[jennfa]

I can't believe it! Not calling or having any contact REALLY WORKED! After 25 days I sent a letter to him basically saying everything I said in my last post, about being demanding and needy etc. He must have gotten the letter yesturday morning. He called 4 of my phone numbers within 10 minutes but I didn't answer any of them. Finally another 15 minutes later he beeped in when I was talking to my best friend so I answered. We didn't talk about the relationship, just basically caught up and he asked me on a date. I'm going out of town for a few so I told him we could do it last night. He came, we shared a big tight hug and went to dinner. I did not bring up our relationship at all. We just caught up on more stuff. Does turn out though that he has been just working and depressed, but it seems he knew I was out with friends a lot (after week 1 I wasn't going to sit around having a pity party anymore). I did let him spend the night though (probably a mistake) but it was perfect. We have plans for when I get back as well as for a concert in a couple weeks. We will have to have a discussion about us soon and I don't know where this will lead but I know he still loves me and wants to be together. So Thank You ALL so much, and my advice to anyone else in this situation is... no matter how hard it is, DO NOT CALL

[Wildcat21]

Thanks for sharing - This DOES work always. Thats's great!

You make them reflect and think about you. 'miss you' - they EXPECT you to be all needy and clingy - but NO - you move on and stay busy.

They are used to all your smothering AND attention - and when it stops - they are like 'hey wait a minute, what just happened?'

NOW - going forward you need to be less available - have a life, DOn't call him every day - make him call YOU!

No more insecurities, no more jealousys, no more needy. Have OTHER thinsg in your life.

[Wildcat21]

Again - I am happy for you - you gave him time and you did NOT act needy to HIM.

IT MAY have been a TEST by him - even sub-conciously. He needs to know if he needs his space you will give it to him - if he is the Marlboro man type - he may need this from time to time.

If you were all over him in the beginning at the break he would have retreated further.

I KNOW it was hard - but hopefull ygoing forward you can mange this better.

LESS IS MORE!! Always. People want what they can't have.

I am REALLY glad you did not bring up the relationship - KEEP IT LIGHT! No pressure for now. No pressure.

He is part of your life - not you life.

[turtlegirl]

Good for you! Good luck!

I love the old snail mail. People don't expect it, and there's something traditional and respectable about it.

[jennfa]

Wildcat, you're always right on.
In my letter to him, I wrote " I made you my life instead of just a great part of my life" My closing paragraph was "If there is truly no chance for forgiveness or second chances, please let me know so that I can move on with some satisfaction that I tried" I think the 'move on' part may have clinched it,. may never really know. I just know today is the first time in a month I feel like I'm smiling on the inside!

Thanks Again

[Wildcat21]

I am really happy for you - honestly. Glad about the smile.

We're not born with this information. I really think in high school they should have classes on this stuff. You have to learn this stuff to survive and AVOID heartache. Heartache is avoidable.

This is maybe the most important part of our lives and most men are completely clueless.

I know the time aprt was hard - but I am sure WELL worth it.

Sounds like you sent a letter with out cheese ball stuff in it.

Some more tidbits:

When dating, have you wondered why it seems it's the ones that you really don't like whom you can't seem to get rid of and the ones you do like who never seem to stick around? The reason is simple. It's not the person but the way you behave toward them him or her.

What determines interest in another human being is a fascinating thing. Most people are actually on the fence at the start of most relationships. This means that almost every time someone can be swayed toward either liking you or disliking you. And he is moved in either direction - either closer or further - depending on how you relate to him.

You need to behave with the person you don't like the way you've been behaving with the person you do like.

You need to behave with the person you do like the way you've been behaving with the person you don't like.

People want what they can't have. By constantly making yourself available, you're actually diminishing your value. This is not a trick or a game to play, but a function of human nature. Attraction is not a fixed value. This means that what someone thinks about you is determined to a large extent by what you do, not but just who you are or what you look like. The law of scarcity is prevalent and relevant in every area of our lives, especially here. That which is plentiful is often under appreciated and that which is rare is held in high regard and considered valuable. When you are dating someone whom you are not interested in, you tend to make yourself available which is convenient for you. And when you're dating someone who you really like you're consistently available. Do the reverse.

This means when you're dating someone you don't like too much, if you are not baking cookies for him, calling him twice a day asking where the relationship is going, and so on, then don't do it with the person you like. And by the way, when you do this with the ones you don't like, they'll be scared off soon enough, so you've eliminated this problem as well.

Usually to get someone to like you, you want to make yourself available, because this increases liking. If this is so, doesn't it contradict the law of scarcity? Here's what is often misunderstood. If you want someone to like you, then you do indeed want to be in their company fairly often. This is true, but remember that liking is the foundation of every relationship. That means that once you move past the liking stage (meaning the person is already fond of you) and the relationship unfolds into something more serious, then you want to limit your availability.

[fredg]

Hi,
Give him some time. Give him a couple of months or even more.
Don't bug him.
If he really likes you, he will make the next move.
If not, then find someone else.
Best of luck,
fredg

[Wildcat21]

Fred - she's getting him back - they've gotten back together. She gave him his spcae and it worked.

[lickemlolly]

Congrats... now don't mess it up this time hold on to him and NEVER be overbearing and clingy... worst mistake in a rship