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anneli769 · Jun 10, 2008, 01:10 AM

I have a question to ask.. How do you know when your boyfriend are really and truly into you or if he is just with you because he don't know how to leave you? I know someone who's boyfriend felt obliged to ask her to marry him, now they are not together anymore

cfloveu · Jun 10, 2008, 04:26 AM

In love, it is really important that each one knows each one completely. When one has understood much about her boy friend and if she finds any changes in him, as compared to the way he was earlier, then it is time to ask for "WHY"? And that just doesn't mean that he is changed and wants to change his girl friend all together. In such case it is better to speak out.
And if the boyfriend does really ignores your words and your feelings and is completely changed , then probably he is thinking of a change.
But What really happened with them?

anneli769 · Jun 10, 2008, 07:55 AM

Hey! Thanks for your reply. They were dating for about 1 and a half years, but they were living 2 hours from each other. Well, to me and everyone else they looked very happy. So this guy asked her to marry him. She said yes and the still went on with "long distance" relationship. Now every time we asked him when is the date he like dug the question.. So, I started wondering. After 2 months he broke up the engament, because he couldn't lie to himself anymore. He spoke to one of his male friends and told them he felt obliged to marry her, because they've together for a while, but he never really was in love with her.. That is what I don't understand, because that girl never knew he felt that way. How will you ever really know?

damaged · Jun 10, 2008, 08:48 AM

That's true... How would you know?. I guess you just got to trust the other person to be truthful & he/she is an then you're screwed... lol... but it really sucks thinking he/she loves you and then finding out they just felt "sorry" that's why they stayed!

JBeaucaire · Jun 10, 2008, 09:29 AM

You have to give up the need to know. The universe is unknowable. All you can do is your best. Things will work out in the end, but until then, every relationship you have WILL END for some reason. It's pure statistics.

You will like/love/date many men. Just make sure you are being honest about who you are the whole time. Be false for no man and for no feeling. Don't let "love" trick you into being false, changing who you are to serve it.

You can't stop bad things from happening, so take a deep breath and dive in anyway. Best to truly experience the life you lead.

And as for guys, just watch what they DO. That's the measure, never what they say, what they do day after day after day.

starlite1 · Jun 10, 2008, 09:52 AM

This is a question that I'm sure has crossed all of our minds... Damaged is right. You just have to trust, and pay attention to any signs that may make you question the integrity of the person, or signs that really make you say, Wow, this person is true to form.

Actions do speak louder than words..

anneli769 · Jul 9, 2008, 01:53 AM

Hi there everyone! As some of you may already know I am dating a guy that lives 2 hours away from me.. we see each other every weekend, but it's getting rough with the increasing petrol prices at the moment.. We have been dating for 8 months now and we are very happy! The only problem is I always question what he says, I always think maybe he has someone else there where he lives.. He is getting frustrated with me about that! I really try to bite my lip every time I want to distrust him and then just one day I blurt it all out.. What can I do to stop this.. He has never done anything to break my trust, but I still have the feeling that maybe he is doing something wrong and secretly.. I need serious advice! If you guys could please help me, I would really appreciate it!!

talaniman · Jul 9, 2008, 04:21 AM

Without knowing your b/f, I can tell you that those feelings you have, are fairly common to people in LDR's, and caution you to not act on just feelings, without any facts to go on. Its mighty hard to bond, and grow together, or fight back feelings such as yours, when the person is not there to reassure you, or give comfort when you need it.

How long before the distance between you, can be permanently bridged?

Romefalls19 · Jul 9, 2008, 05:11 AM

Your insecurities are getting the best of you, maybe something happened in your past that you second guess everyone's words. You need to sort this out for yourself as there is nothing your boyfriend can do to put your concerns at rest. LDR are tough and do take quite the emotional toll on your relationship. Like Tal asked, how long until you can bridge the gap for good?

anneli769 · Jul 9, 2008, 06:32 AM

Thanks for the replies. Im busy studying at the moment. I need to finish my studies before moving there. He can't move to where I stay, becoz he is running their family business on that side. So it's a bit difficult. I presume it's more or less 2 years.

talaniman · Jul 9, 2008, 07:16 AM

Two years?? That's a long time to deal with these insecurities you have, without him.

I really try to bite my lip every time I want to distrust him and then just one day I blurt it all out..

At the rate your going, you won't have ANY LIPS LEFT TO BITE! The counsel of an older wiser friend may help you vent some of those feelings, at least give you a face to face outlet, to save your lips.

How often, and for how long do you see each other, in person??

anneli769 · Jul 9, 2008, 07:25 AM

We see each other every Friday night till Sunday morning. We spend a lot of time doing nice things together on weekends.. It's so hard I wish sometimes that I could stop, but I struggle.. Sometimes I blame this on my ex, because he cheated on me after 3 years of dating and made the other woman pregnant..

anneli769 · Jul 9, 2008, 07:26 AM

Sorry, I meant every Friday night till Monday morning.

Romefalls19 · Jul 9, 2008, 07:39 AM

I recommend listening to the song by Usher called "His mistakes" as it is about not making him pay for someone else's mistakes. That's like being tried for a crime you didn't commit.

talaniman · Jul 9, 2008, 07:54 AM

Sometimes I blame this on my ex, because he cheated on me after 3 years of dating and made the other woman pregnant..

So your still not over that yet, it seems after 3 years. Could you elaborate on what happened with that pregnancy?

talaniman · Jul 9, 2008, 07:58 AM

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2958727

I am so confused now.

anneli769 · Jul 10, 2008, 02:08 AM

I sometimes think he is the reason that I doubt my current boyfriend so much. Myself and him were dating for three years. It was a wonderful relationship, I never had this trusting problem. Up until one night he went out with his friends and a month later he found out that he was going to be a father with another girl. I then broke up with him.

kamtee · Jul 30, 2010, 06:41 AM

I like a boy and he likes me but my friend is pushing herself on him. Should I fight for him or should I believe that his love for me is over temptation?

karensmonarch · Jul 30, 2010, 07:00 AM

kamtee:
Relationships are tough, that is for sure!
I think your friend is not very nice by pushing herself on a boy that you like. She does know that you like him, right? If she does know, then she has broken a sacred trust held by all girlfriends -- don't date (or try to date) anyone that your friend is dating, or trying to date.
(Some add "boys that you dated in the past" to the list).

I'd let my friend know that she is breaking a sacred trust held by girlfriends all over the world.

As for the boy -- be yourself, be friendly, and realize that most guys hate it when girls are trying too hard. Good luck!

Cat1864 · Jul 30, 2010, 07:14 AM

Please do not use chat speak it is against site rules:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.ph...#faq_faq_rules (#2)

Does your friend know that you like this boy?
How long have you been dating this boy?
Did she like him before you became involved with him?

As for 'fighting' for him, if he likes you as much as you like him, then there shouldn't be a 'fight'. IF he doesn't make his feelings clear about who he wants to be with, walk away. You don't need the drama of trying to deal with a male who can't make up his mind and who gets his ego fed by having two females battle for his favor.