wrong and her Mom led her to do all these things so I can't blame her. She's going through and I don't wanna make it worse. At the time when I got all worked up to make the question was the day after we broke up. Things are much clearer now and It she never ever wanted to break up with me...I am not going into another relationship anyway. She still wants me there for her and I guess I'm an understanding person so ya. I'm there for my friends and she is my friend. A great one. So w/e I'm just letting people know that things are fine now and wasn't a really bad break up. She doesn't and never wanted to go out with that kid. My friend was just insecure over talking to her when his good friend goes out with her.

So our advice was good not to trash her to others or even to your best friend. (Btw, her family situation was never part of this thread, so many of us, including me, who had responded here did not know of that other thread about her.)

I'm glad she's a great friend after all and that there's a happy ending.

There's a lesson in this to all of us: Don't panic and rail for all the world to see and then get upset with advice offered by well-meaning people who haven't been told the whole story. Let a little time go by. The situation may resolve itself quite quickly in a way you couldn't have imagined 24 hours ago.

[mikehst]

Ah well I'm sorry I had all this posted in another question called something like "my gf since Ive been going out with her has acted very mysterious" All of that is explained in that one.

[talaniman]

EMPATHY is a big word.

Sorry you didn't get enough empathy from those who have been in your shoes, but we can only respond to what you have written, and if giving more info was an attempt to get EMPATHY, and us to agree to your course of action, you have failed miserably. I don't doubt your being smart at all, but disparaging those who are trying to help, is not the way to go, and will get no empathy from me at all, since you chose to single me out. I gave you the truth, and if it hurt your feelings, tough, suck it up, and use your smarts to digest the information, and use it to make better decisions in regard to your own life.

[mikehst]

ah I just don't like the "get over it thing". I have seen tons of people say it in posts with no strings attached. I'm not really talking about mine as much as others. And it was directed to them. It's just one thing I noticed. I'm not saying all people did it. It's just from reading like 1000 posts that I realized how people who were told to "get over it" and such ended up putting posts that they were worse off after being told to just forget about it. And when I was told that, I didn't see how I would after someone said that's what I should do and I ended up thinking about it more. I wouldn't have just gotten over it that easy anyway. There were still things that were twisted in my mind and I thought ADVICE would help me. My main example would be how at the time, I didn't know that she was leaving me because of her mom. If I knew that I would have just said to hell with her mom and stuck with her as a friend. Now I know this and things will be fine but now I can't talk to her on the phone If they are around. I'll just talk to her in school. Don't matter anymore. Neither of us wanted it to end and she had to because she didn't want to keep the relationship a secret. It was too painful and I said the same thing. Her mom did it and that's the bottom line. I still thank everyone for their advice but instead of assuming things, I think you should ask more questions if you don't understand something. Not for just me. I don't care about me. I mean anyone. Maybe people will somehow in the future if they want to help more, take this little advice from my point of view. I don't want to put ANYONE at complete fault but just maybe make them realize something I noticed and possibly use it. When I speak... I have noticed that people take me more seriously than I intend to be in everyday life! Empathy... I don't know. Wasn't my main annoyance. I'm sure people understand what It's like I mean how can they not? My point is just don't waste your time telling someone to get over it. I'm truly sorry for anything I may be faulted by but I still want to thank everyone for even laying down their fingers to their keyboard to respond to my problem. You didn't need to but you did and spent your time dedicating your point of view into my point of view. I guess I should have waited and found out what really happened before I started assuming things. If I did, I would know now what it was and I'd be posting about a break up that wasn't so bad. But I can't help feeling that my break up was much different from the few and I don't want to sound special. All I really want to say to sum things up is that you shouldn't assume too much from what people say in one post. Find out more and give them you're best advice. Honestly, nobody wants to try to build a house if they don't have all the tools they need.