[s_cianci]

You're doing the right thing so far. Keep it up and keep working on your trust issues. You don't want to be calling or contacting her constantly and she's not going to do it either ; that's what led to your initial breakup. Keep living your life and working on your trust issues. Check in with her occasionally and keep it brief when you do, with no mention of a relationship. She seems to care for you but is uncertain because of your trust issues. Working on that is a good thing. But she also has to realize that it's a two-way street. She broke with you and if she eventually wants to get back with you then she's got to keep her foot in the door too, so to speak. Otherwise you have every right to go on with your life and to meet and date others. Actually, it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to do just that.

[Joe2982]

At this point it is hard for me to see myself without her. Just that when we saw each other for the first time in a month last week, it was weird at first. I just do not know what more to do. I feel that if I contact her at all without her making the initial contact, I am showing that she has all the power and I am needy, or I cannot live without her. I have been in therapy over a month now, when is it time to address the relationship issues? SHe told me she is going away with family to miami and honduras. I figured this break would just run to the end of the summer, but I am having my doubts. I love her very much... but I do not know how she really feels. She tells me she wants to work on the relationship, but that was a month ago. No talk of the relationship hase come up since. Is there anything else I can do?

[Joe2982]

I am at the point where I feel as if she doesn't care anymore since I have not heard from her. From when her and I last spoke it sounded like she was taking all the steps to move on with her life. She said she was making new friends, and doing new things. It hurts that I am not included in this at all. I do not know if she is just trying to keep me on the back burner, or if she sincerely cares for me and wants to work on us.

[talaniman]

You both must get a life that does not revolve around each other to balance your lives. It is dangerous and unhealthy to build a life around someone else. If you let your fears and insecurities rule your decision making, your asking for long term trouble. As it is your mind is assuming the worse, so that tells me you have issues that must be addressed and resolved. Focus on identifying and overcoming these fears and insecurities, and let her do the same for now. Before you can work on a relationship you must first work on yourself.

[mckenzie134]

If she really cared about you she wouldn't have done this to you in the firat place!! That's prety simple you cantse that cause you are blinded by the heartache an thefear of losing her.. At this point in time she does not see you as the one who she wants tospend her life with ican tell you that right now... If you were she would be withyou.

A lot of people complicate there relationships but it you think with a clear ind if she really wantedto be with youwould she need to have a break. No she would not need a break.\

Although this is not saying that a break will make her realise you sre the one and this will be done by her missingyou an wanting you in her life... While you are in the relationship it is very importantto kepher missing you nstay a challenge this keepsher believing you are the one and she will be lost without you in her lfe crating a fear of losing youwhich triggers her emotions to say she could not be without you which she defines as she loves you.

People have funny ideas about love and say stuff lke I just know I love him. This is not true love is created it is not just in your hed , it is made and created from making someone feel likethey need you and mis youwhen you are not around and as time goes on in therelationship they cannot imaginebeing without you and also wheneve theyneed approval or something theyonly require it from you...

Don't get fooled here your relationship is pretty simple and no matter what garbage she feeds you at this stage there is only one thing to do and that is ABOSLUTELY Nothing!!

Do not try andwin her back do not beg her back do not need to do anything ,you must buikd thetension and recreate the feelings and these will come with her missing you from her life and believing she wants you in her life. When an if she does call don't be an idiot and answer, don't answer this will create more tenision she will want to talk to you enven more...

[Joe2982]

You know what... I think your right. If she really cared about and loved me, then she would not have done this. It is not fair that I have to sit and wait for her to decide when she wants to get back. I have had it with this whole situation. My therapist even suggested that she may not really care for me if she was doing this. If she really wanted to work on the relationship, her and I would still be together working on this stuff together. It hurts that it took me 2 years of my life to relaize that she does not really care for me. I think it is time that I pick up the pieces and move on with my life. I know there are other people out there that will love me and treat me with a lot more respect than what I have been shown this last month. At this point in my life I am very angry and upset with her and this whole situation. What's weird is that 1 week before all of this we had our 2 year anniversary and she was so excited and wished for many more. Just after 1 week she decided that she wanted space. Its time I move on with my life.

[samesame]

Patience. Don't get insecure and/or show her you are... that's the reason things went bad in the first place. It's only been a couple of days, and from what it sounds she is still interested in the possibility of fixing things. That is a good sign. Don't mess it up. Wait a few more days. Show her you are strong and give her time to come back to you on her own. In a week or two if you still haven't heard from her, like Tal said, send her a "how are you doing?" text, something like that, see how she reacts to it and take it from there.

I'm going through something similar, but with less hope. So I know how you feel. But hang in there.

[Joe2982]

It is almost 2 weeks since I heard anything from her. I do not know what she wants anymore. I feel if I come out an contact her, it looks like a breakdown on my part. I feel that any contact between us has to come from her. I do not want to force her into having contact with me.

[samesame]

After 2 years, 2 weeks isn't that long. You're right that if you contact her "it looks like a breakdown on my part. I feel that any contact between us has to come from her." Unfortunetly that's the only way to go for now. You think she's never going to call or contact you again? Of course she is. It's just a matter of time. Wait one more week and see what happens, then reconsider your options and see what you want and feel like doing.

[Joe2982]

I felt that she had a few things planned this summer like a vacation, with her family and other things that I would have had a problem with in the past. I thought that she wanted this summer to be free to do those things without the pressure of a boyfriend. Once the summer is over, I thought I might see her trying to bring the relationship back up and work on it then.

[samesame]

Yeah, I used to be like that too with my ex. And now she has all these plans this summer too and is enjoying things independently because we're apart she doesn't feel the pressure/guilt/stress anymore that I probably used to make her feel before.

She probably felt smothered before. This time apart could be a good thing but you have to keep in mind that there are no guarantees, either way, the way I see it, you really don't have a choice here. So yeah, take it one step at a time. I've been no contact for two weeks too now (after a 4 year relationship which looks like it has no hope), so I know how you feel. One week at a time. If nothing changes and you feel the urge to contact her next week, ask some people on this site and get some opinions/advice/encouragement - that's worked for me so far. You've been strong and made it to two weeks. That's a good sign. Hang in their and keep taking care of yourself.

[Joe2982]

I understand that there are no guarantees... but I just do not know what to expect anymore. I do feel that the best thing I can do is just move on with my life. Whatever will happen I will leave to fate I guess. I just did not think things would come to this extreme.

[Sdjosh]

Ok... I agree that you should not have any expectations. That sets you up for failure. But I don't agree about moving on. If you love her then fight for her. But you have to fight for yourself first. Get to a place where you are happy again... with just being you.


Many people just don't get that statement. When you are happy you are confident... attractive... strong. Isn't that what she was attracted to in the first place?

[Joe2982]

This is very true... but I feel as if I am not going to have that chance to show her again. I definitely am taking the steps to be happy with myself again. I am back in the gym, spending time with all my friends, and going away in August. However, I feel if I do anything, I will push her further away. When does the relationship get worked on?

[samesame]

Sdjosh, but how do you fight for her while giving her her space? It's contraditory isn't it? I think that's the answer everyone is looking for.

[Sdjosh]

This is very true...but I feel as if I am not going to have that chance to show her again. I definitly am taking the steps to be happy with myself again. I am back in the gym, spending time with all my friends, and going away in August. However, I feel if I do anything, I will push her further away. When does the relationship get worked on?

Its not something either of you can work out. It just kind of works its self out. All you can do at this point is what you are doing. You are on the right track. Being happy again.

Give it time. My strategy was when she called... bring up nothing about the relationship... problems... hurt... pain. Talk about the now. What I'm doing. Be fun... cheerful. You don't want to relive those bad experiences. You want to get past them. Grow from them.

[Joe2982]

That's what I am asking as well.

[Joe2982]

Will I ever hear from this girl again?

[Sdjosh]

Haha... I guess that was contradictory. But I didn't give up. I new that I had to fix myself. Be on my own because in the 7 years we had lived together I had gotten into a rut. I had lost who I was and molded my life around her. She had done the same. Even though I didn't understand her leaving at the time, I look back and see it as the best thing for the both of us. We both needed a chance to figure out being just us again.

[samesame]

And if you don't, is there ever an appropriate time when you should contact them again?