[huno]

Wow, your situation IS difficult! I want to comment on several points:

First off, if you are learning HTML, learn CSS, Javascript, PHP, ASP, and start looking into using Photoshop. Do web pages. In my school, many departments would send emails to the computer science departments asking for a student who can do web pages. I took many of these offers and charged a cheaper price than a professional, but still made ~$1000 for a week's effort. If you do one web page, soon your employer will tell friends in other departments and outside companies and you'll get a lot of offers. It's not guaranteed work but it's a good way to make extra money on the side.

Secondly, I understand your parents' position on loans. My parents were the same way: they did NOT like loans. They don't even like credit cards and always pay everything with cash (including brand-new cars!). I see their point, there is a lot of debt in America and many struggle and suffer because of debt. I was in the unique position where I had been working since I was young and started at a community college, and I was working full-time and going to school full-time (at first). By the time I moved to a university I had a lot of money saved up and so I didn't need loans.

But it IS normal to have loans; most Americans have debt to pay after they graduate. You are a computer science major, and the market is pretty good. When you graduate, you have a good chance of making good money and so your debts should be fairly easy to pay off. Explain this to your parents, see what they say.

Finally, though, let's return to the original topic: balancing a social life with your responsibilities and how your parents view this. Well, it's obvious that money really IS a burden... now I wonder if it is wise for you to move out if it will mean an additional financial responsibility. Well, if you get an RA position then moving out will save you the time and money from commuting but it would also ensure you don't take on additional expenses. If you don't get it... you have to think about if you want to pay an additional ~$21000 after you get out of school. Can you eventually pay it off? Yes. But it is real debt, and if your parents are anything like mine (and it looks like they are), they will not like it.

Apply for an RA position fall quarter. Explain to your parents that spending an hour and a half daily on the commute is too much time wasted (programming assignments usually have to be done on school computers to ensure compatibility... at least that's how it was at my school where we did everything in Linux). Also explain that if you had your own place you could concentrate more and do better in school. Finally, say that you will only move out if you get the RA position--and that's exactly what you should do. If you get the RA position, move out; if not, stay home. That is my opinion.

BTW, so you're computer science: what will you specialize in? Networking and databasing are in right now, since everything is connected to the Internet. I'm surprised I can't network my toaster to my laptop yet. Unfortunately, so many kids are going into that that there's a lot of competition... glad I studied graphics! :D

[talaniman]

As I remember it, school offers an excellent opportunity to socialize with those who have like goals as you do so applying yourself where you spend so much time will help you in the long run. As far as privacy, in my house there is none, and my kids, and all who where my responsibility, where subject to the rules, Maybe you have no knowledge of what is out there, especially in Chicago, which is about where I grew up, that can actually be dangerous and harmful, to your school and social life and I can see where that fear can influence your parents decision to be very strict on you. Do you have any idea of what kind of social life your talking about?

[tombabula]

BTW, so you're computer science: what will you specialize in? Networking and databasing are in right now, since everything is connected to the Internet. I'm surprised I can't network my toaster to my laptop yet. Unfortunately, so many kids are going into that that there's a lot of competition... glad I studied graphics! :D

Well my parents although do not like loans, they take credit cards! They used for that to buy new furniture. When we moved in the apartment was almost empty! We moved at exact time when I started at DePaul.

I am in software engineering concentration, but I am not 100% sure what I will do! When I started fresham year, in first quarter I took Intro to Computer Science which I did not pass (and it hurted GPA). The class was not too hard, but the exams, especially the final was (although all homework I've done well). We even had to write program in final, that we started couple weeks ago in class and most did not finish as it was optional. Instructor this left to us and moved quickly to another topic. So next time I will also pay to extra assignments. This fall I will retake it, and this time I will have different instructor and more class hours. So it should help. We use Python for Intro to CS. The lecture of this course is always late afternoon 3:10-4:40. I remember when I startted I had in addition classes in the morning starting at 9:40, although with train and commute get up time was 7:00 to get in time to train at 8:12. When I finished morning classes, sometimes I was tired on CS class. My eyes were closing. And I remember I had then more focus on first-year program classes than CS. Now next year it should be better with classses, but I still got Intro to CS at 3:10. And they only have at that time :(

I will definitely apply for RA, not only because of waste time, but also because of the train schedule that does not fit much well with my class schedule. The train after 9 is only every hour! There is no way to avoid getting late to class or wait very long which could be another class! That's then not 1h 30 but 2 h 30 min waste of time! Unfortunantly, last year there was only 9 open positions and about 70 people applied! So it is not easy to get!

With programming assignments I think I should be fine, when I buy laptop and install the programming programs we use in class. We use on Windows platform so it shouldn't be a problem. Hopefully when I retake class, I'll pass and my final grade D will be replaced and get fixed GPA (Now GPA is better afer another quarter). With high GPA I can get $5000 scholarship from my school! From all other classes I got A and only one B+ . But it is because on many assignments I used to work often until 1:00 am. Of course it is not good and I must change this habit so that I will finish all homework at least by 11:00 and long ones by 12. I am not sure what I'll do with this annoying child that periodically screams under my room (often by 2:00 am) and the walls are thin and I can hear her very well. There is even no air conditioning in my room so I have to open window. But even with window closed I can hear noise. If she will continue do to that, I will probably ask parents to exchange bedrooms! It almost drives me crazy. Thanks for the tips on HTML. And again thanks for your good advice!

[huno]

As I remember it, school offers an excellent opportunity to socialize with those who have like goals as you do so applying your self where you spend so much time will help you in the long run. As far as privacy, in my house there is none, and my kids, and all who where my responsibility, where subject to the rules, Maybe you have no knowledge of what is out there, especially in Chicago, which is about where I grew up, that can actually be dangerous and harmful, to your school and social life and I can see where that fear can influence your parents decision to be very strict on you. Do you have any idea of what kind of social life your talking about?

Hmm... well yes, school can offer a great opportunity to hang out and socialize. In my case, though, it was kind of hard. Computer science students tend to be quiet, shy, very closed off, nerdy, "Star Trek" kind of guys. I'm not and so I couldn't relate to them.

In fact the majority of my friends, I met them after I started getting involved in social groups, and all the people I met were Sociology, Chicano Studies, Communications, etc. One group I got into was a graduate student group that was about mentoring underrepresented students in grad school (minorities, women). Hard-working, but also knew how to have good, clean fun.

I do agree, though, that it's necessary to be strong with children: if you try to be their friends they grow up thinking there are no rules to follow and that screws them up for their adult life. tombabula, though, is an adult now and I think he knows what he wants.

That last question is valid, though: tombabula, what kind of social life would you like? What do you see yourself doing when you're not studying or working?

[tombabula]

Hmm... well yes, school can offer a great opportunity to hang out and socialize. In my case, though, it was kind of hard. Computer science students tend to be quiet, shy, very closed off, nerdy, "Star Trek" kind of guys. I'm not and so I couldn't relate to them.

In fact the majority of my friends, I met them after I started getting involved in social groups, and all the people I met were Sociology, Chicano Studies, Communications, etc. One group I got into was a graduate student group that was about mentoring underrepresented students in grad school (minorities, women). Hard-working, but also knew how to have good, clean fun.

I do agree, though, that it's necessary to be strong with children: if you try to be their friends they grow up thinking there are no rules to follow and that screws them up for their adult life. tombabula, though, is an adult now and I think he knows what he wants.

That last question is valid, though: tombabula, what kind of social life would you like? What do you see yourself doing when you're not studying or working?

Hmm it is not simple answer.

First point I see is making friends and then being in relationship with someone.

First of all lets start from friends. As of today, I have no close friends in my area (so that they called on weekend and I went with them playing bowling or whatever), I imagine taking first steps in meeting people in clubs (I plan to join sobe club or fraternity next year), doors (if I could afford that) and parties. What party I could join is any (both official and private), as long as there are no drug use and no push for drinking (meaning that I could drink the amount I want, moderately without peer-pressure. In city setting without having to drive. However, I am not yet 21 so this option is unavailable to me in legal ways. And of course I would only go couple times a year just to meet new people and enjoy and not do something stupid that I would later regret in the rest of my life. Simply going to cafeteria like Starbucks to have coffe would be good for me. I like bowling but I do not like going there alone. I would go to Six Flags America to have fun, but going alone would not be : ( In Poland at least, I studied with friends when they needed help.
I try contact many of former classmates (not just from Computer Science) via Facebook but many ignore my simple comments and do not write back. Even though they added me to "friend list" and in class or any place we had nice chat. One of my questions were lie "hey, how is going? what you do for fun around here?" but I get silence. Sometimes I receive from some nice comments back but if any comment suggest hanging out then there is silence. Many have listed AIM screennames and most of them are offline. Even when most of them for some period were very often online, few weeks later I see them offline all the time and almost or never come back! That's sad.

Regarding the second issue- relationship - I have no girlfriend and I do not know if I will have because I am gay. My family does not know and I am right now officially "interested in women." I like them emotionally but I am not attracted physically. Although I am not 100% sure because I was never in date with girls. Sometimes some guys attract me like magnet and when they are in my class with me I can get distracted. I do not have a boyfriend but I had in past sex with guy 2 times with whom I did not enter into relationship. I met them on the Internet in my area around my hometown. The first one appeared to be cheater, some bisexual that prefers girls but supposedly like to have causal sex with guys and when I attempted to call him next time, he never answered again. The second one is good and I know him better but is 6 years older than me so we are different people in different stages of life. I did not feel satisfied after sex because it was like meaningless and I will try to not do that again. After that I think I know why sex on first meeting can be awkward and is not worth. Anyway I would prefer to get know gay guy on campus, naturally in school, at class or club rather than this way-Internet where there is lot of creepy people. I tried to join LGBT club in my school, but it is every Thursday night and with my uncomfortable commuting and class on Fridays I figured out I couldn't. I do not know how explain what is this club about, but when I was on meeting then the discussion was about discrimination against black people. And what they still face today. There are some classes offered called LGBTQ studies, but I do not if I will ever take them because I think they do not fill into requirements from Liberal Arts and Sciences domain. Probably just as optional, selected. But they started to offer them not long time ago and there was a lot of news going about this as DePaul University is one of the largest catholic institutions in nation. This school has University Ministry which sponsors many programs and events on campus.

[momtobe949]

Okay I have to agree with J_9 and Fr.Chuck, see my dear I grew up in a household like yours, and I was always under my parents control. It actually did me some good believe it or not, it's true if you don't like it move out (you can get a job and pay rent I did). How I look at it is;
Are you paying rent there?
Are you paying half the bills at your parent's house?
Are you splitting the grocery list?
If your answers are all no then there is a saying that applies to you.
“This is my house I pay the mortgage and the bills and you will follow some rules and guide lines." ( my dear old mom's saying)
The last thing your mother probably wants is to have drugs or any other kind of trouble brought into her house hold. She just loves you kid Id say you have a pretty good life.

[shygrneyzs]

You complain about your Mother quite a bit - in your postings. Yet you claim to be an adult, who wants all the adult type privileges. You cannot move out of your parent's home because of blah blah blah. You do need to start growing up and quit whining. Many people would trade with you.

[tombabula]

First thing:

You all guys are reading too much into my wishes for social life. Certainly, education and other things are important, but being connected with other people is also important as well. Btw in order to work, you have to first study to work, don't you? Not all people have certainly ability to work and go to school, especially when going to school full-time. Besides I appreciate for everything my parents did. Notice that I did not criticize them for everything, just only the thing that I and my sister had/have to lead anti-social life because we did not receive guidelines. Because you see, I see parents in responsibility not only to prevent children from harm or becoming bad people. But also on helping with them when they struggle to make friends. Like going to other's people homes and taking children to have them play with others.

Second thing:

I think that if you do not like my questions just do not answer them. Why go against someone and possibly offend? Giving a neutral answer is the best. Please be assertive. Simply giving an advice " if you do not like rules, move out" is not an advice at all! It's too ambiguous.

Third thing:

Are u a student, or older parent with children? Did you go to 4-year college? If you didn't then how in the world are you going to understand clearly my situation with unbiased views? Please be more specific.

[momtobe949]

Yes my dear I went to school for 6 years became a lawyer and my husband went to school for 8 years, neither one of us had parents that would pay for school. His parents died years ago and mine well they just made bad choices. See I did move out I got a job (working at a store) only made $8.75 an hour but I worked 35 hours a week plus going to school full time. It does work you just have to make it work, as well you need to read a little closer into our advice you're the one asking." If you do not like rules, move out" is an answer you just have to make due with it, see you are old enough to make your own decisions in life. There are so many people out there who can't live at home because of their abusive parents. Let me tell you something I got into so much trouble in my senior year of high school my mom took my bedroom door down and said privacy is a privilege not a given. I hated my mother for years but now I am glad she was the way she was because I would have never went to school and finished with a law degree. I am not saying you have to be like me or like anyone else, just think about it long and hard. We can only read so much into your post as you give us to read. We are just trying to help

[momtobe949]

The other thing I forgot to tell you is I understand where you come from when your mom used to say of your not in shape, or "she used to put me down with words (accused) of me having crooked back now being ". I wasn't the perfect dress size which my mother couldn't understand since she was. See my parents are very wealthy people with a beautiful home, expensive cars, and a social life some would kill for, I didn't fit her perfect daughter image and still don't. That's why I moved out and did it on my own; it felt really good to tell her “hey I don't need your money or support”.
I never really had a social life even at University, but I do now and some days I wish I didn't. My husband always had friends over at his dorm and partied, nearly got him kicked out of school. Maybe your mom wants to keep you way from those parties and the whole experience.

[tombabula]

Still there is no way to work full time and go to school full-time with keeping high grades. I prefer to take loans on that, but again the interests are high and if payment deffered, then it will accumulate fast at the end of school. I will work toward getting nice scholarship and I hope I'll get some external scholarship. I already can get couple thousands dollarrs in scholarship from school for keeping good GPA! There is one issue that I would want to avoid that in case when I was financially ready to move out and my family pressured to stay in their apartment. It hope it will never occure since I would be able to visit them every 2-3 weeks.

[talaniman]

Still there is no way to work full time and go to school full-time with keeping high grades. I prefer to take loans on that,

That's not true, if that what you have to do. I did it for years, no scholarships either. Or help from parents. When you say can't, you never will.

[shygrneyzs]

You coulod do like many others before you - take a semester off and work two jobs until you have money for the next semester. My nephew graduated college this last December. Took him 6 years to get his 4 year degree. He took time off for two full time jobs in order to save money. Plus working while being in school and carrying a 3.946 GPA.

I worked all through college the first time and carried a 3.34 GPA. The second time I went to college (for the second degree) I was married, raising a family, working full time and being a full time student. Held academic honors.

It is possible. You have to decide what you truly are willing to sacrifice to make it happen. When you bring up roadblocks, as in whining about your Mother, you aren't going to get very far. There will always be someone to blame.

[momtobe949]

Oh my dear did you not read what I wrote about going to law school and having a full time job and no parents support? It can be done

[JoeCanada76]

First thing:

You all guys are reading too much into my wishes for social life. Certainly, education and other things are important, but being connected with other people is also important as well. Btw in order to work, you have to first study to work, don't you? Not all people have certainly ability to work and go to school, especially when going to school full-time. Besides I appreciate for everything my parents did. Notice that I did not criticize them for everything, just only the thing that I and my sister had/have to lead anti-social life because we did not receive guidelines. Because you see, I see parents in responsibility not only to prevent children from harm or becoming bad people. But also on helping with them when they struggle to make friends. Like going to other's people homes and taking children to have them play with others.

Second thing:

I think that if you do not like my questions just do not answer them. Why go against someone and possibly offend? Giving a neutral answer is the best. Please be assertive. Simply giving an advice " if you do not like rules, move out" is not an advice at all! It's too ambiguous.

Third thing:

Are u a student, or older parent with children? Did you go to 4-year college? If you didn't then how in the world are you gonna understand clearly my situation with unbiased views? Please be more specific.

First Thing: YOU ASKED THE QUESTIONS HERE. We are not here to just give you a feel good answer. Just to make you feel all lovey dovey inside and stroke your freak'n ego. We are here taking our time to try to help you out and you can not tell us what kind of answers to give you. Neutral answer, neutral. Why? Because you might not like to hear the truth and you want to continue playing the pity card and blame your mother for everything. Not going to do it. Get off your _ss and make something of yourself. Make your own way in your world and stop making excuses and just do it.

Joe

[tombabula]

First Thing: YOU ASKED THE QUESTIONS HERE. We are not here to just give you a feel good answer. Just to make you feel all lovey dovey inside and stroke your freak'n ego. We are here taking our time to try to help you out and you can not tell us what kind of answers to give you. Neutral answer, neutral. Why? Because you might not like to hear the truth and you want to continue playing the pity card and blame your mother for everything. Not going to do it. Get off your _ss and make something of yourself. Make your own way in your world and stop making excuses and just do it.

Joe

Jesus helper you dumb. I said to analyze BOTH SIDES. Analyzing only one is not completely unbiased. Besides did I blame mother for everything? Did you read carefully my part "Besides I appreciate for everything my parents did. Notice that I did not criticize them for everything, ". You need to buy new glasses. And don't "_ss" me again!

PS. I am glad I posted my same question on Yahoo Answers where I actually I got much better answers than here! Some answers here I very appreciate like the ones from momtobe949 and huno. The others does not deserve good rate!

[J_9]

Tom,

It is apparent that you will not accept any answers that you don't want to hear. We, as parents, (I am a parent AND a college student) are not here to give you the answers you WANT to hear, only the ones that apply to your situation.

You came here with a question, we gave you answers.

Don't like the answers? Then don't ask the questions.

[tombabula]

Thats not true, if that what you have to do. I did it for years, no scholarships either. Or help from parents. When you say can't, you never will.

That's not true. As you spent more time for job than for school and homework. It must had influence on your study somehow. It might personally depend on school and major. But I am in Computer Science major and believe me or not it, programming takes a lot of time and especially learning it along with general course studuies!

[JoeCanada76]

Jesus helper you dumb. I said to analyze BOTH SIDES. Analyzing only one is not completely unbiased. Besides did I blame mother for everthing? Did you read carefully my part "Besides I appreciate for everything my parents did. Notice that I did not criticize them for everything, ". You need to buy new glasses. And don't "_ss" me again!

PS. I am glad I posted my same question on Yahoo Answers where I actually I got much better answers than here! Some answers here I very appreciate like the ones from momtobe949 and huno. The others does not deserve good rate!

I never called you dumb, never called you names but for some reason you can not handle answers that do not fit your liking. Get off your _ss and do something instead of the blame game. If you read back on your posts that is all you did is blame somebody else. Stop using scape goats and get off your _ss and do something.

Good luck in your future endouvers, and I never name called you once so you're the one that will have the sorry _ss not me.

[talaniman]

Thats not true. As you spent more time for job than for school and homework. It must had influence on your study somehow. It might personally depend on school and major. But I am in Computer Science major and believe me or not it, programming takes a lot of time and especially learning it along with general course studuies!

If you focus on the goal, you can overcome the obstacles. My kids said the same things you are, as they were raised in a strict household also. But the dividends are apparent, as they are making their own way on their own dime, and I got the grand kids and early retirement. I raised 3 nieces under my roof also so I know how females can be, especially making them toe the line, and they too are doing well on their own, the youngest being 23, and just graduated. So I know what it takes to make it, and be happy. You can go listen to your better answers, or lose the poor me attitude, and listen, and learn, Miss future computer science major, who still has a long way to go. Seems thats just who you should listen to, the ones who have been there, done that. You can't even get a social life at one of the best schools in the country, in one of the biggest cities. Do as mama says child, and make your parent proud. I got mine its your turn, quit whining and get busy.