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boredashell · Jan 14, 2010, 12:02 PM

Update:

Yesterday she kept calling me leaving voicemails all night saying that we really should talk, that she ordered a pizza and I should come over. Obvioulsy I ignored her. Then she left a voicemail that she is in bed but I can just come over whenever I am done being out. Then she started texting me to "just tell her that I don't love her anymore so that she can know that its over forever." This is just so immature and backwards. Does she not realize that she was the one that left me? 5 times? Of course I still have love for her but at this point if she doesn't know that then that's her problem. Anyway, I have no desire to be in that relationship. I know that she is trying to manipulate me and keep me around as a backup when things don't work out and I realized that I am way too good for that. I bought a motorcycle with the money that I was putting aside for her ring so I am not holding onto anything.

I wish · Jan 14, 2010, 12:14 PM

Sounds like it's been a painful break up, but you seem to be doing much better now.

Have you considered changing phone numbers too? Eventually she will get the hint that you don't want to talk to her and she will go on with her life. Recovery is a painful process, but both of you will come out stronger in the end.

boredashell · Jan 14, 2010, 01:34 PM

My phone number is for my business so that won't work. I wish that she was not so screwed up and could just be happy with a great man loving her. I know that I will be able to maintain civil conversation with her and see her out once I am in a new relationship but until then I don't want any contact. I don't want her to feel abandoned after the 3 years we've spent together since I am really not a jerk but it is the right thing to do for me. I just don't think that she realizes how deeply her actions have cut at me.

JBeaucaire · Jan 15, 2010, 03:05 AM

Every time you read one of the texts from this girl, you break No Contact.

I wish that she was not so screwed up and could just be happy with a great man loving her. I know that I will be able to maintain civil conversation with her and see her out once I am in a new relationship but until then I don't want any contact. I don't want her to feel abandoned after the 3 years we've spent together since I am really not a jerk but it is the right thing to do for me. I just don't think that she realizes how deeply her actions have cut at me.

Believe it or not, that quote proves you haven't even successfully started No Contact recovery. NC is about you getting distance you need to get on with your life.

There's nothing "jerkish" about ignoring the bully who won't stop picking on you. This young lady continues to text, you continue to read, you continue to lament her directly as a result and worry about her "feeling abandoned after 3 years"... it's her, her, her.

(*Sigh*) I feel for you, I really do.

But the truth is the truth... we learn best and fastest through pain, and the pain of consistency requires you do better than you are so far if you have any hope of even STARTING to implement NC.

I can come up with quick ways to at least try, regardless of inconvenience. I bet if you really meant it, you could come up with 10 of your own... but only if you MEAN it.

1) Pick up a second cell phone and give the current one to someone you can trust, perhaps someone in your business. Have them call you with your real messages and give important clients a forwarding number. Have them delete calls/texts from her unread and not tell you about them.

2-3 weeks should be sufficient, then you can go back to using your phone.

2) Change your number and CALL your contacts to give them the new number. Less than 1 day's worth of work I bet... inconvenient... yes... and not the least bit difficult to do. Do not put a "forwarding" on the old line, or put a forwarding # to a 3rd number/person who can give the new number to appropriate person's (see #1).

3) (not my first choice, but maybe the only way) Answer her one last time and say what she needs to hear to get mad at you so she can get angry... then maybe she can start getting over you.

"Your texts are unwelcome and really irritating. Stop now."
"Stop contacting me, it's pathetic."

Yeah, those read as harsh, but it's an act of love, perhaps the last one in your ending relationship. Give her permission to move on by you being a bit of an a-hole to her. You already know you two are better off apart, help her reach the same conclusion, even if you have to play-act a little.

NC is by nature inconvenient. Don't avoid the inconvenience. STOP contacting her. Her words in your mind is contact. So cut it out. Stop reading it, listening to messages, etc. Seriously. Cut it out.

J. Sparks · Jan 15, 2010, 03:44 AM

From the patterns that I am reading she wants YOU to take her back so she can dump you and leave you again. She's looking for validation that "really" you want her back and are just teaching her a lesson. If or when she realizes you want her back she will get the closure she needs to dump.
At the moment she can't believe that you've moved on. She's left you 5 times. How can YOU be the dumper ? She even tried the hook of New Years sex to get her power back over you. Smart move by saying "no way good bye !"

I know you'll do the right thing and have 3 new women under your wing by sundown.

Good luck with your new found freedom bro and motorcycle ;)