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Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 03:20 PM

OMGoodness... that kind of sounds like what I do for my "boyfriend" I try so hard to make him happy... I do so much for him... I feel I do more for him than he does for me... I know I messed up... But you learn to forgive and forget and if you can't do that then it doesn't make sense to be together or talk to each other if its going to be brought up constantly... if she doesn't want to wear the ring doesn't mean you should end things with her... but then I can't say that because if my "boyfriend" and I were engaged and he all of sudden didn't want to wear the ring I wouldn't break up with him I would try to work things out...

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 03:22 PM

You should do what you feel is right... I know its kind of hard because you love her but if your not happy you need to get out... if she's not willing to work things out it doesn't make any sense to be together...

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 03:25 PM

OMGoodness... that kind of sounds like what I do for my "boyfriend" I try so hard to make him happy... I do so much for him... I feel I do more for him than he does for me... I know I messed up... But you learn to forgive and forget and if you can't do that then it doesn't make sense to be together or talk to each other if its going to be brought up constantly... if she doesn't want to wear the ring doesn't mean you should end things with her... but then I can't say that because if my "boyfriend" and I were engaged and he all of sudden didn't want to wear the ring I wouldn't break up with him I would try to work things out...

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 03:26 PM

Why is it that I have to always find the women out there that are emotionally unavailable, don't know what they want, etc...

I want to love her for a long time, she really CAN be a good person...

How much time should I give her if we stay together?
If she can't admit what I believe is wrong, is it worth staying?
Do people honestly become un-engaged and go backwords before becoming re-engaged?

Chameleon · Jun 24, 2007, 03:27 PM

Welll, the sad fact of the matter is that until she is ready to see her problems and wants to get help, then there really isn't much you can do, except just keep being patient. I don't want to tell you that you should end thingsbecause I'm not there, seeing the two of you together. All I can say is to do what you feel in your heart is best. I finally admitted that I may have a slight problem with depression and anger issues, so I work on not taking it out on anybody else. My husband has the same problems (we're both stubborn people) so he helps me work through my issues.

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 03:30 PM

Well... I don't know... she can be a good person but how often is she a good person?? I don't think you should give her a time range for when she wants to be engaded again... Maybe when you asked her it was to early... Im sure she really cares about you... Maybe she said yes to you because she thought she was ready.. but she thought about it and she isn't really ready right now... give her time.. when you two talk tonight prepare yourself for the worst.. so that when it does happen you already expected it... but its probably good news...

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 03:32 PM

I didn't mean to say so that when it does happen I meant to say if it does happen... but I'm sure you two will work it out

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 03:32 PM

If and I do mean IF we don't work... I will feel like its my fault for us being apart, even though I know the real reason... She also has it in her mind that the reasons I have aren't the reasons we are having problems... She believes I want too much sexually and want too much emotionally... I feel more like her care taker and buddy then fiancé soemtimes because of the lack of those two things that she is complaining about..

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 03:33 PM

Originally Posted by Shaunta

Well....I dont know...she can be a good person but how often is she a good person??? I dont think you should give her a time range for when she wants to be engaded again... Maybe when you asked her it was to early...Im sure she really cares about you...Maybe she said yes to you because she thought she was ready..but she thought about it and she isnt really ready right now...give her time..when you two talk tonight prepare yourself for the worst..so that when it does happen you already expected it...but its probally good news...

You have a possitive nature about yourself, wish she was like that...

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 03:39 PM

Lol... Some people take things differently... I don't understand why people can't just speak their minds and let you know what there really thinking... Why do they have to be around the bush/? I don't understand how you would feel like its your fault... YOU DID EVERYTHING YOU COULD POSSIBLY DO TO MAKE HER HAPPY... IF WHAT YOUR DOING Isn't MAKING HER HAPPY WHY SHOULD YOU STRESS YOURSELF OVER IT?? IF She's NOT WORRIED YOU Shouldn't BE... WHY Don't YOU STOP DOING THINGS FOR HER AND SEE IF SHE MISSES IT... USUALLY WHEN YOU DO SO MUCH FOR SOMEONE THEY Don't APPRECIATE IT SO YOU HAVE TO STOP SO THEY CAN SEE WHAT THERE MISSING OUT ON...

Chameleon · Jun 24, 2007, 03:39 PM

Originally Posted by jeremy4719

If and I do mean IF we don't work... I will feel like its my fault for us being apart, even though I know the real reason... She also has it in her mind that the reasons I have aren't the reasons we are having problems... She believes I want to much sexually and want to much emotionally... I feel more like her care taker and buddy then fiance soemtimes because of the lack of those two things that she is complaining about..

Sex is a natural part of a marriage/relationship. As for emotionally... isn't the point of being in a relationship having someone there to support you emotionally and for you to support them?

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 03:41 PM

I KNOW when I was getting everything and being treated so good I was taking it for granted... Now that its not happening I wish that I was so stubborn... SOME PEOPLE NEED THINGS TAKING AWAY FROM THEM FOR AWHILE SO THEY COULD SEE WHAT THEY HAD AND APPRECIATE IT MORE...

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 03:45 PM

That makes sense, except... I don't see her but about once a week right now.. She works 7 days a week (2 combined jobs)... She lives 45min away... So when I do see her I think of having a good time, doing good things for her, making love... It's almost as if I'm playing catch up in our relationship...

Based on what I said in paragraph above ^... She looks at the love making part as if it's something she has to give me or I get angry... I don't get "angry", but yes I am frustrated... I have a fiancé that I believe I should have regular sexual intimacy with a few times a week at worst... She made a comment the other night as she left in anger, that she feels forced into sex (don't know how, we don't have any)... She even said its like rape... I about died! I could not believe someoen I love would say something like that to me... I never have forced or done anythign that would be considered that way.. That comment alone almost made me say we're done right then, that is the coldest thing you can say to someone you love...

Chameleon · Jun 24, 2007, 03:55 PM

I'm sorry to say, hun, but you may have to cut your losses and end things. I have NEVER told my husband that sex was like rape. That is a slap in the face. Rape shows no respect and no intimacy. Saying that to you shows a lack of respect for you.

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 03:57 PM

Originally Posted by Chameleon

I'm sorry to say, hun, but you may have to cut your losses and end things. I have NEVER told my husband that sex was like rape. That is a slap in the face. Rape shows no respect and no intimacy. Saying that to you shows a lack of respect for you.

It was said during the fight in anger.. Should I still consider that her honest feelings or what? I mean she had a horrible past (not trying to make excuse)... It really really hurts to hear something like that... I honestly think I'm one of the most giving people in every way.. I do what I can for the other important person..

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 04:02 PM

When Your Angry Is When You Really Tell The Truth... ive Had To Catch Myself Sometimes Because I Wanted To Say Something's That I Really Meant But I Knew If I Said It Then I Would Hurt His Feelings... I Feel Like Your Doing Enough... you Can't Do Anymore... the Only Thing You Could Do Is Sit Back And See What Happens Or Just Give Up... im Not One To Give Up So Don't Think I Would... did She Apologize For The Whole Rape Thing?

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 04:03 PM

She hasn't appologized yet... We are supposed to talk tonight around 11pm EST when she gets off work...

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 04:04 PM

What if she says, " I mean that.. I feel like that with the sex "... Should I just say goodbye or what...

Shaunta · Jun 24, 2007, 04:08 PM

Well Is She Said That She Means That I Mean You Should Say Goodbye... How Could Someone Say Something Like That? And People Who Are Accused Of Raping Other People Go To Jaill... thats Not Something To Joke About... I Don't Understand How She Doesn't Like "makin Love" If I Could Everyday I Would...

jeremy4719 · Jun 24, 2007, 04:09 PM

T-minus 3hrs 50min till we talk...