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Wildcat21 · Jun 17, 2005, 10:19 AM

You sound like you totally could meet people in big city. You'd do well here. Too many opportunities. There must be a reason why you stay where you are?

Yes - the on-line thing wouldn't work as well in a small town. I can see that.

Eharmony didn't work out?

How did I get good at this - 1. Being with an incredibly wonderful lady and almost losing her because all the relationship mistakes I made. I wanted to improve myself and understand what I was doing wrong.

2. I want to help others - this stuff is so freaking important. If I can help one person - that's all I ask. If I could help one person avoid heartache or get their love back - that would be great.

3. I am fascinated by all the mistakes I made - little I know to do now or not do. Especially in communicating with woman. Woman ask a question or make a comment and they are just getting started on what they want. Men keep short and to the point.

turtlegirl · Jun 17, 2005, 10:35 AM

Why do I stay where I am?
I LOVE my job. I have some amazing and supportive friends right here. I like living close to my family (my brother's in town, most everyone else is 1-2 hours away).
I've met people through friends, sister and brother, not so much work (I'm a teacher). There just really is a dearth of quality men around here. And I'd rather be alone then be in a subpar relationship (which is why the friends with benefits thing is getting old).
I have moved away twice, once when I was 24, once at 31. But I'm happiest here. I just wish a bus full of good men would roll up before I start becoming a manhater. I don't want my disillusionment to devolve into that!
Thanks for listening, Wildcat.

Wildcat21 · Jun 17, 2005, 01:30 PM

I understand now. It seemed like you were a little sad over this.

You'll find someone there - he might even be someone you see almost every day and don't even notice.

What makes a 'good man'?

turtlegirl · Jun 18, 2005, 08:29 AM

Well, I AM a little sad over this. I mean this guy I just found out recently had a crush on me years ago, and then we met and actually started seeing each other and he doesn't step up. I asked him to call me on my birthday and say happy birthday and HE was the one who was all, I'll bring you flowers blah blah blah. No flowers. He called on my birthday to invite me to Block Island that weekend, but I had plans. So when ARE we going? Never, apparently.

I'll find someone you say, but I'm not so confident in that. I actually have a lot going for me; people wonder why I'm so single. Where ARE these men? I just don't feel a need to be in a subpar thing just so I have a boyfriend. I'd rather be alone. I just don't want to be alone AND completely chaste.

A good man is (deep breath): sincere, trustworthy and reliable, financially independent (or getting there with a plan), preferably doesn't live with his parents unless there's a really good reason, interested in life, motivated in at least some area, gentle and thoughtful. That's a good man. I'd also need intelligent and funny, although you can be a good person without those things. And I'd like a good attitude about life. I don't care about his job as long as he has one and takes pride in it, I don't care about his money or his car. I don't care too much about looks as long as he takes care of himself. Know anyone? :p

Wildcat21 · Jun 18, 2005, 11:05 AM

Hey - that sounds like me! Hahaha

You should never settle - I know so many great woman who settled for loser/jerks who cheat on them and treat them poorly - why they stay with them I will never know - because they 'make them feel'.

You do seem like a great lady and deserve the right guy. He will come.

That sucks about the guy you mentioned above - took you for granted. I wonder if it's anything you do? Not to be rude - but maybe you do things to make yourself be a little too available? Have you ever read some of the ideas at: www.lovetactics.com - I believe in a lot of those principles. Love takes time and a folks try to rush into it - being too enthusiastic ca ncome across as needy-clingy and it can drive a person away.

Debra Jill · Jun 19, 2005, 12:36 PM

Hi turtlegirl,

The last e-mail you sent about what you expect in a man totally changed my opinion of you (as far as opinions go when you only know people through typing e-mails). In your first e-mail you sounded a bit naïve and sad. In later ones you were self-assured, bright, fun, outgoing with lots of potential. I wouldn't short-change myself by going with a guy who isn't funny though, my God it's great dating a guy who makes you laugh, I put that right up there with good looks/attractiveness (hey, sorry, just being honest!).

Let me give you a "reading" okay? Tell me how accurate I am. I'm doing this for FUN, I'm not claiming to be a psychic, I'm merely doing this for fun, so if I'm way off, so be it.

You are about 5'5 (or a bit shorter) and have medium sandy brown hair about shoulder length. It has a bit of a wave to it - you also have bangs. You rarely wear make-up but like to when you go out. You carry most of your weight in your hips and butt, you are kind of smaller in the upper body. You wear a silver watch on your right wrist. You have some tiny freckles on your upper cheek bones and are fair-skinned. You fight with an extra 10 lbs but you claim you need to lose about 20. You own a cat. It's a male. He's black. You might even own 2. The name "Steve" comes into mind, I don't know if that's your brother or an ex or a future guy. And, by the way, you WILL get married. You are going to be moving. Not too far away but certainly to a bigger city. I see a yellow aluminum siding house with black shudders (weird, who has a house like that?). Your grandparents owned either a farm with a lot of land, or had a lot of property around them. That Steve name keeps popping back into my head... not sure what that means. You have 3 very close girlfriends. All have a loud laugh. That's a good thing. They bring very positive energy but you also are the fourth wheel to give that energy back. One of the girlfriends has 2 children. The other has none, the other will become "accidentally" pregnant (unless that has already happened). "Julia" or "Julie" pops into my head too. The initial "B" is very strong. It's either the first initial of someone very close to your heart or that's what your last name starts with (perhaps your middle name, like Barbara). Your brother had a very scarey experience with water at some point in his young life. Did he almost drown? I see him working as a computer programmer or something (or perhaps will be). You are distanced from one side of your family (not your immediate family, but it's like your Dad doesn't communicate with anyone in his family, or maybe it's because he's deceased and that's how I'm reading into it). Don't worry, I'm not saying he's going to die if he's still alive!! You rarely wear skirts. It's either pants and a top or a dress on occasion but rarely skirts. You hate them. Your hair looks best up in a pony tail. You look much younger than you are. Are you left handed? I see the chalk when you are standing at the board in your left hand. Is the "B" I'm seeing, "Bruce"?
Okay. Enough fun. How accurate was I? ;)

Wildcat21 · Jun 19, 2005, 01:01 PM

"later ones you were self-assured, bright, fun, outgoing with lots of potential"

I can already tell turtle is a great catch. Just never settle. You have plenty of time.

Don't ever settle for a jerk,

turtlegirl · Jun 19, 2005, 02:07 PM

Debra Jill,
I'd love to know what you were basing this on! Here's what's right:
My three closest girlfriends whom I see most often have loud laughs.
My brother almost drowned when he was 3 or 4.
I am distanced from my dad's side of the family; we're just not that close to that side.
I do supposedly look much younger than I am.
That's all! Thank you so much for spending so much time on this, very sweet of you.

turtlegirl · Jun 19, 2005, 03:03 PM

So if you're interested I went out last night with some of my most favorite people and left my phone at home (on purpose). Mr. Takes-me-for-granted called ten times. But he didn't leave a message. Lame. I saw two guys who've been interested in the past and I was pleasant when they came to say hi, but that's it. That's good, right? One actually asked why things never went anywhere and I told him it's because my sister and his brother are dating, which is true. (He's also -- surprise -- a lot younger than me and I'm sort of trying to wait for him to grow up a little bit.)

Wildcat, I'm not going to settle. I tried that once and immediately knew that was wrong (about two years ago, a story for another time). But I have 'plenty of time?' Please explain this one to me. :rolleyes: I AM a turtle after all.

Debra Jill · Jun 20, 2005, 04:24 AM

Ha! I'm glad I got at least a few right! :D

Let's just say I have pretty good intuition and have been doing this for "fun" since I was about 8 years old. I don't take it seriously, my accuracy rate is pretty high in the 80's but considering I haven't a clue what you look like or who you are, I was satisfied with getting a few right.
Let's just say one of your friends, I'll call her "Sarah" - the one with the great hair, that could do a Suave commercial (dark, shiny, bouncey, looks like she spent hours on it) will have 2 boys (as in children). I wouldn't be at all surprised if you meet Mr. Right this summer. Don't see a t-shirt and jeans, rather a dress shirt and cotton pants (like Dockers) so maybe you'll meet this guy at a wedding, but then again, it could be at a bar if he's just finished work (or maybe works as a manager there). Oh, did I mention a blue dress shirt?

THIS SUMMER turtlegirl! Mark my words!
P.S. Wise not answering the phone - don't you feel smarter already?

turtlegirl · Jun 20, 2005, 06:42 AM

That could possibly be my hair, but no one else's who I know. I'll keep an eye out for the guy in the dress shirt. Thanks!

mike145k · Jun 29, 2005, 07:49 PM

I would say he is over you he does not respond to anything you tell him he is not jealous so now its time to face the truth and move on I just hope you did not make any babies,then it becomes worse.

serialwife · Jun 29, 2005, 07:53 PM

Originally Posted by mike145k

i would say he is over you he does not respond to anything you tell him he is not jealous so now its time to face the truth and move on i just hope you did not make any babies,then it becomes worse.

What is your problem with having babies? Are you on crusade to stop overpopulation. You sound like Bob Barker.. these are people not pets. This is not a situation to SPAY OR NEUTER!

Wildcat21 · Jun 29, 2005, 08:38 PM

Kid me if I am wrong, but old Mike was recently very hurt. He is a bitter man. Cynic.

mike145k · Jun 30, 2005, 10:35 PM

I am a very upbeat person I have no negative forces muddying the shine of my suv wheels,I am a full expert now and of course much higher in real life,but you all are my friends I read and judge most of what you people say and I think in due time you will see what I am all about a friendly full expert to all. :)

turtlegirl · Jul 1, 2005, 09:14 AM

Don't know, I thought Mike's response fit the thread a bit better than serialmom's. I wasn't picking up on anyone trying to work on population control; it certainly wasn't MY issue. (And I haven't talked to whatshisname in 3 weeks, although he has called A LOT.) Happy 4th!

Wildcat21 · Jul 1, 2005, 09:31 AM

Turtlegirl - Good for you!

I am sure that might have been a little tough. You deserve a lot more. You seem like a really great woman.

Just wish you lived closer to Chicago! ;-)

turtlegirl · Jul 1, 2005, 09:33 AM

And I thought you had a girlfriend! :)

Wildcat21 · Jul 1, 2005, 11:02 AM

Yes I do. But, you seem like such a sweet heart and so sincere.

Debra Jill · Jul 2, 2005, 04:21 AM

See! He's more interested in the pursuit than the catch. (This is so typical) :rolleyes: . The more you drive him away, the more he is going to want you. If he misses you that badly, he'll hang up the phone and show up at your door (whether that's 5 minutes or 5 hours away). Even if he does, I wouldn't be dragged back into his trap. It's a cyclical thing. He'll keep doing this until he meets somebody else and then you'll feel like a fool for being available to him in the interim. I can tell you are finally realizing that.

I applaude you for not taking his calls.